>>82245140 (OP)
Please don't kill yourself, anon. I know things seem bleak, but they can improve, they always can.
Being on this site isn't going to do you any favours though. People here are more interested in blackpilling you in to suicide than they are in actually helping you out and giving you genuine advice.
Know that it's not over and maybe spend your time somewhere more positive. I'm not a therapist or anything, but if you wanna talk about what issues you've been facing in life, I might be able to help?