Thread 82136950

Do you think that you'll ever be healed?

I have healed somewhat but don't think I'll ever be cured. My childhood was really fucked up on every psychological level and there's no way that I'm just going to be a person completely free of those imprints one day.

All my parents repeatedly taught me was that you couldn't trust people.

No, I've given up years ago and realized that I will never change and unshackle from my past. Looking forward to the day this all finally ends.

the only thing that helped me to genuinely heal in some capacity was telling the people who damaged me to go fuck themselves and making their lives a living hell

>>82136950 (OP)
Honestly, no. It just too late. Even if I miraculously get a gf, it wont be enough to overcome the missed life experiences. Beyond the point of no return.

>>82136950 (OP)
>Healed
Of what? I'm not broken, I've always been like this

>>82137410
>I'm not broken
>I've always been like this
These aren't mutually exclusive.

>>82137430
I've known nothing else but this life, anon
I recognize as humans we have our joys and our pains, and that's not being broken, that's just being human, that's just being

>>82136950 (OP)
no, im going to die like this. and probably soon

I used chatgpt to fruedian/jungian analysis on dreams and trauma. I stopped antidepressants. Now I'm fucking angry all the time. Fuck need to jack off 3 times a day just to keep sane

>>82136950 (OP)
My only friend killed himself when I was 15 and the only way I'll ever heal is by finding someone else to cover that wound. Considering I'm on this site, I won't find that one. Life feels so soulless.

>>82137520
Merely not knowing anything else is not an indicator of not being broken. It's not too uncommon for people to go through life, not knowing how they've been affected precisely because it's been caused too early to recall anything else. Not to mention it's a fairly common trope for people to be stuck in unhealthy patterns and to suppress the memory of all the negative experiences as a coping strategy.

>>82137551
Why did he do it? Bullied at school?

>>82137560
>Not to mention it's a fairly common trope for people to be stuck in unhealthy patterns and to suppress the memory of all the negative experiences as a coping strategy.
I recognize the negative experiences I have gone through, I remember all - I've forgiven those who have inflicted such pains upon me but I do not forget

To me, time heals all wound and there's no way to go but forward - the world turns, what once was is no more

>>82137616
Sounds like someone that successfully processed their negative experiences. Not everyone's capable of doing so, which is pretty tragic, especially when they're aware of them, yet not capable of resolving them.

>>82136950 (OP)
No, not really, but i don't have to be, so long as i'm motivated i'll be fine.

>>82136950 (OP)
Cant heal what isnt broken. I am well adjusted and normal outside of my attraction to knowledge and my lack of interest in people.
In years long gone by, I would probably be a hermit in the woods studying plants or something.
Instead I am now a hermit in a suburb working remotely and coming up with shitty inventions in my free time (I have many patents).

>>82137635
I've gone beyond anon
Buddhism, Sufism, Vedic traditions, Western philosophy, etc. - I take a little bit of everything and apply it to myself
It's a mess up there in my mind but it's my mess

>>82137672
>isnt broken
>lack of interest in people
Does not compute. Wish it wasn't that way, but it just is. We as people are wired for attachment and connections. Anything else is just a cope.

>>82136950 (OP)
No I'm always back to square one no matter what I do, now I'm just trying to gather the will to jump

>>82137672
...inventions you say? What kind?

It comes and goes. Some days I feel better than ever, like I have a real shot at life. Most days I feel like I can't break free from the gravitational pull of my terrible upbringing and end up falling back into self destructive coping mechanisms. I don't think I will ever be truly whole but maybe nobody ever is. Maybe it's best to keep trying without wondering if it's even possible to succeed.