Thread 81913566

I failed I cut myself again last night, they were big cuts too....I'm such an idiot.
anyway, I slept all day it's almost 7 pm right now, I think I'll play videogames all night or something.

how're you anons doing today?

>>81913566 (OP)
faggot cutter kill yourself next time

>>81913625
yeah I really should kill myself

>>81913632
yea do it then and stream it live

>>81913667
hmmm not today, I want to play videogames

>>81913625
>>81913667
Eat a dick

>>81913566 (OP)
Hey man, sorry to hear. I fell back into a bad habit that's been eating me alive so I get it.

Sorry I had to jump earlier, phone was dying at the end of my shift. What are you playing tonight?

>>81913899
what bad habit? it's ok if you don't want to talk about it.

>Sorry I had to jump earlier
don't worry about it!

I'm thinking I might play either super mario bros 3 or ico, maybe I'll play a little bit of both

also I love bladerunner, another one of my favorite films!

>>81913920
I do hate talking about it, but there's perks to an anonymous imageboard.

Porn addiction. I feel lonely as Hell and end up whacking it to anime tiddies.

Don't know what ico is. Super Mario is tight though

Bladerunner is the shit, both the original and 2049. Love those movies.

>>81913962
ahh porn addiction, I never really struggled with it, not that I don't jerk off to anime boobs every now and then. anyway don't give up and try not to do it again fren! I believe in you!!!

ico is a game made by the same people that made shadow of the colossus (there's a theory that shadow of the colossus is a prequel but not sure how true that is) you can unlock the sword from the game ico in shadow of the colossus actually! ico came out before shadow of the colossus btw!

I prefer the original but the sequel was not bad, not bad at all! did you ever read the book it's based on? "do androids dream of electrical sheep?" by PKD? I read it for the first time earlier this year! it was pretty good I like that it goes more into detail about what makes an android different from a human and stuff like that (kind of cliche these days but it was new back then)

>>81913899
yea im eating your dads dick while he tells me what a loser you are and how much he hates and regrets having you

>>81914013
>admits to eating dick
o-ok......

>>81913566 (OP)
I cut today too, and I'm nervous 'cause I'm running out of spots people can't see.

I hope you're being smart, all it takes is one bad cut.

I've woken up drenched in blood at night 'cause I tossed and turned a bad scab off.

>>81914000
>I believe in you!!!
Terrible idea, but thank you anyhow.

>ico is a game made by the same people that made shadow of the colossus
I think I may have heard it talked about before, now that you mention it. You follow a woman in a white dress for most of it, right?

>ever read the book it's based on
Yes I have, very good read. I thought the machine they have that sets your emotions in the morning was silly as fuck, but the book was a great read overall.

PKD has a lot of good stuff. I can't remember the name of it to save my life, but there was one book he had that centered around an asylum where the inmates took over and formed factions based on their respective neurodivergencies.

>>81914013
Sounds like you fags get along good then. Hope you both get AIDS

>>81914099
oh no I'm so sorry anon :( I am cutting in areas people can't see (my thigh) god there was a lot of blood some of it stained my bed I hope nobody sees it and yeah I used to have some scars in a visible area and that was giving me trouble finding a job actually (they don't like it) so now I have to wear long sleeves but still I don't cut on my fore arm anymore, I hope this is the last time I do it.

>>81914108
no don't say that! you can overcome that bad habit!

>You follow a woman in a white dress for most of it, right?
yeah well you are protecting a girl, but yeah you should play it it's very short I remember finishing it in one sitting

> I thought the machine they have that sets your emotions in the morning was silly as fuck
silly but kinda cool in my opinion

I have no idea which book you are referring to but it sounds great I'm reading or trying to read all his books, next on the list is ubik, a couple of months ago I read A scanner darkly

>>81914121
ooo did i hit a nerve, you gonna cry and piss your pants now

>>81914161
>you can overcome that bad habit
I hope so. I pray about it a lot but I seem to fall right back in even when I think I'm doing fine. On the plus side, I guess, it helps me conceptualize addiction and that's helped me talk a few people off of a ledge.

>should play it
I will give it a run through when I finally get Shadow of the Colossus.

>next on the list is ubik
Ubik is a wild read, and I like it a lot. Everyone in the book dresses like they walked out of the special class too, which makes visualizing the scenes absolutely insane.

Never read a Scanner Darkly. How is it?

>>81914121
ooo did i hit a nerve, you gonna cry and piss your pants now? he told me how you sit in your room all day cutting yourself, browsing 4chan and jerking off

>>81914220
I shidded and pissed and came.

I wish I had time to sit in my room and cut myself, but I work 60 hours a week and browse 4chan at my do-nothing job.

Also I don't cut myself.

>>81914195
>that's helped me talk a few people off of a ledge.
that's nice of you!

>Never read a Scanner Darkly. How is it?
it's pretty good it's my favorite book from him so far, it's about drugs, in a way the story is autobiographical except in the book they are taking a fictional drug called substance D or slow death and uhhh oh man It's kind of hard talking about this one without spoiling too much but, he wears what they call a scramble suit that makes you look like a blur and his consist of spying on people that do drugs because they are trying to catch whoever is distributing this substance D the thing is that he also uses this drug so at some point they tell to spy a certain place and it turns out it's his own home (people at his work place don't know his real identity because of the scramble suit) and he spends so much time spying on himself and there's a cool point in the story where he can't even tell who he is anymore like he doesn't realize he is spying on himself, it's pretty good I hope my plot summary made sense lol

there's a movie adaptation which was ok don't like that it's rotoscoped though

>>81914263
>nice of you
It's more of an obligation. Who can live with themselves after ignoring a friend who's about to off themselves?

>>81914263
Sounds cool as Hell. I saw some bits of the movie. I like rotoscoping so I actually enjoyed what I saw quite a bit.

Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch has a plot revolving around a psychedelic substance that allows you to project yourself onto what is essentially a Barbie house set. Then there comes this new guy with a new drug that's supposed to be way more potent.

I can tell you more if you want but that would involve minor to moderate spoilers

>>81914297
>Who can live with themselves after ignoring a friend who's about to off themselves?
true!

>>81914297
I usually don't like rotoscoping but you know what? I have to admit it worked with this movie.

three stigmata of palmer eldritch is another one on my list actually I was thinking if I should read that one next or ubik, please don't spoilt it sounds really interesting!

have you read valis? that one is something else apparently that one is also partially auto biographical, some people call it mental illness the book though lol I kind of agree it's pure schizo writing it's entertaining though

>>81914297
>Who can live with themselves after ignoring a friend who's about to off themselves?
Not op, but every friend or loved one I ever had. It's depressingly common. Wishing you and OP luck though as day 21 has only 3h 20m left.

>>81914335
>I have to admit it worked with this movie.
It evokes a certain atmosphere, it's what I imagine being on shrooms and having a panic attack feels like.

>>81914335
>it sounds really interesting
Indeed it is. Not my personal favorite, but I can see why it tops a lot of people's lists for PKD

>have you read valis
Never heard of that one, actually.
If you like PKD you may also enjoy Harlan Ellison, the guy who wrote I Have No Mouth And I Must Scream. His stuff is a little darker, and a little less out there, but also a lot more coherent.

>>81914352
>every friend or loved one I ever had. It's depressingly common
I guess there's truth in that. I just try not to associate with anyone who's like that.

>Wishing you and OP luck though as day 21 has only 3h 20m left.
Day 22 begins soon. Funny enough, that leaves me 1 month until a decently important life event.

>>81914373
oh I've been meaning to read I have no mouth and I must scream, man I need to stop procrastinating and start reading again!
I enjoy darker stories as well
>>81914352
Wishing you and OP luck though as day 21 has only 3h 20m left.
thanks! can't believe the month is almost over already

>>81914419
>meaning to read I have no mouth and I must scream
It's a real short read, I recommend it highly. It's maybe a bit overhyped but absolutely worth your time.

>>81914394
>That leaves me one month
At the end of this month it will be one month until things in my life fell apart, it happened to happen on the 30th. After today, in three days I will see if I can salvage it as that is a very important marker much like your marker in a month I imagine... If I can't I don't know what I will do...

>>81914433
I've honestly never heard anybody talk about it (since nobody around me reads lol) so I don't really have any expectations, if it's a short read then I might read that one next

>>81914450
my life fell apart 4 months ago, I thought things were getting better for me mentally but yeah last night proved I'm not mentally stable yet

>>81914450
>ne month until things in my life fell apart
Wish I could say I had a single day when that happened. Shit just atrophies over time for me.

Regardless, remember that you've made it this far since whatever happened. You can keep going.

My date isn't something that'salready happened. Im trying to change something, and Im gonna see how this goes. I've wanted it for a long time.

>>81914466
>it's a short read then I might read that one next
Harlan Ellison almost exclusively does short stories. But they're good reads

>>81914573
I'll read it tomorrow, right now my eyes are tired because I haven't been sleeping very well but man seriously I need to start reading again

>>81914601
Well get some sleep my nigga. I'll catch you another time.

>>81914647
I woke up pretty late myself but goodnight anon!

>>81914661
Later skater. Take care of yourself, and God bless.

4chan went down and now is back up again :D

it's 1 am, I can't sleep :/

>>81915569
It is indeed 1am and sleep eludes me.

>>81915569
Just sleep my american nigga. It's 2:30 PM here.

>>81915616
this sucks >:(
>>81915626
I slept all day my sleep schedule is all fucked up.
how's your day btw?

>>81915652
It does suck. People on the west coast of Canada/USA are the most tortured it seems.

>>81915669
I don't know about that I have a friend from new york and from what he's told me sounds like that place really sucks

>>81915683
Everyone I have talked to from New York (city) is an asshole, and everyone from upstate NY seems to be trapped in bad situations. I think we are still quite tortured, we are the two people in this thread with day count downs.

>>81915704
my day count is how many days has it been since I stopped waiting for my gf to come back I've finally accepted that she doesn't love me anymore and won't come back

>>81915719
It is, yeah. Mine isn't for a girl per se, and it's for the last person I was with. The person before I still am not over either and that was more than a decade ago. The west is saddest.

>>81915756
would I be happier if I moved to the east coast?

>>81915773
Not likely, I just mean this region seems to produce a lot of sad people.

>>81913566 (OP)
>I cut myself again last night
If you rape her. You wouldn't being cutting yourself

>>81915780
I wonder why that is? shitty parents?

>>81915800
Perhaps, or more exposure to unpredictability.

>>81916049
I know that most of my mental issues and insecurities come from my incompetent parents

I'm getting on meds and im a little bit optimistic
at the same time im still sitting here thinking about the next time im going to cut. where im going to do it and that i need to cut deeper than last time. and i kinda dont think the meds are going to stop me and if they make me more emotional then idk whats going to happen sorry random blogpost in your thread.

>>81916287
don't worry about blog posting fren!
I uhh actually posted my cuts earlier in a different thread (got deleted) some anons were saying they were pretty big, I dunno either way I'm really going to try not to do it again.
I only do it when I need to cry but I can't cry so my only option is to hurt myself.

anyway I hope things get better for you anon! I really do!

>>81916304
>but I can't cry so my only option is to hurt myself
yea i understand u im like this too
and i saw your cuts in the other thread i havent done it on my legs in a long time its way too easy to cut too deep on legs imo i do my arms now and i started cutting on my forearms and wrists so i cant hide it anymore because i want to make things worse for myself

>>81916440
I'm glad someone understands what I mean.
I actually find it easier to cut deep on my upper arm because my legs are too sensitive but I don't feel much pain on my upper arm.
I only cut on my forearm once and boy that caused me a lot of trouble specifically when it comes to getting a job, they really don't like it when you have self harm scars so now I have to wear long sleeve everywhere.

please don't cut in visible areas, don't make things worse for yourself :(

>>81913566 (OP)
best way to get attention is to kill yourself

>>81916545
I will soon anon don't worry about it

>>81915652
I went to a passport office. It went fine. Now the hard part is to actually move somewhere else.

>>81916483
awwn, this sounds horrible. Is this really the case in other countries or just US? I know a lot of people used to SH for various reasons. This just feels shitty.

>>81916585
>I went to a passport office. It went fine. Now the hard part is to actually move somewhere else.
hope you find a nice place to live anon!
>awwn, this sounds horrible. Is this really the case in other countries or just US?
I honestly don't know

Discordbro here.... I messaged her last night again... no response...