Now I am fine, I don't feel the urge to end it all and have desires again.
But I don't feel as I used to, I lost 5 prime years of my youth, I lost a huge load of memories, I lost cognitive capabilities. I lost a lot and will never be what I was before

What do you mean "lost a huge load of memories", as this is a recurring concept of yours?

>>82110707
I dunno who this anon is, but maybe it's a side-effect of something? It can happen.

>>82110707
I don't remember stuffed I've lived before and during my depression. I attribute it to my lifestyle at that time which resumed to weeks of bed rotting, anonymous social media, gore, pornography and doomscrolling.

>>82110693 (OP)
i can relate, but i havent recovered like you have yet. memories all messed up and blank, i have a hard time concentrating or staying in the real world at all, and i dont have really any desires. whats it like at the other side of this? do memories start coming back?

>>82110753
They do, slowly, with the desires of gathering new ones. You can fly forever as well as fall for eternity. Maybe as of now you are aware that besides death, nothing ever stops you from digging down; never forget that it's the same thing with positive feelings. For 1,5 years now I have done nothing but arising from the dead, rebuilding myself and each week I am better than the last.

I hope you find the will necessary to rebuild yourself.

Ze piekte op haar vijftiende en ja, ik ontmoette haar op die top. Ik zag de daling in realtime.

Nu ziet ze er de hele tijd moe uit. Ogen verzonken. Paranoia in haar gezicht. Make-up kan het niet opslaan. Geen enkele hoeveelheid filters kan verbergen wat eronder zit. Ik weet dat. Ik heb de rauwe versie van haar gezien.

>>82110815
Reads like a white man's tongue

>>82110693 (OP)
I'm suprised that this isn't common place to see on this board. Perhaps theres too much bait in the way which swallows these threads up? Or maybe those who would have posted made good on their urges and left with some dignity. And the rest who didn't have no energy left to post a confession to the board
>thanks for saying this OP, does the work for people like me

>>82110838
It is all about the memories and tales.

The story imagined by OP is a brutal disprovement of blackpill in real time. It really helps when you don t surround yourself by good looking people, but rather go for a suituistion when you are the half eyed among the blind ones.

>>82110870
I don't get what you say. In case it isn't crystal clear, I'm venting, not inviting any depressed or distressed people to kill themselves

>>82110908
You might invite the hardest you can, but me killing myself over someone looking like this is an extremely far stretch well soaked with delusion.

>>82110806
i dont think im going to make it out honestly, but ty. i hope i can find the willpower before its too late

>>82110924
You are slowly dying, your very being is fading away. Something in you is waiting for the moment when there isn't enough substance left and that you'll let yourself die.

You don't have to fade. I wouldn't say the substance filling me up now is the one I started with. You don't have to cling to the shadow of long dead desires. Try and fight to find new ones <3

>>82110908
I'm not saying that you are. Only assuming some reasons as to why this isn't more common. But on other matters, can it be fixed. Likely, no, but it really depends on each person. As for me, I think the task of this life was to be kind and assist others even when you feel impotent. I cannot do that. I am too self centered for that sort of life, too prideful and now have written myself into a corner much like yourself. I still have the urge to end it and it reasserts itself every day even when I've lost everything so that nobody would bat an eyelid at my going.
But go and do try. Take some advice and see how far you go

>>82110964
What do you mean long dead?

>>82111011
I haven't had any suicidal urges for a bit more than a semester. I'm trying to help out friends of mine who are having it harder than me, help my family and reconnect with them and keep my ex-gf from ending her life

>>82111034
Long dead desires, referring to me, would me cling on the idea that I want to become an elite physicist even though it's too late and I don't really want it anymore

>>82111044
>semester
Oh, a younger anon. Well, go and try. You're actions are directed outwards and most importantly care about those around you. That is good. That is healthy at least I think it is

>>82111191
I'm 23 lmao. Just finishing my master thesis this year

>>82110964
i only have found one desire since i fell into this pit, and that was just to be as nice and kind person as i could be before i die so i can feel clean. its all ive really held onto

>>82111283
i have oticed an intresting patern

>>82111200
I thought as much. Welp, more suifuel for myself so I can become the archetypical pathetic man and be crucified. I should have never trusted a lain poster
In all seriouness, I envy you, perhaps hate you, but still wish you well