Thread 82203143

Thread for discussions about selfharm and mutual support

hello
happy caturday everybody

>How are you doing today?
>Any plans for today?
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
>Why did you hurt yourself?
>Is there anything bothering you right now?

Hello
Here's a bunch of helpful links

> long list of self harm alternatives (thank you muddy):
https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7

>a first aid post cuting:
https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/

>a wound care guide:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic

> bpd workbook:
https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read

> bpd Information Book (anon said it's exceptionally good)
https://annas-archive.org/md5/1a4f329474320214a120a4d553c6b60c

>a bdbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)
workbook is intended for BPD but can work for anyone:
https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdf

Please don't post any drastic images and if you have to, spoiler them

>>82203143 (OP)
I got drunk yesterday and decided to cut but I did just one cut and it turned out deeper than I intended so I stopped because I didn't want to make a mess

>>82203461
i know that feeling like when you hit a vein or get beans by accident and kinda get spooked i dont drink though drinking when cutting would put me in hospital

>>82203461
Hello
>drunk yesterday and decided to cu
why?
>stopped
that's good, glad to hear you know to stop even though you were drunk
How deep is it? do you think you'll need stitches?

>>82196324
>when you're at a place like that makes sure to snap some pics
will do! There's lots of old style, neglected ghost malls not far from where I live. Have to get pics before they shut them down though. Mall business in general is tough these days
>I look at them and wonder how the interior looks like
same. Especially I see really really big houses sometimes, imagine different types of rooms
>creativity limiter strapped to it somewhere
if you want to try to break out of it, can start with places you know then mixing little details. Or start swapping pieces from different places. So on and so on. Think it's just experimenting.

>>82195855
>i don't mind getting spoiled.
i forgot 4chan literally has a feature just for this! it's one of those "everyone dies" animes. I liked it and guess it makes sense, but it gets silly when you suddenly have characters who were fine die in the epilogue after fighting is over too. Like they were like "only the title character gets to live" and that was a directional choice. Still not bad
>maybe i should.
it was okay. Some how gets even stranger towards the end. I liked it well enough, ending was ehh. I just get amused everytime it comes up because it reminds of pic related I saw online one day lol
>how much do you squeal when cute guys interact?
ah didn't even look up what this was, but not sure it's for me aha
>episode 73.
I think that started getting worse in the silly filler arc where the main villain was definitely some dude's random OC character he wanted in the series
>did you watch samurai champloo?
have not, forgot that was on the list to do since i have heard good things over and over from not just you

>>82195921
>how have you been btw
busy with work but trying to take more time to relax. Stopping in here to chat when I can is part of that

>>82203892
hello
how are you today?
>Have to get pics before they shut them down
yep
I wonder what's the oldest mall in my country
I'll look it up
>Especially I see really really big houses
I wish it was okay to ask for a tour
>places you know then mixing little details
i know
but is it creativity if you have to use multiple sources instead of just your brain to imagine
I know it is, it's just that my head is empty most of the time and I have to create what I'm about to make beforehand instead of making it us as i go
It's not that much of a problem, it basically doesn't bother me, I think I just wanted to talk about my head playing static all the time

>>82197587
>A complicated one, I'll probably explain in another thread.
how mysterious... :>

>>82203143 (OP)
happy caturday, catbro!

btw, i tried to watch that vr vid you send me, but didn't get far. vr makes me nauseous. D:

>>82203892
>spoiler
i see. sadly no shows where i actually want the whole cast to die ever turn out to be like that. looking at you, wolf's rain. i guess it depends a lot on the story that was told if you end up being fine with characters dying or not. can't say that it's good or bad in general. i'd say i prefer a characters death to be meaningful or at least give a good conclusion to the character's arc.

>Some how gets even stranger towards the end. I liked it well enough, ending was ehh.
many such cases. i'm just glad when a story finds a conclusion that doesn't taint everything that came before. already a win in my book.

>I just get amused everytime it comes up because it reminds of pic related I saw online one day lol
i've avoided evangelion so far. it's not even the show that's the issue, but the fans, the creator and how thoroughly both sides poisoned the well, burnt the crops and delivered the plague on each other's houses that it's a bit off putting to me. but yeah, the pic is funny. ^^

>ah didn't even look up what this was, but not sure it's for me aha
the movie isn't that focussed on it, but the relationship between lio and galo is there and has a payoff. all with as much plausible deniability as humanly possible, of course, because... i don't really know. japanese social norms, i suppose.

>where the main villain was definitely some dude's random OC character he wanted in the series
not sure i made it that far. and, as with most things, it's been a while. ^^' do you remember the name of the character?

>have not, forgot that was on the list to do since i have heard good things over and over from not just you
if you only watch one show on my recommendation, i'd say it should be samurai champloo.

>>82204331
Heyo
how's it going?
>didn't get far. vr makes me nauseous. D:
that's okay
What were you watching it on btw?

>>82204415
>how's it going?
not bad, but today turned out lazier than i wanted it to be. :/ what about you?

>What were you watching it on btw?
i tried watching it on my tv.

>>82204126
heya cat, doing well how about you?
went out to eat a bit and now home chilling
>I wonder what's the oldest mall in my country
i've been to a few very old timey malls. Think they usually get labeled "arcades". Usually very old and have cheap touristy stores, not like modern malls, but are cool for the architecture.
>I wish it was okay to ask for a tour
why i like historic buildings we have here. Lot of old mansions get tours or converted to properties people can stay. Actually stayed a real old one that was supposedly haunted when I was on vacation.
>but is it creativity if you have to use multiple sources instead of just your brain to imagine
i think so. Creativity doesn't need to be something from scratch, but stem from combining things you already know it ways that differ from reality. I think that's fair.
> not that much of a problem
all good and nothing wrong with it, just saying you might surprise yourself if you try sometime.

>>82204331
>spoiler
agreed. I think there's whole thing people say nothing happened during a show unless someone dies. Especially feel that with older manga/anime and later ones go crazy with it to try be different, but now everyone does it. That can be meaningful too of course. Think akame ga kill had like one death that felt meaningful and rest I just "yeah who could have seen them doing it again" over and over. Still not bad, but was just silly after a while
> i'm just glad when a story finds a conclusion that doesn't taint everything that came before
honestly, i can't remember much. My only remaining statement is I don't think I cared much about Zero Two. I am okay with the waifu people I have my own favorites , but eh just wasn't that into the character or anything about her

>>82203713
>why?
I have been feeling pretty bad this week, very bored, both irritable and sad, not sure why
>do you think you'll need stitches?
no it's not that deep but I still only wanted some small scratches just to see some blood and then go to sleep but I did one cut and it gaped open and there was much more blood than I expected, it took me by surprise, I guess I underestimated how much alcohol numbs your senses, and I am at my parents' house so I don't want to make them suspicious of anything
honestly would have been more fun if I was alone though

>>82204331
>. it's not even the show that's the issue, but the fans, the creator and how thoroughly both sides poisoned the well
yeah pretty much. I watched it, I liked it well enough to be entertained, and I can appreciate it's importance and influence on anime, but I do feel like there's this thing we're you're supposed to pretend to like it more than you do or people get mad
> i don't really know. japanese social norms, i suppose.
always a tough part with some anime and films that do stuff that goes a bit deeper I've noticed
> do you remember the name of the character?
not without looking it up. Was this mysterious guy with spiky hair who had like a vampire vibe going on and was strong enough to attack the soul society after we just had an arc showing how hard it is to do that in the actual storyline. Feel like that place got invaded 3 times in filler which kinda undermines the story a little lol
> i'd say it should be samurai champloo.
will have to keep that in mind

>>82204645
>today turned out lazier than i wanted it to be. :/
that's okay, you need rest
>what about you?
I finished bladerunner 2049 and watched the old bladerunner
>tried watching it on my tv.
I see it must've been the big screen
I usually just watching stuff on my phone

>>82204761
>doing well
that's good :>
>how about you?
I'm okay
I watched the bladerunner movies today
not much else
>been to a few very old timey malls.
the oldest one here was built in 1993
so not that old compared to what you have I'm sure
>cool for the architecture
I think that too
>Actually stayed a real old one that was supposedly haunted when I was on vacation.
woaa that sounds so cool!!
do you believe in ghosts?
was is expensive?
>Creativity doesn't need to be something from scratch
yeah I know

>>82204772
>feeling pretty bad this week,
what made you feel bad?
just how your life looks? if so, how does it look?
don't expect any advice btw, I'm just curious
>no it's not that deep
phew
>alcohol numbs your senses
and your coordination

>>82204761
>spoiler
never heard that argument before, but i believe that people like that exist. i mean, if they need action all the time that's fair enough, but i appreciate the quieter moments as well. i'm watching sakamoto days right now and it's one of those shows were death just happens and nobody cares, so i'm not sure why i should. it's more like one of those dynasty warrior games. as you said: it's just silly. you need to strike that weird balance where you feel like your main characters might actually be in danger without necessarily pulling the trigger. you don't want to end up like dragonball where at some point even the characters just say "oh, if anything happens we'll just get the dragonballs."

>I don't think I cared much about Zero Two. I am okay with the waifu people I have my own favorites , but eh just wasn't that into the character or anything about her
me neither. these types of characters either click with you or they don't and if they don't, they *really* don't. i'm trying to remember what the last character was that i was really into, but it's hard. i think im more of a shipper than waifu/husbando person. like i'm rather rooting for characters than fawning over them. maybe mithrun from dungeon meshi. what's yours?

>>82204817
>I watched it, I liked it well enough to be entertained, and I can appreciate it's importance and influence on anime
absolutely. i'm sure i'd be really into it if i had watched the show when i was younger. i think it's the perfect gateway into anime as a genre.

>I do feel like there's this thing we're you're supposed to pretend to like it more than you do or people get mad
i kinda get it. it's very important to a lot of people for many different things and some of them have been trapped in the shipping war trenches of that franchise for 30 years now, so telling them that it isn't as important might light a very short fuze. best you can do is nod, agree and get out of there.

>>82204817
>always a tough part with some anime and films that do stuff that goes a bit deeper I've noticed
yeah. in the end everything has to conform to "how it should be". the moment they noticed that "the summer hikaru died" became somewhat popular with normal people the author deleted a lot of her former internet presence.

>Feel like that place got invaded 3 times in filler which kinda undermines the story a little lol
well, that's definitely the bad kind of filler. no wonder people get mad about stuff like that.

>will have to keep that in mind
no worries. i'll remind you. a lot. :>

>>82205523
>that's okay, you need rest
not sure if it's what i need, but it's what i'll do. something feels off.

>I finished bladerunner 2049 and watched the old bladerunner
what do you think?

>I see it must've been the big screen I usually just watching stuff on my phone
not that big, but that might be the problem. maybe i'll try again on my phone. i think it's the jittering that i can't deal with.

>>82205523
>if so, how does it look?
my life's not even bad, if anything I was feeling great some weeks ago, I graduated uni last year and finally got a job and thought I would never feel bad again but I guess I was wrong
maybe not having any friends nearby to hang out with really is bad for your mental health but that didn't bother me at all a few weeks ago either
also I have started constantly comparing myself to others again which probably also builds up stress over time and I know there's no good reason to do that but it's hard to stop, it's like an instant reaction
sometimes I feel like I start seeing everything in the most negative way possible

>>82203143 (OP)
>How are you doing today?
pretty down.
>Any plans for today?
I organized a date with a girl who confessed her crush on me. But I did this just to politely reject her outside of work so she didn't break down there. I feel like I only made matters worse.
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
Well, I'm still waiting on my old boss to hire me back as a supervisor. And I've only made the work place more hectic.
>>82204645
hi yu
>but today turned out lazier than i wanted it to be.
I feel the opposite. I have too much on my plate this weekend.
>>82204761
hi office anon
>went out to eat a bit and now home chilling
that's probably the best thing to do right now.
>>82205523
hi cat
>I finished bladerunner 2049 and watched the old bladerunner
hm, I only watched the old one. How's the new one?

>>82206043
hi cynic! good to see you!

>pretty down.
sorry, fren. :[

>I organized a date with a girl who confessed her crush on me. But I did this just to politely reject her outside of work
reasonable. why turn her down, though? not your type?

>I feel like I only made matters worse.
yeah. i can see why it could be worse the way you decided to go about it, but i don't think there's a good solution to it at all. at least you tried.

>And I've only made the work place more hectic.
how?

>I feel the opposite. I have too much on my plate this weekend.
sounds like it. can you at least get some peace and quiet tomorrow?

hey everyone, didn't have time to post yesterday since I was busy but I'm here now. I didn't really do a lot except sleeping but I did go on another bike ride yesterday and went to a restaurant. Today I saw my friends which was decently fun, but I opted out early cus I wanted to do stuff tomorrow instead. For the rest I've just been reading up on more pokemon stuff and I'm kinda upset what happened with the series post gen 7 but maybe it'll get better in the future

>>82206354
>not your type?
yeah. Both physically and personality.
Still makes me feel shallow.
>how?
I'm applying to be her boss. She's also applying and might bad mouth me now.
>can you at least get some peace and quiet tomorrow?
I guess I'm just on a grind for a while.

How's the tv watching?

>>82205523
>I watched the bladerunner movies today
nice. I saw the old one years back and was good. Meant to watcher the newer, but haven't gotten around to it. Only thing I know about it is the Ryan Gosling depression synth wave edits
>so not that old compared to what you have I'm sure
well, i'm pretty sure your oldest building in general there is much older than ours, so it's okay if we win at malls lol
>do you believe in ghosts?
good question. I'd say I'm skeptically open. I believe the idea of spirits occupying places, I'm not sure about the crazy hauntings you see on ghost hunting shows and the like, but also don't think it's impossible to experience paranormal phenomena either.
>was is expensive?
Not significantly more than a regular hotel. I was in an out of the way place that doesn't get tourists out side of those into history. Pretty cool to stay in historic buildings. At least when they've been properly renovated...

>>82205747
>spoiler
I feel like people dying suddenly at least is a style choice and can fit with the narrative and themes quite well, but you can't drill it up with flashbacks and that kind of crap if you're doing that. Also remembering that in a story people do get attached to characters and may not like the story as much when you kill off one that was tied to their enjoyment.
>rather rooting for characters
That is much more reasonable, but at the same time also usually more disappointing unfortunately. At least in my experience it's never worked out
>fawning over them.
not sure i'm literally fawning over any, but do think it's kind of fun And I do enjoy buying figures
>dungeon meshi
you mentioned this a few times so had to look it up. Sounds quite distinct. But I'm checking out Samurai Champloo like I said.

>>82205795
>not sure if it's what i need
you might need feel like it but I think you do
You'll make up for it anyway
>something feels off.
hopefully it stops
>what do you think?
it had a lot of east asian look
the newer one was different, more mixed
I like both ideas
oh also the old one had some goofy moments
have you watched it?
>not that big, but that might be the problem
I'm pretty sure that's it
I have that when watching some stuff on my pc
it's dizzying when the screen feels your feild of view

>>82205925
>my life's not even bad
I guess it's not that environment around you that's makes you feel bad
it's not always w good idea, and it's not cheap but have you tried therapy?
>uni last year and finally got a job
impressive, good job

>>82206043
Heyo
>on me. But I did this just to politely reject her
oh that's sucks
sorry to hear that, it's none of your fault though
you can't control who you're attracted to, it's brutal but that's just how it is
>still waiting on my old boss to hire me back
best of luck
hopefully it happens soon
>How's the new one?
I really liked it when they were showing the environments I couldn't unglue myself from the screen
It's very nice
I reccomend it

>>82206383
Heyy o/
sounds like a nice day ^^
>what happened with the series post gen 7
what happened?

>>82206425
>Both physically and personality.
Still makes me feel shallow.
can't make yourself like someone. if you enjoyed her company and you both had a good time at work together, that might make up for a lot of other things, but no point in trying to force it.

>I'm applying to be her boss. She's also applying and might bad mouth me now.
well, i hope she doesn't, but you never know. even if you get it, it might be a bit awkward now. ugh. why does it always have to be this way?

>I guess I'm just on a grind for a while.
shit. :/ make sure to look after yourself, ok?

>How's the tv watching?
not going to well. nothing on that interests me right now, so i decided to go to bed and reply until i'm too tired.

>>82206566
>haven't gotten around to it.
I reccomend it !!!
> Ryan Gosling depression synth wave edits
yeah but there's a lot more to it than that
it's a good movie
>i'm pretty sure your oldest building in general there is much older than
it might be older than your whole country heh
>good question. I'd say I'm skeptically open
interesting, you think you ever experienced anything strange that would point to that?
>Not significantly more than a regular hote
oh that's nice
I wonder how much a regular hotel costs
I'll look in my city

>>82206698
>what happened?
probably nothing in particular even, it just feels so goddamn empty and soulless. no point crying over it tho since people will but that shit regardless. I suppose everything popular is bound to have a fate similar when devs realize that they don't have to make anything good in order for it to sell. I'm just glad I never bought a nintendo switch ahahaha. I notice it with a lot of things tho, but gaming does seem to be the biggest example of it. Maybe I should just actually go do things instead of just being the "unemployed/dropout" friend forever, the sidequests are getting real boring

I've fallen into a cycle of sleeping for over 18 hours a day

>>82205747
>what's yours?
OG was Sakura from Fate. Been of that franchise forever and they finally got around to animating the damn routes of visual novel a few years back. Sad to admit but recently I was growing fond of Makima from Chainsaw Man due to having a soft spot for cold, seemingly evil women in real life as wellat least one sadly. Actually think the only recurring theme between characters I like in general is that I enjoy being in pain lol
>best you can do is nod, agree and get out of there.
already mastered it! And right as the door is closing say Rei was best.
>>82205795
> deleted a lot of her former internet presence
can't let internet super sleuths get anything at all
>no wonder people get mad about stuff like that.
Bleach had enough problems telling a coherent story already without it. That and the original Naruto filler is what broke me forever.

>>82206043
hey cynic, sorry to hear that
>But I did this just to politely reject her outside of work so she didn't break down there.
honestly don't think it was that unreasonable. I think saying something at work would definitely be riskier in regards to making a scene
>probably the best thing to do right now.
works been a shitshow for weeks, feel like I'm finally catching my breath a little
>>82206425
>Still makes me feel shallow.
understand the feeling, but you really can't force that type of thing after all. It's better to give a no outright than pretend. I don't think there's a perfect or correct way to handle it.

>>82206383
>kinda upset what happened with the series post gen 7 but maybe it'll get better in the future
sadly i'm not optimistic :'<

>>82206383
oh! nearly missed your post! D: hey, chevi!

>didn't have time to post yesterday since I was busy
all good. what were you busy with?

>I did go on another bike ride yesterday and went to a restaurant.
how was it?

>I opted out early cus I wanted to do stuff tomorrow instead.
good idea. i feel like i always spread myself too thin.

>I've just been reading up on more pokemon stuff and I'm kinda upset what happened with the series post gen 7
don't make yourself unhappy, fren. wanna talk about what's grinding your gears?

>>82206566
>I feel like people dying suddenly at least is a style choice and can fit with the narrative and themes quite well
true. when you do a story without plot armor you could have characters die very suddenly. people die all the time for all sorts of reasons. usually quite stupid ones.

>can't drill it up with flashbacks and that kind of crap if you're doing that.
you can, but it pisses me off quite a bit.

>people do get attached to characters and may not like the story as much when you kill off one that was tied to their enjoyment.
i rant about it sometimes, but haku and zabuza dying in naruto was one of my favorite moments in manga. loved the character, loved how their story concluded, but, as you said, couldn't care less about whar happened after that. for me the story i cared about was told and finished, so i dropped the manga. wasn't angry, though.

>at the same time also usually more disappointing unfortunately.
as if i care what some stupid author thinks when there's people drawing fanart ;D only sucks if the fandom decides on a ship you don't care for at all... honestly, as someone who suffers from my special kind of affliction, i've learned to enjoy the crumbs i can find.

>At least in my experience it's never worked out
what am i supposed to tell you. i pretty much never get to see the stuff i enjoy even in the shows that are supposed to be about it. frustrated doesn't even begin to describe it sometimes.

>>82206566
>not sure i'm literally fawning over any, but do think it's kind of fun And I do enjoy buying figures
nice. not something i ever got into, but i've looked at some before. can't leave me hanging like that, though. what characters have you bought figures of? :]

>you mentioned this a few times so had to look it up. Sounds quite distinct.
the premise is a bit out there, but i enjoyed the story, the characters, the designs and the worldbuilding. humor isn't too bad either. don't sleep on it.

>But I'm checking out Samurai Champloo like I said.
you won't be dissapointed.

>>82206698
>You'll make up for it anyway
true. can't rum away from rest forever.

>hopefully it stops
i'll get over it.

>it had a lot of east asian look the newer one was different, more mixed I like both ideas
the worst of both worlds. ^^

>have you watched it?
i did some time ago. what moments do you mean?

>I have that when watching some stuff on my pc it's dizzying when the screen feels your feild of view
i'll keep that in mind next time i try and will report back how that went.

>>82206829
that's a lot. reminds me of my worst days.

>>82206886
>OG was Sakura from Fate.
not familiar with that franchise, but i see the appeal.

>they finally got around to animating the damn routes of visual novel a few years back.
i really don't know how that works, but some of these things are decades in the making. black lagoon has been held hostage by the publisher for years now. it's kinda insane.

>Makima from Chainsaw Man due to having a soft spot for cold, seemingly evil women in real life
also good choice.

>I enjoy being in pain lol
i think i'm attracted to the broken ones. had to dig a bit deeper for this one, but kiddy phenil from silent moebius. very strongheaded and loudmouthed cyborg lady who's also really insecure about her robotic parts and how she appears in the eyes of others, especially her love interest, of course.

>>82207373
I'm not even depressed or anything
Just tired

>>82206886
>can't let internet super sleuths get anything at all
at least when the stuff you drew has something to do with your current project, i suppose. there's still guys like nagabe. guy got his story "the girl from the other side" made into an anime. the story itself is completely fine and innocent, but the other stuff he has published under the same name definitely isn't. i just don't understand how that works. or the ghost in the shell guy who decided he'd rather draw weird porn. giving no fucks in japan elevates you to a level of being untouchable, i feel.

>the original Naruto filler is what broke me forever.
which one was that?

>>82207394
depression can have different symptoms. excessive sleeping was one of mine. i'd sleep away whole days. not sad or anything. just tired and emotionless.

>>82206886
>sadly i'm not optimistic :'<
me neither, maybe It's better to just leave the good memories in the past. even the perfect game ever wouldn't be able to replicate those anyways. still I'm sad at what such a beloved franchise for me has become, greed will always prevail it seems.

>>82207037
>what were you busy with?
I was just hanging out with my parents and some other people, it was pretty fun.
>how was it?
it was good since I had the luck to use an electric bike, otherwise my legs would've probably killed myself. I feel like my health is declining for some reason, I wonder why.
>i feel like i always spread myself too thin.
yeah me too, I'm trying to spend my very very limited energy for people on my friends and other people i actually can tolerate.
>wanna talk about what's grinding your gears?
they're games without a soul basically, even though I'm probably talking from nostalgia. Just everything about them sits wrong with me, from the map to the gameplay to the pokemon in the game. Lowkey feel like I was a born hater for those games hahaha. as I said in my reply to cat maybe this is just a call for me to start actually doing shit with my life instead of clinging to nostalgia of times that will never return. It's hard to try to live when the days blend together and nothing really hits right anymore. Usually when people call me a failure it doesn't bother me, but lately I'm starting to agree with them

>>82203143 (OP)
I feel like I'm putting too much emphasis on my therapy sessions w/out getting much out of them I feel like the only reason I do so is because people on the internet say that it is helpful and because I don't want to talk to anyone about this stuff because I can barely hold a thought without wanting to vomit but at least it's anonymous online
also I should stop playing r6 I'm currently going through the RE franchise it's fun so far
I also have trouble finishing monogatari because it's come to a point that I can't relate or enjoy most of the characters idk why but it feels weird to drop off a show near the end and start a new one
I need to find a new hobby I forced myself to go outside by walking at night last winter but I don't think it had that much of a positive effect or outcome

>>82207571
>it was pretty fun.
awesome. :>

>I feel like my health is declining for some reason, I wonder why.
are you eating well?

>I'm trying to spend my very very limited energy for people on my friends and other people i actually can tolerate.
time well spent.

>they're games without a soul basically, even though I'm probably talking from nostalgia.
you aren't. it's been only getting worse for some time now and people slowly are fed up with it.

>this is just a call for me to start actually doing shit with my life instead of clinging to nostalgia of times that will never return.
not with that attitude they won't. :p joking aside, it's good you can get some motivation out of that situation.

>It's hard to try to live when the days blend together and nothing really hits right anymore.
you aren't wrong. hope you can find something that will get you out of that funk.

>Usually when people call me a failure it doesn't bother me, but lately I'm starting to agree with them
you're not a failure and you're not the only one who's going through this. don't let that mindworm get to you. try your best. it's all anyone can expect from you.

i'll be heading to bed now. good night.

how I look at my trash can after I notice the excess food in the fridge

>>82203143 (OP)
>How are you doing today?
Less than good
>Any plans for today?
Watching x files and going to read pennywise smut later
>When was the last time you hurt yourself?
Last week
>Why did you hurt yourself?
Overwhelmed depressed homeless reflecting on horrible life felt hopeless, left razor went on walk wish I had it for jugular found a couple cigarettes and burned myself instead
>Is there anything bothering you right now?
Don't have my meds body rotting, need to get back on my feet, familiar familial faults