Thread 82143016

describe derealization

>>82143016 (OP)
a feeling that one's surroundings are not real, especially as a symptom of mental disturbance

from google

like when i go outside and still feel like im trapped in a box, like the world is painted on the walls and i cant quite touch it

>>82143016 (OP)
wanna to lie down on the floor and close ears and eyes

>>82143016 (OP)
Imagine being trapped in an invisible intangible bubble. The air is stale af and you can touch stuff through the membrane but never feel what you're touching. It's like that but all the time.

>>82143016 (OP)
fuck off i don't believe in that made up nonsense

I have PTSD and get it sometimes. There's just an overall feeling of unreality to everything. In more extreme cases, it's like I'm looking at the world through a glass pane or behind a screen. The world contorts a bit around my visual focal point, but focus is never properly achieved due to the unclarity of the aforementioned pane. The objects I can see are visible, but they distort snd contort when in the focus of my vision.

In more mild cases, the screen is more like a thin film that separates me from the world. Things will happen and it's belivable to say they didn't "in reality". The moments previously will feel like distant memories immediately after they conclude.

Everything is automatic in a lot of cases due to an overlap with depersonalization that makes me feel as if im not real either and that im just watching a movie.

The internal feeling is one of numb muteness, definitely not when in the body, but often times it's subtle.

The closest allegory I can bring is like if you were drunk, but without the cognitive decline or motor issues, but also you make your memory far worse and your instincts are actively trying to work in a robotic, script-like fashion instead of dumb and fun like when you're drunk. Of couese, its also similar in some ways to dreams, if you get those in a visual way. I don't get them often so they're not my go to explanatory example.

Overall, not a terrible feeling, but playing into it too much feels like it'll cause you to go insane and start splitting identities.

>>82143820
>The internal feeling is one of numb muteness, definitely not when in the body, but often times it's subtle.
* The internal feeling is one of numb muteness. The overall feeling however is one of not being in the body. The numbness is the only thing that binds me to my body in those cases. Maybe physical touch too, but even it's muted a bit.

>>82143016 (OP)
I will describe it as it feels when accompanied by depersonalization as they almost always go hand in hand for me.

When I was 14 I found some of my brother's weed in the house and decided to try smoking it. I smoked way too much, had my first panic attack, and by the time it all wore off I had this strange feeling I couldn't shake. It was like I was in a dream. Everything around me felt soulless, there was a very strong sense of jamais Vu, the opposite of deja vu, where familiar things seem unfamiliar. Time passed and the feelings stayed and it felt like I wasn't in control of my body but rather just watching myself do things from behind my eyes. My vision was seemingly fuzzy and slightly obscured by visual snow, as though I were getting a bad signal on the TV I was watching my life through. I felt a dissolution of my self. I couldn't feel the same love for my family or pets, because it was like there was a permanent veil between me and reality, like I was walking through a desert with a towel over my head that I could never take off. I felt claustrophobic in wide open spaces, I felt like I only saw a stranger when I looked in the mirror. Things I had done just yesterday felt like they happened ages ago somehow. This went on for several months and tapered off some when I returned to school that fall. That was 11 years ago and I still have some of these feelings, but I am mostly used to it. I'm some ways it is a superpower, being able to completely detach from reality has allowed me to do some things I think I otherwise would never have had the balls to do. It's manageable for now but when I enter a deep depression or panic it becomes very intense and frightening. Sorry for the disorganized rant but I'm happy to answer any questions.

"evil enlightenment"

>>82143016 (OP)
Combine lithium with psychedelics if you ever want to see for yourself

>>82143016 (OP)
It's fucking based is what it is, fuck reality, fuck life, if someone's getting murdered or raped or whatever the fuck right out on my porch I am not paying attention, I will be jerking off to effeminate 2D men

>>82143049
What the fuck is that even supposed to mean?
Stupid neurotypical bullshit.
Things don't 'feel real'.

>>82143447
Okay, so a sensation of physical isolation coupled with numbness. Much better.

You ever see those Claritin commercials from the 2000s where everything is super pale but not quite blackaand-white, and then they peel the film back and everything's in super HD full color?
If you don't have derealization, you're living in the after-peel world. If you have it, you're in the pale-but-not-quite-gray world.

>>82143016 (OP)
Finally got chatgpt to diagnose me with dpdr. It's been going on since 2018ish

>>82146192
damn it really is like that.
https://youtu.be/OblZlxy8lBA
https://youtu.be/X_Bt6K5uHdg

>>82146243
That's called myopia and astigmatism

>>82146902
the comparison works metaphorically, not literally dumbass. you don't literally see the world as physically gray or blurry. you'll have to envision the closest approximation to the equivalent sensation on an abstract level you willfully obtuse prick.
fucking neurotypicals man. they always think autism is when you act like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory

>>82147099
>the comparison works metaphorically, not literally dumbass. you don't literally see the world as physically gray or blurry. you'll have to envision the closest approximation to the equivalent sensation on an abstract level you willfully obtuse prick.

>>82147148
*points to the sign again*

dissociation is complex, its most likely what we experience in death, it connects you to "the other side"
and there are two side to dissociation
the first is derealization, its an incredible feeling, when its intense enough you feel like you're floating out of your body, you quite literally become a ghost, the stories of that sort of thing that sound supernatural are true and theres no way i could really describe them in any meaningful way, other than that it feels like the sensation of falling and buzzing overcoming you, you'll know it some day when it inevitabely happens to you
then theres derealization, hell
it feels like the opposite of depersonalization, like you're trapped in your own mind, thinking about your problems, becoming stressed
for me the derealization gets so bad that its caused dissociative seizures, and it affected my daily life for a while
in the seizures, everything feels like static and noise, your thoughts feel like a maze, words look like squiggles, some things appear to be "breathing", and everything feels as though its on fire
those experiences gave me ptsd and i'll never be the same