>>81888968 (OP)I don't look at real women much of the time (barely leave my place, masturbate either to drownings or literal fucking text).
But it's true that I am obsessed with women, and that my biggest regret is that I never managed to get close to one and that I will die alone.
But the answer to why I hate them but waste so much time thinking about them is clear: I am enslaved by my biology, still obsessed with the idea that if a woman loved me, I wouldn't hate myself.