Thread 82415497

>Girlfriend of 5 years breaks up with me after landing a new job
>Ghosts me, takes the cowardly way out of the relationship
>Rewrites history to make herself a victim and to have a clean(er) exit.
>Mfw I supported her through her emotional, physical and financial lows. Throughout the relationship she either had a low income, or no income at all. She also has a history of abuse and some real emotional issues
>Mfw I'm alone abroad, we are both introverted and she was my only true friend and lover in this country
>Her family turned her back on me
>Mfw I am now completely alone out of nowhere in a foreign land

It hurts bros. It's like a switch was flipped and she went completely cold. She's always been a troubled person, so I'm not too surprised, but still, I really thought that she loved and we'd grow old together. It seems that if you're a man, emotionally investing in a woman is a strategy for disaster

https://youtu.be/HDbxoUjxZzM

>>82415497 (OP)
may you find happiness again fren

>>82415539
Thanks fren. I hope you're well

Don't worry. She's just retarded and her BPD flipped a switch and I can easily switch back overnight. In the meantime she can deal with some mistake she made and lose me to someone else who loves me more and does not act like a cunt and fulfills all their promises to me

>>82415497 (OP)
She could have done this so abruptly to prevent drama or a really messy breakup it does not mean she did not love you! Her emotions are as little binary as yours.
Also seems like their could be worse than to be stranded alone in some country, could be the start of a great adventure. Where are you maybe i come visit

It might not bring you comfort but just know she will now be more miserable. The way you helped her with her demons the next guy might not.
Focus on yourself and find a nicer woman anon.

Women don't love, they are incapable of forming relationships. It sucks, but you did not lose a relationship. She simply decided she was satisfied with the value extracted from you(time, money, attention, social status, etc.) and ended it. It's no different than a gardener picking the last few tomatoes off a plant before uprooting the whole thing. A season has come to an end, and another approaches. Time for brussel sprouts, spinach, whatever.

>>82416035
Yo where does this myth come from that women don't love i get that you don't see real love that often but i think love is just a hard feeling to cultivate in general

>>82416071
>cultivate
A wonderful and illustrative word choice you made.
It's easy to cultivate the feeling of love, just occasionally be nice to a man while using and bleeding him dry. It's cold, calculated, all about extracting maximum value. In other words, cultivated.

>>82416089
nonono thats not what i meant you cynic fuck i meant as in its hard to realy care for another person on a spiritual level not just the "mh i dont want to loose her i like so much how she is" kind of thing but actuly caring for someones journey that takes time and dedication and is not just a wow your eyes are so deep your skin so warm type of feeling

>>82415497 (OP)
>>Rewrites history to make herself a victim and to have a clean(er) exit.
It's fucked up how often this happens

>>82416071
It's really not hard to cultivate unless you're someone who believes in destiny instead of growth. Unfortunately modern culture has glorified narcissistic behaviour, that says you don't have to compromise and gives the awful advice to avoid anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.
So you have people who aren't willing to face conflicts, aren't willing to fix the inevitable problems that spring up, aren't willing to commit, aren't willing to talk about difficult things, and aren't willing to take constructive criticism. While analyzing every detail of their relationship under the scope of, "How does this benefit me." Instead of, "How does this benefit we."
Then the cherry on top is they are willing to end relationships over the validation or approval of others, think it's okay to run out on someone instead of properly breaking up, and think it's fine to betray and cut off family for no reason beyond not seeing a point to them.

>>82416285
>So you have people who aren't willing...
Ironic that your use of the word people here is actually just a roundabout way of saying women, who aren't even people to begin with.

>>82416207
I was baffled when this happened to me. It is so deeply saddening that she carries an alternate version of events - even though I could literally prove via our old texts that what she believes is incorrect, it doesn't matter because she believes what she wants and is manifesting her own reality.

It's scary how insane women can be.

>>82416315
Is she with someone else now?

>>82415497 (OP)
What country are you talking about?

>>82416315
I have experienced this too with someone I know. They too have issues surrounding mental health and trauma. I think it might be unique to people with elevated estrogen levels and trauma issues like CPTSD, PTSD, or BPD.

>>82416135
Are you a woman? It's -incredibly- easy to love someone. I have to hold myself back from doing so. I find myself taking care of abandoned birds when I find them even.
>caring for someone's journey
holy shit you are a woman. I won't waste my breath further.

>>82416315
It happened to me as well, OP. Everything. The length of time, the rewriting of history, the supporting her at her lowest, even the me being in a foreign country bit.
read this: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/this_is_your_brain_on_heartbreak
tl:dr; your brain will be detoxing for a while no different than getting off of drugs. you will need time. for me, it was legitimately several years. I hope you heal faster. Try not to think about it too much. Have your thread now, cry about it, mourn, but tomorrow try not to entertain any "how could she?" thoughts, just distract yourself into something else, maybe anime.

>>82416430
>I think it might be unique to people with elevated estrogen levels and trauma issues like CPTSD, PTSD, or BPD.
My ex got much worse after she started taking hormonal birth control.

>>82416457
>hormonal birth control.
That elevates estrogen levels so it checks out. This might also explain why people taking HRT act in this manner often too. Trauma and hormonal imbalance with excess estrogen.

>>82416378
I'm not sure. There is a guy she's longtime "friends" with (since before we met and I have met the guy) she could possibly be dating, but when she posts them together they're never touching, she's always hugging her friends and not him, even when it's just those two in the pic she isn't touching him, and she told me they're not dating. Meanwhile when she posted pics of us, we were always touching: hugging, kissing, had our faces pressed together. This guy just stands behind her making soi faces. Yet she posts them together a lot and puts hearts and shit, idk.

Maybe she wants to love him instead of me but can't, maybe he's an orbiter, I really don't know, she told me she is very emotionally conflicted/overwhelmed and has refused to talk about anything for months so I'm "giving her space" and trying to sort out my own shit in the meantime, which is all I can do. Either way, she will have to contact me soon for other reasons, so we'll see if her head's cleared up and she's ready for a conversation.

>>82416430
My ex has BPD and CPTSD, so that checks out. Massive daddy issues, stereotypical Hello Kitty girl. I ignored all red flags. She even told me she thinks she'll be a bad gf, kek.

>>82416452
Not OP but thanks anon. I already went through the worst of it. It felt like I was literally dying for a while. Anons long for relationships but they don't know how terrible it can be if you don't know how to maintain things or choose the wrong woman. This shit is no joke.

>>82416452
Old school runescape is a good all consuming obsession for at least a couple years. It is familiar, but also probably over a decade of new content to explore starting from level 3 assuming you stopped playing before rs3.
Hitting all those 99s again. When you are at work you're on the wiki or playing with calculators. Just a good old fashioned digital crack, and it's as much or more at internet retirement home than here. Average player must be in their 30s. Can be sweaty tick manipulation or super afk. It's as close to a perfect game as they'll ever make.

>>82416071
The divorce rate, that 80% of divorces are started by women, and your hypergamous nature. It's very easy when as a woman all you have to be is not fat to have guys swoon over you.

>>82415497 (OP)
>didn't marry
>alone abroad
>emotional investment
lol.
Try not to get too worked up over the loss of your practice e-gf, ok buddy?

>>82416285
All that shit you list is hard for most people, not for most women. You look at this as someone who clearly thinks a lot about things and himself but most people (normie men certainly more than women) find that very hard. Ignoring own emotions and stuff just to do something that's better for someone whos mind you can't even quite grasp. I recommend "the path less traveled" by some guy im sure you can find it for a decent option on love and what's hard about it and how it differs from "falling in love"
(still i see your points its hard for me too but certainly not impossible)

>>82416315
Happens a lot perception differs it is what it is. Not even what i see in the mirror is the same every day, all based on how i feel. If your own vision changes that much imagine how emotions of other people influence what you think are facts. Not saying your facts aren't facts tho

>>82416452
Im not a woman but bro i wish i was (not a trany either)

>>82416564
Doesn't sound to bad OP i think you should let go od the idea of a break that shits ass but maybe you can be friends in the future if that's something you want

>>82416790
I know that statistic idk what to think about it imma be real could be related to love but could also be that ("normie") men just don't care that much about a bad marriage

>>82415497 (OP)
If you rape her maybe she wouldn't be pulling these type of shit

>>82415497 (OP)
Similar thing happened to me.
>support gf financially and emotionally while she is depressed
>bring her whatever food she wants, help her work with her feelings, give her massages, drive her places, take her to therapy/psychiatrist, make sure she takes her meds, etc. while she mostly lays in bed watching tiktok and playing animal crossing
>this goes on for 4 years
>around year 3 she gets more stable and gets a part-time job but otherwise everything is the same
>year 4 I lose my job and get depressed
>she doesn't support me at all and just starts hanging out with her new friends all the time because they make her feel good, meanwhile I'm drowning in loneliness and misery
>confront her about it and she breaks up with me

How does a person recover from that? Well, I didn't. I never dated again and thinking about it still feels like a sword through my chest.

>>82417157
That sucks bro some people just arw like that idk. Its not everyone

>>82416564
I'm Willing to bet anything she's already dating him. Women ALWAYS do this kind of thing. Fall in love with their "friend" break up with you, then instantly start their next relationship. I bet she's been telling him how bad you are treating her this entire time. Many such cases.

Fuck you if you are reading this fembot because you did this exact same thing. Schizo Scallywag slut.

>>82417736
No that's how women are. they use us men as emotional tampons to throw away. especially r9k women.

>>82417841
idk bro how do you come to that opinion

>>82415497 (OP)
>It's like a switch was flipped
See so many stories about sudden switch flip, makes me never want to get married or share finances

>>82418222
by living as a man and experiencing it

I thought the thread would die overnight, but it didn't. Thank you for the kind words anons, they do help.

>>82415855
This is a good reminder to reclaim one's self worth. While it seems like I only lost her, she also lost me, which may dawn on her later on. I hope by then, if it happens, I'd already moved on for good

>>82416007
Thanks anon. She's said before that if this relationship failed she'd be alone because of her issues, but I don't believe anything of that. Women are never alone for long.
>Focus on yourself and find a nicer woman anon.
Agreed anon. It'll take time because I still feel bonded to her, but I will.

>It's no different than a gardener picking the last few tomatoes off a plant before uprooting the whole thing.
That's an apt analogy and exactly how I felt, my value already extracted, so not useful any longer. She said things such as "all relationships have an expiration date" and "let me save you from a future divorce", which are pretty fucking cruel to say to someone you supposedly love or have loved, but it reflects her mindset, she had already checked out way before

>>82416207
>>82416315
>>82418247
>it doesn't matter because she believes what she wants and is manifesting her own reality.
I've seen this happen with women a lot, not just in my relationships, but in general. They have this inclination to avoid anything uncomfortable by rewriting reality and engaging in magical thinking. I'm sure starting a new job meant for her "this is the beginning of a new chapter, I must abandon everything in the past that's made me uncomfortable in any way, I deserve a fresh start".

>>82416003
>>82416414
Mexico, anons. People are extroverted normies here, to a fault. I feel as if I have to be a circus clown in order to fit in anywhere

https://youtu.be/ZPFXde1hAQY

>>82416452
>read this: https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/this_is_your_brain_on_heartbreak
>tl:dr; your brain will be detoxing for a while no different than getting off of drugs. you will need time. for me, it was legitimately several years. I hope you heal faster. Try not to think about it too much. Have your thread now, cry about it, mourn, but tomorrow try not to entertain any "how could she?" thoughts, just distract yourself into something else, maybe anime.
Thank you anon. A couple of days ago I had to go out for work and I did find myself thinking less about her. You're onto something, having a constant occupation helps, though I still think we need time to just feel sadness, so it doesn't bottle up.

It DOES feel like getting off a drug. I made the mistake of thinking of her as "the one", but I have to abandon this notion.

>>82416905
>>82416564
>Doesn't sound to bad OP i think you should let go od the idea of a break that shits ass but maybe you can be friends in the future if that's something you want
He's not OP, but, I agree with this. Don't trust women with guy "best friends". The guy might just be an orbiter, but that in itself is not a good sign.

>>82417157
>How does a person recover from that? Well, I didn't. I never dated again and thinking about it still feels like a sword through my chest.
Damn, anon. I'm sorry. How long ago did that happen? Maybe baby steps meeting other people would help you to eventually connect once again, but with a better woman? One thing I'm sure about now is to not find broken women and try to fix them, just find a good one that shows signs of having reciprocity as a value, right off the bat, even in small gestures. I think that's a good sign

https://youtu.be/YCyS7EsF-Vc

>>82416285
>>82416300

https://youtube.com/shorts/FGGkRuSLJB0?si=lEr-SBsahI4CLAgO

That's what you get for putting pussy on a pedestal

>>82415497 (OP)
>crying normie bawwiing about his rostie gf
fuck you and your bs
you dont know pain in the slightest, all you know is sex and love
this place is not for you, you vile normie trash

>>82416071
>>82416035
Women are not men, and their love is in the moment, not over time. That's a funny way of saying they don't, as men conceive it but its there. A woman who loves you will do anything for you. She doesn't do it out of desperation or coercion, she fully falls for you in the moment, but can nope out at any time.

>>82419052
See pic related, it's true.

>>82415497 (OP)
It is simply better to not play the game, when you dont play you cant be disappointed by the outcome