Thread 82413729

I have a general dislike of women, and the idea of getting close to women is freaky and makes me feel vulnerable. They seem like they'll bully me or use whatever I tell them as a weapon. They love to socialize and will tell everyone your deepest secrets. They will show disgust if you show them any weakness or share with them your vulnerabilities. This itself could end the relationship. This means you have to wear a mask around women and can't be genuine with them. I know not all women are like this, but it seems like the majority of them are. I am 25 years old, and although I've had hot girls crush on me in high school, I've never had a girlfriend.

I grew up with my adoptive father and my grandma. There was rage in the household every day from my grandma. I will never forget the pitch of her voice changing as the rage built up in her. She would also hit my dad. I was always terrified of her. She didn't respect my privacy or any boundaries and told me I had no right to myself or my room. Whenever I would take action against her bullshit, she would always flip the script and try to paint herself as the victim. She was a cunt. She made me feel ashamed for what was just normal child retaliation against her actions. My dad, on the other hand, was very loving and caring and had shown respect towards me.

I remember having a female friend in fifth grade and randomly getting pissed off at her and telling her to take her shirt off once, but not for sexual reasons, but because I knew this would make her feel bad. I imagined she was giving me the middle finger. She was my friend, and we had some cute interactions together. I got angry at her for no reason. I also remember lightly squeezing one of my pet hedgehogs when I was 18 when I thought he was a girl. It was a sick act, even though I didn't permanently harm him. He ended up being my favorite hedgehog from the two I had. I feel a lot of guilt and shame from these acts.

I feel like I have this underlying hatred for women. I may find them sexually attractive, and I may genuinely like some of them if they're nice to me, but I will always occasionally devalue them just for being women or at least have some level of suspicion. My self esteem is also crushed at the thought of flirting with a woman, especially a young, attractive woman. Men who are successful with young attractive women, especially if they're not chad, piss me off. How did they get so lucky?

Can anybody else relate?

>>82413729 (OP)
>>82413733
There's actually nothing morally wrong about torturing (including sexual torture), mutilating, and killing women for the sheer enjoyment of it. In fact, a good portion of them will like you better if you adopt the attitude that you could destroy them on a whim at any moment. I just want you to be aware of that, and anyone else who might be reading.

way too many words im not reading all of that

>>82414005
>There's actually nothing morally wrong about torturing (including sexual torture), mutilating, and killing women for the sheer enjoyment of it.
I actually want women to do this to me. I'm a sexual masochist. I want to cuddle with her afterwards. This might be a product of my guilt and shame.

>>82413993
Yes. Especially
>the idea of getting close to women is freaky and makes me feel vulnerable. They seem like they'll bully me or use whatever I tell them as a weapon
On top of this they are extremely controlling and treat you as if you're inherently evil or broken if you do even minor tasks in a different way from them. My hate and disgust for them is very deep
>>82414005
But I don't want to do that anon

>>82414034
I think this is a shame because in fostering that kind of attitude you are implicitly encouraging women to be even worse monsters then they already are.
>>82414055
>But I don't want to do that anon
That's fine, it's not for everyone. You should do the things that make you happy and not be influenced by anyone else to do something that you wouldn't enjoy the fruits of. But I do think it's important for you to know that it wouldn't be wrong if you did want to do those things.

>>82414080
>That's fine, it's not for everyone.
You're the first person with this kind of attitude that I've met who is also so libertine.

Despite that, it's still not a solution for me, because no matter what, I have to change some aspect of myself. I either have to get rid of the part of myself that wants to be nice to women, or I have to get rid of the part of myself that's attracted to women at all. Doing either one is incredibly difficult.

I guess that's how life is tho. No one ever said it would be fair...

>>82414136
>I either have to get rid of the part of myself that wants to be nice to women, or I have to get rid of the part of myself that's attracted to women at all.
Could you not be both nice and attracted to women, and still accept that they are incapable of warmth or love? Treat them like cute birds or something: I can be kind to birds and appreciate their colorful plumage, but I am not upset or perturbed when they simple fly away to investigate a worm, or whatever else motivates dumb birds. Could you not adopt this kind of attitude towards women?

>>82414242
Not really no, because I want to have kids and I need a woman I can trust to be a good mother for that

>>82414258
You can't trust any woman to be a good mother, even the most successful and attractive men have to just roll the dice and hope it's a decent bet.

>>82413993
Maybe on tumblr? that's where blogspammers should go

No I can't relate to what you're bringing up here, at all. But I do have a now generalized hatred towards women because I realized that simply put, they (literally every single one of them) have not suffered enough. Suffering, necessity, struggle, all this stuff is the mother of invention, change, adaptation and ultimately growth. Women are by default more emotionally close (doesn't matter to whom because there is a world of difference between something and nothing, which is what a lot of men get) to each other and/or male relatives and friends. They don't know the pit of despair. So they grow up to be very carefree, very childlike in the not-cool-at-all way, because they're like that out of ignorance and sheltering rather than genuine joy and love for life.

This (relative) carefreeness and sociability piss the fuck out of me because well, there's a reason I'm posting here don't you think? These women will be brutally judgemental towards anyone that is not a social butterfly and/or came from a really loving family, which brings me to a similar point you made here >>82413733
>Men who are successful with young attractive women, especially if they're not chad, piss me off. How did they get so lucky?
They didn't get lucky, not exactly. Like you I've noticed this for the longest time, how can male X have a hot gf that apparently really loves him despite being uglier, shorter, poorer and even less socially skilled outwardly? That's because women sense *abused* males from miles away. Abused, hurt (doesn't matter by whom), but not mentally ill because they sure as fuck love dark triads. And there is nothing women hate more than a weak male, this is why guys who seem inferior can sometimes get the better girl, because they, just like the girl, never suffered enough. They retain that childlike way of being.

This is also why I fucking hate non self-made richfags, ie. nepo and trustfund babies. This is unsurprisingly also why women like them.

>>82414366
Yeah that's the whole problem
>>82414491
I kek'd at this desu

>>82414136
Get rid of the fear dummy and work your way through your trauma. You seem like a nice guy (in a good way) women will like you i promise.

Also many women do love and are trustworthy don't trust the other anons. >>82414494 but that shits true

>>82413729 (OP)
My boyfriend was a lot like you, still does have some of the issues you speak of, but he's gotten a lot better with time. We met on some like wowrp discord 6 or 7 years ago, and got to chatting as our characters interacted a lot. While he heard early on that I was a woman, he doubted me; and after he considered me a good friend, we vc'd and he found out I was telling the truth. He was flabbergasted, but I was still the same person he'd became friends with, so he stuck with me.

He'd become a lot more paranoid and aggressive at times though. He'd be afraid of telling me what he's struggling with or being vulnerable as he believed I would attack him with it or tell everyone. He was afraid I'd leave him on a whim, or when I told him things, I wasn't being genuine. In turn he'd often do the things he feared against me. I stuck through with him regardless because I knew he had a good heart, he was just terrified. I know what it's like to struggle, I struggle with my own issues.

I guess with time and the ever building evidence that I've never done any of the things he's feared, it helped him improve. Over time we both grew to love each other more than friends, and he's grown to be miles better than how he was. He still finds it difficult for him to be vulnerable, but for the most part, he seems recovered.

I just wanted to share because I want you to know there is hope you can change, and be able to be with a woman you love. While it would be great if a woman who understood and would be able to get along with you despite your fears and possible outbursts fell into your lap; it's unlikely. I'd recommend a male therapist who may specialize in this sort of thing, but I know men tend to avoid therapy. Really the best way to overcome this fear is befriending more women. You don't have to get close to them, but you can keep them at a safe distance. You might find a friend you realize you can get along with

>>82415322
I know you mean well but this might be the dumbest post I've ever seen desu
>>82415369
Not OP but considering this is one of the only times in my life I've ever seen a woman acknowledge that a man might have a good reason to be wary of women it's not likely OP or anyone else will have any similar success

>>82415395
Yeah I figured, it's why I said it was unlikely that you'd happen to find a woman who would understand right away. But also, you never know. If he is able to voice it, and say either directly or vaguely that he has difficulties with women due to his upbringing; then I think it would get him sympathy and understanding for it. It's uncommon for men to have this fear, so it's hard to assume that's the reason a guy is being mean or distant.

Back when we were friends before he knew I was actually a woman, he would voice his grievances and issues with women; so I was able to be understanding when he struggled. Had I not known, I would have figured he was just mean just because he's a jerk.

>>82413729 (OP)
im sorry your childhood sucked and you feel like shit, i hope you work your way out of it and im here for you in some abstract way

>>82415455
I'm not even mean to women and they still treat me poorly.

But I won't fight you on this. I'm not so far gone that I can't accept there aren't at least a few women who are genuinely nice.

>>82415682
You want to elaborate on how they treat you poorly?

>>82415395
Am just kind hearted bro my mom tried to suffocate me as a kid i had the same issues to overcome and still have hate in my heart against whores but im working hard on cleansing my soul.

>>82415455
I like this idea but want to add that women who understand are not that rare just take your time when talking about it at the right moment. Even bringing up incel shit often is oke if they don't consider you an incel and mostly what their idea of an incel is fits noone on this board

t. normielarper

>>82415708
Mainly by being arrogant. Most women always assume that their way of doing things is the best way. Even when they don't argue with you about it you can still often see them pouting when you do things differently from them. They don't understand that people have equal standing by default and they need to provide some kind of justificstion if they want to ask others to change.

Not all women are like this. But most are, at least the ones I've met.

In fact, the majority of women I meet I couldn't even tolerate as friends for long, let alone as a girlfriend or wife.
>>82415776
>Am just kind hearted bro
Well, okay lol
>mostly what their idea of an incel is fits noone on this board
Elaborate

>>82415776
Yeah I'd agree, most normal people have empathy. And contrary to what faggots on here say, women have just as much empathy as men. It's human to go relate and empathize to suffering and struggles

>>82415369
Are you projecting what you were going to do with me?

>>82414494
>but not mentally ill because they sure as fuck love dark triads.
>And there is nothing women hate more than a weak male
Dark triads are mentally ill. Narcissists and sociopaths don't have any empathy, and narcissists can be very childish. They almost certainly grew up in traumatic environments. They are mentally weak people, but they are manipulative and have a strong fear of vulnerability, which is also why they have low empathy. They are incapable of emotional closeness; and therefore, they are incapable of love.
>This is also why I fucking hate non self-made richfags, ie. nepo and trustfund babies. This is unsurprisingly also why women like them.
Same here anon. I started this thread a few months ago.
https://desuarchive.org/r9k/thread/81161149/

>>82415824
Idk to me it seems what is pushed in media and insta is either pretty harsh propaganda or a misunderstanding of the memes here. Tbf even i sometimes don't know what is a meme what is shit posting etc like sure i like to type nigger and fag from time to time but im no racist you know? I assume most anons are the same, surely the white userbase has maybe barely a majority?and like with the racism here its the same with incel ideology. Most anons don't think they deserve their state mandated girlfriend. Most anons don't think society ows them sex or anything for that matter. They just think maybe someone should care, take a second look maybe.
Unfortunately i think that could be especially hard for women considering the nature of this all is hate and women (anyone oc) have a very strong need to stay safe you know. So sometimes a second look may mean a hit, rape, death. Rare but could happen.

To your thing with them being always right and the center of the world and what not idk it is what it is just stay chill and listen to her its probably a test anyway. Most normie men (and i mean MOST) dont ever listen if its not relevant to improve their chances to fuck so just listening and considering their input can mean a lot. Also you likewise don't know how it's done i assume so maybe figuring out things together could work!

Also unrelated final word learn implicit conversation i feel like you often feel misunderstood or not correctly communicated with but i would assume 75% of cases you feel that way you just didn't get it, not to be rude or anything but its like learning another language it takes time

>>82415940
But why should I tolerate being tested or having to change my communication style for others anyway :/

This is exactly it. I'm always expected to bend for others even though I don't expect others to do the same for me, not that they would if I did

>>82415969
It goes both ways. I reached my limit for my side and if she struggles and spins more that's on her. All she is doing by not reciprocating, not doing her side is pushing me away to do it with someone else who will reciprocate that.

She is the one who loses

>>82415969
Because you are the scary big man im afraid and because of all that center of the world thing maybe. Idk. What i do know is that it's not that hard to change some things about you eg how you communicate nonverbaly and even easier to do for someone you like.
Im having a lot of fun larping as normie especially recently with meds and stuff (100mg venlafaxin) you could too!

But know im 27 i work on this shit a lot since 5-7 years and i have to tell you all that shit you complain about i of course see to. But what im saying is just learn to live around it, play with it. In the end it's all just a fun little game

>>82416018
Why in the world would I want to larp as a normje nigga

>>82416086
To play the big normie game retard then you can drown your sorrows in a semi normal life instead whatever it is you are doing it might be not real it might never be idk but at least its more fun than being at home alone being sad or angry for some barely known reason

Also a decent normie life comes with drugs and sex and party if your into that nb4 "muhh but im no chad" I don't care Noone cares its just a meme (kind of but Chad is not who you think)

>>82413993
I relate about the relationship with your grandma, well my mom is old i mean she is 61, i have 21 she was very controlling, my dad?, well is old too he is 63, but he dont give a fuck about my existence at all, i grow up ignored, i did very well in high school, i was good, then i enter uni at 18, there my mind was incapable of coping about my future, people, love, relationships, friends, job, wife and kids, i blame my parents, they just basically just give me boomer advice, boomer taste, boomer view of the world, so i became a drug addict, started with benzos then alcohol with benzos, and finally cocaine, to be capable of having energy to get up my bed, do my uni shit, now im here, i end up in jail because one day i really became paranoid and psychotic and i was going to blow myself with a gas pipe, was there for a month, now im here I'm still a junkie, just with a more crude view of the world now.

>>82413729 (OP)
I kind of also have some implicit misogyny, my mother was a cold blooded narcissistic cunt, I never really felt any love from her. She was emotionally abusive, she would get upset for something unreasonable, and if she got mad she would be angry the whole day.
I don't feel anything towards her, I don't see her as my mother. But if she starts her petty shit ever again I will definitely bring her an ass kicking, fuck what they say about not hitting women, I can't stand anything about that cunt. Thanks to her I feel like I have this curse that I never really understood women, I always saw them as some alien creatures. I mean, probably most males feel like that, but the difference I never knew or really understood what love from women feels like, and I feel like I've got cheated out on life. Even if there was women or girls who were kind to me, I just don't really recognize if there was genuine kindness from them. Also adding the fact that I'm overweight doesn't help, I feel so damn ignored. Thank you so fucking much, mom.

>>82416462 >>82416574
Literally same bros exept the jail part

>>82416574
I think most women (people even? Not amerifags oc) are genuine when they are nice

Ah and i forgot to add mother's have it hard i think i can't quite understand why but it seems like that especially when in an unstable relationship with the father (guess then i kinda get it)
Ill never forgive my mom for trying to suffocate me it stole my light for at least the next 20 years of my life but she's still just human. Id forgive my wife for something like that, idk I feel like we should be able to forgive our mothers (or grandmothers) .

Also: really nice thread op, thank you for sharing :)

>>82413993
I relate, specially with
>I will never forget the pitch of her voice changing as the rage built up in her
Sometimes I hallucinate my mom angrily calling me and if I close my eyes I hear mumbled screams in her voice.

>She didn't respect my privacy or any boundaries

The thing is I almost never took action against her and would comply easily, which for some reason always made her more mad ("You should learn to stand up for yourself!!").

I never had female friends but some girls showed interest in me, and I rejected them for pretty much the same reasons you explained.

>>82417453
>>82414034
I relate to this too. In my case it stems from that happening multiple times with my mom. She'd beat me up while I was on the floor and then few hours later she'd come crying and apologize with a hug.