Thread 81949063

General thread for venting and acting sad

>>81949063 (OP)
What's the point anymore. I just want to feel something but I know I'm trash to be used and discarded

bf gone for nearly two weeks, idk what happened, i'm stressed out as fuck. breathing exercises aren't helping too much right now. chest feels like it's being stabbed.

why does nothing in the entire world make me feel good
why is everything only negative

ONE MUST IMAGINE SISYPHUS HAPPY
>You have been muted for 2 seconds, because your comment was not original.

I realized I'm a person with barely any value now. I hate it. I wish playing gaymes and watching infinite porn was highly fulfilling so I could just do this for the rest of my life. Turns out I'm an ambitious person who wants to do nice at university and yet I can't do shit because I'm too lazy and don't have any motivation. I'm just pathetic
In a few months I will already have read all shotacon hentai existent and then I will be ready to kill myself since there wont be anything last for me.
I wish I could continue learning japanese, that I started learning russian, german, french, hebrew, latin and maybe some random south american indigenous language but in the end I wont be able to do shit. There's nothing last for me besides my own despair and some few games I can get addicted to. I wish I had a girlfriend that comforted me and let me suck her breasts at these times. Why couldn't I be the type of depressive loser that have a gf?

>>81949063 (OP)
I could have been so much more, I could have been so much more

>>81949818
I COULDA BEEN A CONTENDAH!

She doesnt like me
She fucking added me on discord, we had fucking hour long conversations about our feelings.
She was the first woman who cared about me, the first one i formed an emotional bond with
All to find out she decided to date some other guy but wants to keep being friends
Why even fucking add me and keep talking to me if you liked someone else the whole time?
I dont know what to do, i feel like my life will be empty without her but at the same time its too painful to be around her

my crime was pretending to be a human yet seeking affection and normalcy despite my obvious defects. my punishment is to be abused or discarded, over and over, as a result of these failed attempts at forming connections.
i am bizarre and unlovable and people that i thought understood me end up speaking a completely different language i can't comprehend. i am not fit for human society and there is something deeply, innately wrong with me that only a bullet in my head can solve.

>>81950002
you are plenty loveable and there are people out there really trying to do their best so you can find your love even at the cost of their own and their own soul.

>oh your suicidal? Let me force you into a shitty government facility for a weekend against your will and charge you a high fee, boom, you now owe us a large sum. That should teach you to never have suicidal thoughts again. Faggot.
Even being depressed is expensive what the fuck.

>>81950002
Nice super long black nails.

>>81949063 (OP)
Parents found out i tried to kms.
therapist gives me antidepressants.
Tries killing myself because medicine doesnt help
"I thought these pills were supposed to make me feel something."
"It'll take some time getting used to."
At first i just hated being alive because i cant connect with anyone besides stupid jokes and playing games but now every connection ive formed feels hollow.
gf broke up with me because of this saying i was narcissistic and a downer.
i feel so alone

>>81949063 (OP)
It seems like everything about me is hated by an overwhelming chunk of the population. It's like I have the power to shift the cultural zeitgeist to be against whatever it is I like or am. It feels like I'm under more intense scrutiny than others and for most of my life even the slightest mistake or transgression was seen as if I had just punched the president. Bad things are only bad when I do them, it's perfectly fine or even favorable if someone else does it.
There's no group that doesn't hate me for immutable characteristics of my being, leftoids hate me for being white and male, and rightoids hate me for being autistic.

>>81949063 (OP)
Why do the people who hurt you always come back?

>>81950226
>therapist gives me antidepressants.
>"I thought these pills were supposed to make me feel something."
uh no buddy those do the exact opposite of that, did you do actually zero research?

>>81950002
and who's to say that needs to be solved? why do you need permission or acceptance to exist on your own terms?

I just want to be alone forever. Is that so much to ask?
No, person who birthed me. I don't want to be around you. I don't want to live a single day around you anymore. I only do so because I need to survive. I WILL get the job position that is 5 states away and I WILL live alone and I WON'T miss you or anybody from my so-called "family" and YOU WON'T FUCKING STOP ME YOU BITCH.
I don't want to see you ever again.

>>81949110
he is fucking stacy while you are posting on 4chan

>>81949063 (OP)
That's what the board is here for
>>81949110
Fuck off and die normalnigger

>>81949063 (OP)
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
MY LIFE IS SO FUCKING BORING

>>81951020
>why do you need permission or acceptance to exist on your own terms?
i've given up and made my piece with the fact that i will be living in solitude. it doesn't make it feel any less disgusting to wear human skin.
i fear what i don't understand, and i don't understand anyone. i am scared all the time and it's difficult for me to go outside or hold down a job or function properly. years of exposure therapy have made it worse and things aren't looking too sustainable.

>>81951218
made my peace*, sorry haha

>>81951218
why do you think you aren't human? what is it that others don't or can't accept?

>>81949063 (OP)
Had oneitis 2014-2019, we broke up 2019 and never got over her or heard from her again

February this year a friend says his sister saw her in 2023 and she's a transman now, I was appalled

Few days ago I found her/him Twitch account, it has the same name (feminine name after her REAL name) and pic as in 2019, so I assume it's a dead account, and click on "Follow" for some stupid fucking reason

That same day I get a friend request from a discord account I'm sure its hers/his

I really want to talk to them to confirm they're actually not trans but what if they are?

Also we had a short FWB thing back then and I was in love, hence why I really really don't want that person to be a guy now, it would mean it was all a lie, it would mean SHE doesn't exist, even more that SHE never existed

>inb4 reddit spacing + sex haver
fuck you and this person is the only girl who ever even paid attention to me and it was pretty much out of pity, I'd be a 28 year old KV if it wasnt for her

>>81949063 (OP)
I'm a bad person, and an addict, withdrawals make me depressed, I guess it's good to see how i'm slowly feeling again, if anything a bit

still, my reality is pretty shitty
and i'm very weak
here's a song for the thread:
https://youtu.be/iWUa-rKT-oY

>>81949063 (OP)
People told me I wasn't good at trolling.

i don't know where to go from here. i don't know what to say anymore.

>>81949063 (OP)
hurumph >:( between B*rnie, my ex-wife, the tenant from hell, and general chumpfuckery, this has been a cromulent fuckcrustable of a day. Tommy needy drinky

>>81951164
Join the military :D a life of adventure calls u

>>81949063 (OP)
i either care too much about pointless things or im unable to care about things i should care about and its ruining my life and i wish i could just die already

>>81953314
if you figure out the solution before the thread closes tell me

Fell down today. I hate and love how broken I feel, but afterwards I feel overwhelming feelings that I am not safe in that, I saw enough posts that verified that as well so it's best to just never say anything ever

their life revolves around someone else now. who am i to wrest that back? i must have been mistaken to begin with.
oh, to occupy even a fraction of the brainspace they do. i am doomed and blessed to obscurity. i wish i could sleep and dream forever

>>81949063 (OP)
I can only love people that are no good for me, then act surprised when they discard me
I probably deserved it

>>81949063 (OP)
i'm currently torrenting the new south park episode that's supposed to be super anti trump, i'm curious if it's actually going to be funny.
but i'm scared my computer will get hacked or something i don't trust pirating anymore. there's too many indians with internet access that they shouldn't have, we should have a great firewall like the chinese and charge foreigners a tax to use our websites, indians and african scammers and russians can't be trusted they're a bunch of shady criminals.

>>81949063 (OP)
I was gonna make a thread but then I thought "nah, it's not good enough for a thread" so here's my blogpost

I was talking to my mom in the car, just your usual convo, then I dropped this quote on her
>"for the lumberjack, it was just Tuesday - for the tree, it was the end of its life"
somehow she got all up on me and asked me where I heard it from or if I had any past traumas - I caved and I told her it's her fault
she went blank for a while, asks me "what do you mean my fault? i don't remember ever hitting you!" so i reminded her of the aforementioned quote

the rest of the ride was silent...

>>81953884
You'll live to regret this

>>81949063 (OP)
Sometimes I don't feel like a person
Feels like I don't exist most of the time like I'm just some thing in a perpetual standby mode

>>81954239
how ominous...
why would i regret this, anon?

>>81949063 (OP)
Really close to giving up on love and just hook up with someone
t. khhv

>>81950226
>gf broke up with me because of this saying i was narcissistic and a downer.
if you had a gf you deserve it
imagine throwing that away, fuck you
>>81949110
fuck you

I really want to fuck you, K. Why the hell did I break up with you before I got to fuck you?