used to think i wanted to die, had an incident a few months back where i forgot to take one of my 11 daily meds on a work trip, ended up in ICU interstate for 4 days.

realise now if i just stop taking this one drug i'll die.

i guess i don't want to die. i just want to be happy, i want my old life with my ex back, but it's gone forever. is trying to build something new and just pushing out the past the only way? doesn't feel like it'll work long term, i just lose focus briefly then get pulled back into depression again

any long term cope anons got advice? feel like i'm sitting around waiting to die my entire life

>>81953084 (OP)
The only reason I don't commit suicide is so I don't have to go to hell when I die.
I'm only 20, so hopefully I die in a freak accident soon.

>>81953099
Same, I'm afraid what comes next is worse.