Thread 82111771

Tell me about your day. How was it? Do you have any plans for the weekend? How have you been doing?

>>82111771 (OP)
i'm trying to learn how to make games in unity through tutorials but programming always stumps me (because i am dumb i guess). i feel overwhelmed by changes i'm making but it's what i've always wanted to do so hopefully they're correct? :/ (not that where i'm at is where i've always wanted to be, but where i'm trying to go)

>>82111771 (OP)
My professor called me a slut today

Gonna make a thread about it when I get home lol

I woke up, went to my work-from-home job, did as little as possible (which I do in the office, too), and that's about it. I have no plans on the weekend beyond sleeping.

It's a pretty shitty life, even if I am comparatively lucky. I've got a place to live, I make a pretty good amount of money, but I no longer have the motivation to strive for anything since it's pretty clear I'll be an incel for the rest of my life. I'm already almost 40. I can't even attract single moms, but, really, I don't think I'd date one anyways because I do not want to raise someone else's kid and I can't have any of my own. Apparently it's taboo to date anyone younger than you so I'm too old to date women without kids now, so I guess I'm just shit out of luck.

>>82111771 (OP)
I went to a gun store today, they had a .22lr version of an STG-44. I hit a heil when I was holding it and I don't think I should go back there ever again.

Also I sperged and dropped a revolver that probably could've shattered the glass display if it was any higher.

I was too embarrassed to buy anything

>>82111947
Thats hot, is he black?

>>82112036
No he is white not black

>>82112101
Damn, you should go for one of the black scientists at your uni. Theyre so good at sex because they use math to solve the questions about your bodies pleasure.

>>82111824
That's cool as fuck, anon. I've always put off learning deeper programming and just stuck with my dumbass rpg maker games so I admire your efforts. If I didn't choose a different career I would have been working with vidya for sure. If you feel like you're making progress, even if it's little by little, it counts!

>>82111947
What the fuck? Why? What happened?

>>82112017
There's no need to attach yourself to names and categories like this man. Shit can be tough when it comes to dating but I think you're being a bit too negative about it? Not every woman on earth has kids and if you hit it off with someone that's 25 or whatever and you both click, who gives a fuck? I can't judge you too much because your post reads like you've been struggling with these things for a long time but if you feel like a relationship is important just stay available, y'know? Look for people in the right places and just be open to the possibility. Share some more details if you're comfortable with it, maybe?

>>82112036
you like black guys? unironically? what the fuck is going on here...
>>82111947
did you say something back?! me personally nigga i wouldnt let that shit slide...but thats just me

>>82112029
Lmao, it's embarrasing today but you'll be able to laugh about it after a while. Sounds fun though. I'm not too into guns because my hearing got fucked up by one for almost a year when I was a kid. But were you actually planning to buy anything? What now?

>>82111771 (OP)
>wake up
>eat
>vidya
>eat
>sleep
My days are all exactly the same. Nothing interesting ever happens. And when it does it is usually something bad.

>>82112195
He was one of those types who went on about how 80 percent of students fail and then I like called him a bad teacher an a bit more back and forth and he said i would die a virgin which was really weird and I told him I have a boyfriend so its clear that isnt possible then he called me a slut

Ive already reported him and a few others have too

>>82112199
Niggas and sheboons should be hung from Christmas trees along with the coalburners. Santa Is Cumming to town.

>>82112244
I wanted to see if they had anything from Zastava, or some type of shotgun that isn't a Mossberg

>>82112195
>There's no need to attach yourself to names and categories like this man. Shit can be tough when it comes to dating but I think you're being a bit too negative about it? Not every woman on earth has kids and if you hit it off with someone that's 25 or whatever and you both click, who gives a fuck? I can't judge you too much because your post reads like you've been struggling with these things for a long time but if you feel like a relationship is important just stay available, y'know? Look for people in the right places and just be open to the possibility. Share some more details if you're comfortable with it, maybe?

I wouldn't personally care if I hit it off with a much younger woman so long as she's legal, but it seems that people, including those women, are entirely against it now. In any case, trying to date with probably the single most damaging thing to my mental health I've ever done. The amount of rejection, women stringing you along, women asking for money really removed any self-worth I had previously. Before that I thought I was just unsuccessful with women because I was shy but after that I learned it was because women just didn't want me.

There's not really any details to share. I work at home and only emerge to go to the store for food and to go to the gym in the middle of the night. Nothing really appeals to me any more and I'm just completely exhausted all the time, despite there being nothing physically wrong with me so far as all the doctors can tell. So even if I had an idea of what to try, I have no energy for it anyways.

I've got like half a million dollars in the bank and I've considered just saying fuck it to the career, going down to Mexico or something, and banging hookers/doing drugs until the money runs out so at least I have some vague amount of sexual experience with hopefully someone vaguely attractive but I'll never do it.

Failed my general exam by one question on top of dealing with crippling boredom and depression due to cold turkey cutting alcohol and weed about 5 days ago. Have genuinely been thinking of shoving my PPQ in my mouth and pulling the trigger for 2 days now. If the withdrawal depression and apathy doesn't disappear soon, I'm probably just going to do it anyway.

>>82112273
I think the question is - are you bothered by this? You can change that cycle whenever you want, anon. It's in your hands. You can make good things happen.

>>82112274
That sounds insane. What an unstable person. Career-ruining instability, actually. I think the "worst" I had was in uni when this one teacher sold weed and pills to students. Nobody told on him and he never got into any trouble about it, I think. Big weirdo kept inviting girls to go use stuff with him after class too.

>>82112324
Are you a collector? /k/ enjoyer, probably?

>>82112503
That's tough, man. Yeah you're having a rough time. Are you fighting addictions? Periods of bad shit happening are a part of life but if you're always feeling these extremes maybe you should look for some help. Are there specific things pulling you towards feeling more apathy etc.? I hope you can pull through, anon.

>>82112768
>Are you fighting addictions
I guess? After the first day or say the urges for both weed and alcohol kind of subsided and I've felt more aware than I have in like 5 years but since I stopped I haven't really felt anything but apathy and boredom.
>Periods of bad shit happening are a part of life
I've lived in poverty for most of my life. I'm used to nothing working out and my life generally being shit. I'm just kind of tired of dealing with it especially when there's no end in sight because I'm apparently either too lazy or too stupid to pass my exams.
>You should look for some help
There's no help for me. I'm a jobless m*le with no friends and takes care of his slowly dying father. No one cares and they don't have a reason to care so I can't fault them. I called the suicide hotline during a particular bad episode a few years ago and the operator literally told me if I died then nothing would change anyway before they hung up. Haven't really felt alive since then.
>specific things pulling you towards apathy?
Nothing to live for. No friends. Only family left is my father. No relationships. No hobbies. No skills. No talents and the worst part is that I'm fine with it all because it doesn't matter to me.

Hell the only reason why I'm talking about this here is because I get ignored on every other social media group even self-help and mental health groups. I really do feel like if I died tomorrow no one besides my decaying father would give a shit. I've already kind of made it a point to at least wait until he passes before I kill myself but right now with how my brain is working I don't even see the point in waiting until then.

>>82112409
Right. I think you've had some horrible experiences with these things and they kind of shaped the way you look at women, if you'll allow me being a little pretentious here. Being shy will make any kind of relationship harder to cement but I'm curious about how you're approaching the topic and how you meet new people. Dating is actually for that, filtering past appearances and looking for what you actually want from a person and if that one fits that criteria. You do have worth, brother; you clearly have a nice job, you keep to yourself and you're taking care of things to the best of your ability - so I'm not sure why you'd see yourself as completely undesirable for anyone. It's kind of mean saying this but people with way less in every deparment have relationships and marriages. Don't let this long time without a relationship diminish your ego like this!

Also, if not having sex is a problem, there are ways to get that that won't require an actual relationship, but again, I think your best bet would be to just be patient and keeping looking, anon. Do you want kids? Are you looking for marriage? A relationship? Is it just sex? Start trying things a bit out of your comfort zone. Have you ever been in serious relationships before?

>>82112768
>I think the question is - are you bothered by this? You can change that cycle whenever you want, anon. It's in your hands. You can make good things happen.
Thank you, Anon. I've met some real kind souls here today. Bless you.

>>82112879
I don't meet new people any more. I've barely left the house in the past 5 years because, why bother? I see myself as completely undesirable because no one expresses any desire to be with me. That is the definition of undesirable. The market determines something's value and clearly I have zero value to women.

As for what I actually want, how do you learn that when you have no opportunities to do so?

> It's kind of mean saying this but people with way less in every deparment have relationships and marriages.

I don't want a relationship or marriage. I'd like to be able to get laid regularly. If I encountered a woman who I wanted to be around beyond sex, then, great, but how can I say I enjoy being around a person if I just need to have sex and said desire blinds me? How can you have an equal relationship with a woman if you cannot replace what she offers (sex) as easily as she can replace you? I'm not a young man at all any more.

>Also, if not having sex is a problem, there are ways to get that that won't require an actual relationship,

Not if you aren't really attractive or willing to spend money.

>Do you want kids?

Yes. But I can't have them. And I wouldn't even if I could. I'd never condemn a child to this hellish world, much less with my horrific genes.

>Have you ever been in serious relationships before?

No. I've spent my entire adult life alone and, basically, on the periphery of society, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. No one would just come out and say "Anon, you're ugly." and instead just wasted my time with useless platitudes.