Thread 82250842

What's the point anymore bros? What keeps you going? Ever since losing my only friend three years ago, I haven't lived anymore. I'm young too, I should be in my prime, living my life. Yet, the only place where I can actually talk to people is here, as sad as it sounds.

I feel soulless now, and have been for the past three years. I coped in many ways, but none of them worked. Now I just play video games as I leach off of my parents. All the while, my entire family expects me to do something, but I don't have the heart to tell them I've given up. I'm only 18, I know I can change my life, yet I have no faith in myself.

I hate how normies are, I hate how I can't be honest without them saying "I folded under no pressure", and there life seems so simple compared to mine. What keeps them going? How can I feel motivated again? Or is it all in my head?

as retarded as it sounds think of 1 (one) thing that you want and put in a little work every now and then when you feel like it towards achieving it. thats literally all it takes for me after having years of stagnation

>>82250842 (OP)
>What keeps you going?
spite

>>82250888
>think of 1 (one) thing that you want and put in a little work every now and then when you feel like it towards achieving it.
Doesn't sound retarded. The most I've been happy these past three years was a few months ago when I finally decided to get a job to buy a new computer after my old one broke.

It felt nice finally working for something, and I enjoyed researching the different parts and actually working towards that goal. But by the end, the motherboard came broken and I couldn't figure out what was wrong with it so I had to send it back to RMA and it was shipped back broken and there was this whole cycle which after a month which left me feeling nihilistic again by the end.

But now there's nothing really that I want to work for, and it feels demoralizing planning a future when it all seems so bleak, when there's no one to work for. I cope by blaming picrel

>>82250958
>spite
Well yea, that's probably the reason I haven't killed myself, I'd be the loser then. I'd rather take some asshole normie with me at that point (I'm not a school shooter Jannies, just joking)

>>82250842 (OP)
>What keeps you going?
Well I figure I'm gonna die some day anyhow, so I'm gonna give it my best shot until my number comes up.

I'm too much of a pussy to pull the trigger. I have the gun. I just need to fucking do it. I was so close the other day. I had the safety off and one in the chaimber. My finger almost did it. But I ended up helping and put the gun down. God fucking damn it all.

I just exist.

>>82251154
The reason I haven't killed myself is because I'm a pussy too, but moreso I'm too paranoid. I'm a Christian, I don't want to end up burning in hell for a dumb mistake. Although according to my logic my 16 year old friend is currently burning in hell as we speak, although I don't like thinking about that and I'd rather believe otherwise. I don't know what gods plan for me is, but it seems like he's being neglectful over me, and thinking he's doing a test just makes me feel egotistical

>>82250842 (OP)
Listening to Depeche Mode and reading Frieren manga. I know it's pathetic to say and I hate my job.

I have things I enjoy and that's what keeps me going, the fact that I can keep enjoying them. Yes, the angst may appear from time to time, but deep inside I'm still one, I still have my tastes and aspirations, even if I feel they are distant from me... which happened from the last six to two months (february till the month before last), but now I'm doing alright again.
Anon, I imagine that things have been difficult to you after the loss of your friend. But I also imagine that there are things you like, feelings you want to feel. Even if this isn't clear right now, I think it's the case. Knowing yourself is the key: we're always changing, so we need to stop and think about ourselves and the world surrounding one us as the first step. And you are already doing this!

Now, I've been asking this very same question for myself, and coincidentally I'm 18 years old as well. Not that I thought hard about this matter, but I couldn't reach a answer that sounded universal.

>>82250842 (OP)
Nothing is my raison d'etre. Life, even an empty one, is a good enough reason not to die. I haven't hit abject misery in spite of my listlessness.
I don't have anyone or anything really. The only thing keeping me out of stagnation and homelessness is incredibly petty shit.
Dying is also pointless so I have no logical conclusion other than to linger for the sake of doing so.
It's also a nice fallback reason to have in case the depression comes back and eats me alive again.

>>82250842 (OP)
Eating good fun, buying and playing new old ps3 games I never got to play, getting skull shirts, hanging out with friends and family, the fact that I ain't dying before I get to vacation in Italy.

>>82250842 (OP)
>>82250842 (OP)
For me, it's the 'bux, and the hope of getting some unpaid cunny someday. I turned 39 today.