>>82140510 (OP)It was hot, sweaty, and awkward. I was 15 or 16, I don't remember which. A close friend of men who was I think 18 by that point was watching a movie with me in a camper while her parents and mine were busy getting drunk and ornery. We eventually decided to go to sleep, and I forget how it transpired exactly, but we were whispering and my heart was beating out of my chest. I asked if I could kiss her, and all the passion I felt for her came out in that one kiss alone.
I Immediately felt guilty and like I had done something wrong, she assured me nothing was wrong, and we kissed again. We kissed a lot, we snuggled together, and then my stepmother burst in incredibly drunk and told me to come sleep at the where the rest of my family was sleeping and she accused us of having sex- which we did not have, and never had.
I am still desperately in love with that friend, even if our weird on-and-off relationship ended two and a half years ago at this point. I hate myself, and I hate that the memory of my first kiss is so vividly burned into my mind and so awful feeling.