>>81878616 (OP)Keep my triple IPA full, barkeep, I'm not particular.
I'm married to the most wonderful wife I can image, but I can't get away from memories of my ex dying in a hospital. I have flashbacks constantly. It's been over a decade.
How can you be married to a woman and engaged to a ghost at the same time?
I spent my most formative years with her, if I was to talk to a psychologist (jew) I'm sure he'd say that so much of my identity is tied up in that relationship. From my ideal life to my personality. I start hyperventilating whenever I think about her too much. I know it's not healthy. I spent a lot of years in complete social isolation, doing things alone and pretending she was there with me, imagining her as a ghost by my side. Even now I can hear her laughter, and her gentle teasing that was always followed by physical intimacy.
I want to bury her, water her grave with my tears and leave but I can't seem to get any further past the graveyard's gate before turning around.