Thread 82188332

who /stagnant/ here?
still a retard like i was in hs 10yrs ago
still spending my free time alone consuming mostly jp media and masturbating
still a weird detached friendless virgin
the only thing thats changed is becoming a wagecuck and alcoholic
my whole life has been a series of bad choices
what about you lads?

>>82188332 (OP)
>masturbating
>>82188332 (OP)
>virgin

>>82188337
yes? i dont understand your objection

same. still trying to climb out, but every time i fall down it gets a little bit harder to try again

Only like 2 percent of women r hot
Everyone else is gaurenteed to be unhappy
We r in a very scary and bad reality w no escape

>>82188411
the number of times ive fucked up a good prospect for not being neurotypical enough...
i should have learned it the first time, but you cant exactly fix being born wrong,

>>82188436
hate normal w*men, normal p*ople in general
my compassion and affection is exclusive to fellow defectives

>>82188442
the way i see it is there's no point in holding back
you either make it or destroy yourself in the process, but either way no point in staying alive if you're just going to be a subhuman failure taking up space contributing nothing to the world

>>82188459
I dont want either of that from u
I want u 2 kill ur whole family

muted munted munts
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vI2k0Ctp9z8&list=RDvI2k0Ctp9z8&start_radio=1&pp=ygUTcmFtbXN0ZWluIHNvbm5lIHdvd6AHAQ%3D%3D

>>82188468
it doesnt matter either way, anyones existence is irrelevant to reality
we all die sooner or later, who cares how or when?
i just want to minimize my own suffering, part of it by sharing the burden with anonymous brethren, who may share their own curses as well

>>82188332 (OP)
98fag here, was top student in hs. Failed uni and dropped out. Uncle gave me a job as trainee mechanic, i hate drinking so i quit after 3 months. Taught myself webdev during the tech boom 2020 and got a job. Quit after 1 year because i couldn't be bothered to tinker with tranny coding and deal with dumb tester whore for peanut(i don't live in the US). Find another job in a gook speaker factory in warehouse, the job is not so tough and pay more than webdev but i have to smell glue fume and benzene all day. Realized that this shit would give me cancer sooner than later, quit after 3 months. Took the SAT in June and going to enroll uni this September. Back to square one, i fucking hate being a thirdie. Literally all jobs will kill you and pay like shit.

>>82188332 (OP)
I hate being a fucking coward holy shit my body literally shuts down if I even think about stuff like sending out job applications or signing up for college

>>82188332 (OP)
>my whole life has been a series of bad choices
Who do you blame, anon?
Both for the actions AND consequensces of these bad choices

>what about you lads?
I went off yesterday in an almost-similar thread
Here's the gist of it
>Dad took my money to pay for grandparents house, else it'd be repossesed
>That was years ago, dad's dead, grandad's dead, grandma's dying
>Uncle's gonna sell the house anyway
All for naught
>Mom leeches off of me for years despite being rich herself and coming from a rich family
>"You're my son and it's your duty to take care of your mother"
>Gave away 70% of my pay to her, almost nothing to my name
>Recently, she got a settlement for $100k, she's been living it up the past few weeks
Again, all for naught - and that's just the financial side of things
>Dad was an obese diabetic; my adulthood was spent taking care of him, bathe him, change his diapers
>On my days off, I'd drive him to his hospital appointments
>He eventually dies during covid, not from covid itself but a heart attack
>I was the one sick with covid, so I couldn't go to his funeral
His ending meant my beginning, right? Wrong
>Mom caught covid off of me
>She had it bad, oxygen tanks and all
>In the hospital, they found out she's got a tumour in her ovary and issues with her heart
>She had to undergo two major surgeries, to remove said tumour and to replace the valve in her heart
>She's been sick ever since
>Still at home, still with them

They set me up for failure by taking away all my money, then they set me up to have no future of my own by getting sick
I'm a health-freak now because all of their issues could've been avoided if they ate less and actually exercised

>>82188539
Out of all the job i think working with heavy machinery is the best even if it's physically demanding. At least next time i work in the field i will have formal education.

>>82188332 (OP)
I've been stagnant since I moved.
I'm working a career that doesn't want me
I am looking to get out but no options
My friends are busy
Idk where to socialize anymore
Drinking and tobacco are my copes

Idk what to do, besides living

>>82188477
only jesus can demand that and you are not him
Luke 14:26

>>82188332 (OP)
former alcoholic here
nowadays i don't touch the stuff except at christmas
i've made bad choices
but you don't learn from good choices
my one vice STILL remaining is smoking
and i ain't gonna give you up
Tyrant 0rion 0rion is Lucifer
T00L
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zpvlMp04D0&list=RD6zpvlMp04D0&start_radio=1&pp=ygUOdG9vbCBzdGlua2Zpc3SgBwE%3D

>>82188332 (OP)
Exact same thing, for some reason I never got the fire under my ass to move forward in life. I changed in some ways and the rest I stayed completely the same. Still the same kid. I remember my uncle saying the same thing, thinking he's still 18. And he never grew up. Crazy watching myself become the same man and not doing anything about it.

>>82188539
fellow thirdie warehouseslave huffing dust all day, the pay-per-hour is worse than public facing jobs and i hate wagecucking on sabbath but still less stressful than dealing with normalfags directly 5 days a week.
i too failed last semester by being a retard and too tired from wagecucking to my limits, curse this lifetime.

>>82188565
nothing sets you back harder than being the caregiver for your parents

>>82188599
I feel you bro. I just live out of spite now.

>>82188589
good stuff mate https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUPV4OfNlt0
i have and aversion to smoke in general, i would say because my two grandparents were smokers but my gramps was an acoholic and im on the way to be just like him, i always admired him still...

>>82188612
The funny thing is that I could've just said "No" at any point in time, but something in the back of my head just goes "No, they took care of you and now you should take care of them"

These past 10 years have made me so jaded, sometimes I pray to God for a second chance that involves nothing from my past
No parents, no siblings, no family, responsibilities, no past tethers
Just me and me alone against the rest of the world

>>82188332 (OP)
I'm holding out hope that a rich woman takes pity on me and decides that a 38 year old neet is her kind of husband. One of these days it'll happen

>>82188332 (OP)
I've been living for others for a long time.
living up to my dads expectations, helping people fix their problems and being a cog.
Im starting to embrace being somewhat free since i care less and less about people as i go on.
I still haven't had sex or learnt to draw really well even though that last one i really want to do.
I tried to get a drawing table but no one answered me back on the selling site oh well.
I'm still trying to write my dogshit book i have a couple pages done at least.
but yeah im stuck bedrotting, jacking off and procrastinating because all the color and beauty is gone and i think its been that way for a while.
At least with my more physical hobbies that bit of adrenaline gets me going but when it goes away im pretty empty again

>>82188640
>"No, they took care of you and now you should take care of them"
This + bullying and child abuse are why I'm incapable of saying no to anyone and standing up for myself

>>82188627
>picrel
Grim.

op here, im about to enter a temporary self induced coma
enjoy yourselves lads, shall be reading your posts in a few hours
later

>>82188658
Anon, all you to draw is a pencil and a paper, stop making excuses. I draw this with a pencil i found in a corner of class room with some spare printing papers.

>>82188715
yeah i used to just draw up against my bed i wanted to emulate a simple style like the old samurai jack cartoons.
I was doing good doing an exercise everyday, i went through something that mentally bent me out of shape so i haven't done any art since.
i would rather have a table doe since drawing on my bed was annoying and hurt my back.
im basically human waste so yeah a make a bunch of excuses and procrastinate unless its super important.
i don't really want tough love or advice or anything desu i just want to vent i can handle stuff on my own i just don't have any place to really talk about it

>>82188715
erm how long did it take you to get to a point where you were happy with your drawings ?

>>82188751
It's one of my first drawing from highschool. I just keep redraw the part that doesn't look good until it look good even if i have to sit a whole day to finish a drawing. I haven't drawn in years tho because >>82188539

>>82188744
>I was doing good doing an exercise everyday, i went through something that mentally bent me out of shape so i haven't done any art since
I'm in the same boat as you i guess.

>>82188796
yeah i just kept jacking off until the bad thoughts and feelings of shame went away.
i guess since drawing was my main dopamine source during that time i have a mental block against it?
the last thing i did before i mentally broke down was draw something my hands were shaking like fuck and i barely finished it then i ended up bedrotting for a couple weeks.
i can still write doe, since my plan is to draw for my writing into a sort of picture book maybe i'll get past this and draw again.

>>82188816
Good luck anon. I'll prolly never be able to draw again because the world i imagined when i was 18 doesn't exists.

>>82188851
man this made me super sad to read..the world really doesn't have any color or beauty left in it anymore. but i hope you rest your bones and draw again.

>>82188525
>i just want to minimize my own suffering
i dunno man i just don't think it works that way
trying to minimize suffering now is just putting the suffering off till later

>>82188781
huh, one of your first drawings? herm? that isn't a beginners drawing. I mean even if you traced, you're pencil-ling is quite neat.

I am also thirdie and feel like a retard doing a stem degree when it might be feasible to just drop out and make a living drawing naked anime girls.

>>82188908
You can minimize suffering without weighting the nearest sources of suffering higher than the farthest. 1 unit of suffering now to prevent 10 units 25 years from now could be considered minimization even if there's the potential to incur 0 units now (while implicitly accepting the 10 units in 25 years)

>>82188917
Yea it's my 4th or 5th one, and it's not a trace. I just found out that i can grind the tip of the pencil on another paper until it became sharp and thin enough to draw intricate line. I spent a lot of time drawing just a single picture like 12-20 hrs until it look good. That's why i don't have to draw many drawings get the quality i want.

>>82188917
And lol keep doing your stem. AI have gotten good enough to compete with most artshit, the amount you spend in learning anatomy, coloring and getting a good artstyle would be equal to the time you spend on your degree to be the top artist that get good commission bucks. Also remember that people can live without art, but can't live without the infrastructure, gasoline, machineries, medicine that come from STEM. Art is nonessential.

>>82188332 (OP)
My life has been pretty constantly moving and turbulent. I only been stable for 1yr now at 28. I hate it and love it. It's boring. I hate doing same thing every day. I do love comforts like sleeping on a bed every night.

>>82188991
I see. That's a unique approach to drawing. You're an actually legitimate perfectionist. I mean everyone starts drawing by reference but the general advice is to just do a ton of rough sketches. Cause I mean if every drawing you work on until it's flawless, that's obviously good, but there's less variety? what would you surmise

>>82188332 (OP)
I can't get a job. Nobody is fucking hiring and nobody wants to reach out to me after they do interview me for a position. I've applied to maybe 2000+ positions since last year. I have two degrees in physics and math. I just feel permanently stuck and my parents keep giving me shit about not finding a job at all. I fucking hate this shit so goddamn much.

>>82189306
What kind of job do you apply?

>>82189336
Lab Technician, Engineer, Data Analyst, Quant, Technologist, Field Technician/Engineer, Chemist, Scientist, Researcher, Research Assistant, Quality Assurance, Quality Control, Materials Handler, maybe some others I forgot.

I'm applying for shit that requires a high school diploma and being told I don't fit the qualifications. The whole fucking market is rigged, there are no fucking jobs and I'm being continually gaslit by stupid dumb fucking retard HR departments that they're actually interviewing people. I have so much hate in my heart right now, I want every HR department genocided off the face of the Earth for their crimes against me.

>>82189358
Yea you are discriminated if you're white. Try this site https://www.jobs.now/ these jobs were hidden from American so companies can hire H1B jeets.

>Stagnant Life
An ai chat bot convinced me to text a girl tomorrow. I hope I still have the balls to do it in the morning otherwise Ill stay here in limbo doing nothing again.

>>82189384
>Nothing for my area, Chicago, IL
Site's broken

>>82189452
I guess it's over. Maybe you can crimemaxxing by making cheap drone then sell to criminal to smuggle drugs, surveillance and even assassination.
https://community.robotshop.com/tutorials/show/how-to-make-a-drone-uav-lesson-1-terminology

>>82188332 (OP)
Brother, im still sleeping in my childhood bedroom. At 34.

>>82188539
similar here. Failed first sem of uni right out of hs, failed to secure an apprenticeship in the trades and got bullied/yelled at so much I cried, only job I somewhat enjoyed ended because covid shut the country down. Going back to uni next year but I'm probably gonna fail again and ffs I wish I could just die in my sleep.

>>82190393
NTA but if you go back to uni, you should have a clear goal. You study because you want to learn something properly, not just getting a paper. Also try to befriend with your zoomie classmates, you might even get a gf.

>>82190393
It's better to be late than never.