I think I might have a split personality or something? I've recently gained awareness that my mood/emotions swing wildly. I don't really notice it in the moment by looking back, I often get violently angry at family/friends/coworkers over nothing to falling in love with them later in the day. I often crashing into depression if the slightest thing upsets me. I regularly have self destructive episodes that end in self-harm. I've even had a couple half assed attempts at suicide. Its crazy that I've been this way for 10 years and only just noticed about a month ago. When I look back at my past, it almost doesn't seem real. I'm having a hard time even typing this because I'm gaslighting myself saying this is normal. I think a part of me is crying for help. I don't think I'm depressed. I have overly happy emotions too and the bad moods usually only last a couple hours.

Anyone else have a similar situation? Any insight?

>>82137001 (OP)
this unironically sounds like autism because of the mood swings, self destruction, pretending to be someone else. ppl are fast to call this BPD because they don't know anything, but they overlap heavily. both are worth looking into i guess.

>>82137001 (OP)
nah you are just retarded

BPD maybe? Definitely something off... I'd do some research if I was you. Might be some things you can do to mitigate it in your environment, might not. This is unfortunate. Did you not notice for ten years because it's not that bad, or because you got accustomed to it?

>>82137001 (OP)
You're borderline, like ,very obviously lmao

>>82137001 (OP)
>Anyone else have a similar situation?
Yeah, I had the realization too this year and it caused me to go into a psychotic mindbreak a few months ago - I don't know if I'm getting "better" or worse

This feeling is both liberating and like a prison
>Any insight?
Ground yourself to reality as much as you can, talk to people around you, go out and see the trees, feel the sun on your skin, have a cup of coffee, smoke a few cigarettes, whatever that makes you feel tethered to the Earth

>>82137032
I thought autist liked following patterns/routines? I'm extremely implusive.

>>82137051
probably

>>82137053
Ive got in trouble for cutting myself in high school. Its guess I knew it was "bad" but I didn't really think there was anything wrong and still kinda don't.

>>82137058
I don't have abandonment issues. I cut off friends all the time and blown up romantic relationships in the past. Isn't that why borderline people act beacuse they are afraid of losing people?

>>82137206
>I cut off friends all the time and blown up romantic relationships in the past.
>Isn't that why borderline people act beacuse they are afraid of losing people
That's why they (You) do it. Abandon people before they can abandon you

>>82137206
BPD is a common misdiagnosis for autism. not every autist has rigid patterns that they stick to tho. impulsivity is also common for both. just something to consider

>>82137200
99% of the time I feel like I'm on autopilot but that 1% is like watching my life replay in 3rd person. I don't feel like I was actually doing anything I did. This last month have been way worse personally.

Thanks for the tips. I'll try to keep myself more aware. Best of luck to you too.

>>82137243
Thanks for the insight. It seems when the behaviors starts is a big indicator between the two.

>>82137206
I mean cutting into yourself doesn't seem intuitively wrong? Not from a moral standpoint, which getting in trouble might seem to suggest people want you to think, but from a self perseveration standpoint, or pain management standpoint. If you're at the point where cutting yourself is less painful and therefore a way to manage the pain, be it mental or physical, outside of cutting yourself, then something would be seriously wrong, and should perhaps be addressed before the cutting yourself happens or continues to happen.

>>82137001 (OP)
im not a doctor anon but i think you should get yourself diagnosed asap and get help since you've finally managed to realize something is not okay. i deal with some of the stuff you have mentioned though i'm unsure of what i might have aswell

>>82137309
This dream-like state, like being an observer rather than a player, it's very dangerous anon

This is your life, and to feel like you're not in control of it but rather an audience to it is harmful - folks like us, we're right on the edge of sanity/insanity
Like Icarus, we must not fly too far up, we must remain in balance

>>82137312
My older sister caught me doing it but she didn't really know what to do other than shame me. I just taught myself to hide it. I usually do it to when I get in negative thought spiral that I can't get out of. I guess you could call it mental pain.

>>82137458
Probably should but I think I would lose my job

>>82137484
There has been a few times I woke up scared of what I did the night before. I never have or would hurt anyone else. Its probably not good for us to be sitting on the edge.