Thread 82422705

idk if i can even wait til 25 to end it. im rich off neetbuxx, i can technically do whatever the fuck i want, but nothing can fill the void like love would. its literally all ive wanted since i was young. its all i can think about, having the perfect man to give myself to and be with forever

i wanted to hire a male escort before i kill myself, just for a few hours of cuddling before i end it, but theyre all so hard to look at. BUT i want to experience male touch at least once before i die, im a total khhv, i just wanna be able to hold someone for a little... just hold and nothing more, but it costs so much. even if i can easily afford it, it feels like such a waste? even if im killing myself once he leaves its just, wow, id spend $2k just to hold someone. im sure it wont feel like as much of a waste when i actually get the opportunity

god im so fucking pathetic. im not even actually mentally ill, unattractive, obese, im just incredibly depressed, hopeless, and terrified of men. i always think they have bad intentions. the guy i love, i feep like i cant get a proper read on him, and it scares me a little sometimes. i just think ill end up hurt like every single time in the past. and im just waiting for something bad to happen

i had a 2 day break from making threads because i was actually happy for a bit but r9k dragged me back down again

>>82422705 (OP)
you again, huh?
how did this board drag you down again? were you lurking or something?

>>82422724
i lurk practically all day everyday and participate in other threads outside of my own, so yeah

>>82422705 (OP)
this is the kind of girl who would keep fucking around with people even once you start dating and lie about it desu

>>82422705 (OP)
>im not even actually mentally ill, unattractive, obese
then be my gf

>>82422705 (OP)
If you're a man, grindr is an unironically easy place to get an easy hookup. You can be honest and say that you're inexperienced and some will step up to take it slow.

If you're a woman, you just gotta look a little more and filter out the creeps, there's a few good moids here and there. Dating apps are plenty, even chatrooms or local groups.

Regardless, sorry to hear you're scared of men. Just give me your address anon, I won't do anything horrifying or something, trust me~
Just don't spend money on an escort, it won't fill the void and usually makes it worse.

>>82422738
where do you get this impression, or is this just what you think of all women?

>>82422733
you need to find somewhere else to lurk, anon
or do something else with your time that doesn't involve this cesspool, at the very least
if you've been here long enough then you start to notice how little original content there is, it's just a bunch of bait usually (ragebait, racebait, sexismbait, etc.) and only newfags fall for bait
how long have you been in this board for?

>>82422705 (OP)
they're nowhere near that expensive, nona
unlike the other retards who didn't read your OP, I suggest that you have the guy you like stop stringing you along and come see you

>>82422761
No, it's not what I think of all women. How many dicks are in your inbox?

>>82422758
im only gonna spend money on one if i find one i like enough, and even then i only wanna cuddle a bit before i kill myself, so its saved for that

im a woman, i dont want to use dating apps, and i wont

>>82422764
ive been here since 2016, when i discovered this board i was 11 years old. ive been lurking here up until 16 and thats when i started actually using the board. its been a part of my life for so long, and no matter what i cant leave

i would like somewhere else but nothing really feels the same

>>82422766
im gonna get him over here if he wants to but i think he thought i was joking

theyre roughly $400-$800 an hour depending on the escort. theyre really expensive, i checked 8 seperate sites last night

>>82422770
i have no interest in sex or seeing penis

i have 3 people on discord. the guy i like, and 2 people i used to talk to. a trans girl and a brown guy (who has a cute girlfriend). theres no penises in my inbox

>>82422871
there's cuddle buddy services versus just escorts, nona
tell him your feelings and that you want him to stay for a few days, maybe even pay for a hotel

>>82422871
then get the guy you like and go live your life with your supposed fuck you money, why are you wasting time when you have the ability to do it

>>82422705 (OP)
please stop anonny. please. you dont have to live like this

>>82422871
>since 2016
my condolences, you're here forever, yeah
got a friend to play some games with? or watch them play something, or have them watch you play something (silksong is out and quite nice)
i imagine the whole reason you come here is for the social interaction-- oh wait, aren't you that one who apparently doesn't give a fuck about social interaction? what is it that draws you to this place then?

youre telling me youre a twenty year old mentally ill woman? an actual biological twenty year old woman? and youre, for some reason, sad?

>>82422705 (OP)
helo, have you considered taking ur meds fembot

>>82422705 (OP)
hello yes if you are in Northern Georgia or Tennessee i will make sure you are eventually not obese or fucked in the head, i will Fix You. but if you are anywhere else best of luck cuz i ain't fukken moving

i want my own ame-chan

>>82422884
i didnt know those were a thing, they even have cuddle therapy. thats kinda cool. probably is a lot cheaper

idk, i dont wanna push him

>>82422895
because i dont wanna push him or idk, im scared

>>82422924
i dont care about having friends (im really bad and end up ghosting) but i like low stakes social interaction, thats the difference. i cant stream games anyways but itd be nice to play something with someone, i only have 2 online games tho

>>82422939
anyone can be sad, anon

>>82422963
i dont have meds to take, mental ones at least. ive been told to go on antidepressants by previous psychologists but i kept refusing cause i dont want the side affects

>>82422705 (OP)

Where do you live dumbass orignally

>>82422992
>because i dont wanna push him or idk, im scared
Is he single? Yes? Does he like you/is he nice to you? Yes?
Stop being a coward

>>82422992
you shouldnt be sad, you are young and have much to look forward to. please dont waste your youth.
you dont know it, but you have so much in your grasp. you can learn a new language, an instrument, exercise. if you're twenty, you can shape your future and become something completely different from now. if only you choose to do it.
and be careful with psychologists.

>>82422992
I hope someone steals ur bf from u pussy

>>82422992
>i dont want the side affects
is it the libido loss, ya same fembotter, how much do you make from neetbux, do you live with ur folks, i want to get neetbux but i am also going to see a therapy screening at the end of the month so i hope that goes well :/

>>82423011
well yes and yes but that doesnt mean thatll be a yes for the question of "hey ive known you for like 2 months do you wanna come alllll the way to my country on my dime for a week?"

>>82423017
i dont feel young anymore, i genuinely feel like its over and done. thats how ive felt for years tho. idk, youre technically right, but i just dont feel the drive to continue

>>82423019
hes not my boyfriend so if someone wants to take him its fair game

>>82423043
idc about libido loss or anything, its all the other potential side effects

i make nearly $1300 monthly, i live with my mother. good luck to you anon, hope it goes well for you

>>82423092
why do you have neetbux. why arent you studying something or working?

ame poster chan, can i adopt you

>>82423135
i have autism and anxiety and back issues so im technically classed as disabled. i dont really want to work or study. i didnt finish highschool so i cant work anything that wouldnt make me even more suicidal than i already am

>>82423171
why?

>>82423180
u should finish school. are you, um, stupid? and ugly? like how hopeless is your situation, i want to give advice that fits

>>82423092
>well yes and yes but that doesnt mean thatll be a yes for the question of "hey ive known you for like 2 months do you wanna come alllll the way to my country on my dime for a week?"
Do you know basically every guy would say yes to that? As long as he's not some gigachad fucking 15 other girls at once (although he probably is because that's the kinda men women like) he'll probably say yes if he has no other obligations.

>>82422705 (OP)
>the guy i love, i feep like i cant get a proper read on him, and it scares me a little sometimes
Is it not possible to straight up ask him some things that could soothe your worries? I'm not exactly sure what you need to be reading, after all, but in general I've found that erring on the side of being too open with my thoughts tends to be better than letting everything stew.
Then again I think it's important to admit that I don't worry very much to begin with, so it might not be a fair comparison. Do you think you could talk to him though?

>>82422992
>i like low stakes social interaction
y'know, this is something i've been noticing but you have this mindset that to make friends you gotta pick a person and say "oh i'm gonna make friends with that person"
that shit happens over time, everything is at first a low stakes social interaction

grab someone from here or something and go play one of those online games with them, or i dunno think up another title you haven't tried
for me there's always shit like core keeper, satisfactory, stardew valley, terraria, etc. which are more of those "friends only" kinds of online games
tell us which of those two you own and maybe someone can step up

Lower your standards.I would 100% be open but you simply wouldn't date a loser.

>>82423190
i could finish it but ill be 20 likely stuck with 15-16yos and idk if its worth it. im not stupid or ugly, my situation isnt hopeless to outsiders, but in my own head it is

>>82423192
any guy who has respect for themselves would probably decline, just like women with any self respect would. i wouldnt want someone whos fucking around with that many people, thats fucking disgusting

>>82423209
from my experience being too open ends badly, and im worried about asking those questions because im worried itll make me seem like im one of those super clingy worrisome women

>>82423231
im aware it happens over time and everything, i know how friendships work. but the bonding part and like actually becoming real friends is where i struggle. its hard to explain

adding people from here worries me cause of the types of people that are here.
the only online games i have are tlou factions and outlast trials, i dont really enjoy online games much but i have those

>>82423335
not even having finished school is no way to life, anona

>>82423335
Well, to be honest, you do seem like a super clingy worrisome woman... I just kinda figured he was into it at this point. But you would obviously know more about yourself and how things are going with him!
I dunno, I wouldn't be able to survive without being overly honest and upfront about everything. I'm really bad at playing all those social games of not coming across too X or not enough Y and stuff... I just exist.

What had you on your happy break for a while? Did you do anything particularly good/fun?

>>82423362
many people drop out of highschool. its not a good thing but theres definitely worse things

>>82423335
>bonding
also happens over time as you go through shit together, don't worry about it
>becoming real friends
well, what's your definition of it? what does it take for someone to be considered a real friend to you?

>types of people that are here
yeah, fair
but you've been talking here a while and making these threads, surely one or two anons have caught your eye
>tlou factions and outlast trials
huh, i've never even heard of those, lol
i don't enjoy online games much either but i enjoy base building, combat and exploration titles, as evidenced by my choices

also, finish high school, regardless of age
i've seen people in their 30s-50s back in my school when i was like 15-17, they didn't get a chance when they were younger so they went for it now that they were older
20 isn't all that bad, not by a longshot

>>82423393
i am really clingy but i try to hide how bad it is. idk if hes into that. i make some jokes and flirt by saying some clingy stuff and he seemed to like those sooo maybe he is. ive learnt not to be overly honest about certain things but im pretty straight to the point about my love for someone (him), thats the one thing i refuse to hide cause i hate those games as well

i was still super happy after getting to call him all night, and i got to see a little bit of him (leg), so i was extra happy

>>82423423
ig knowing someone and talking to them is what a real friend would be, maybe? actually trying to define it is hard

the regulars in the threads always stand out to me but idk if id wanna talk to them off-site, even if i think theyre nice and wouldnt have bad intentions

i hadnt heard of 2 of your picks either, the first 2

its embarassing to go back no matter what age, its like announcing youve failed at life. just doesnt feel good at all. tho i really should finish it

>>82423572
My naivete always wants me to tell people to be their raw self, but I forget other people can be more intense than me, and that other other people can be put off more easily than me... It does sound like it's going well so perhaps not changing anything for now is best... But the wait for more must be agonizing if you're as clingy as I assume you are!
>i got to see a little bit of him (leg)
Oho... spicy...

>>82423572
>knowing someone and talking to them is what a real friend would be
hmm... but you can really know someone, talk to them and still not be further than acquaintances
in my book that doesn't add up
>actually trying to define it is hard
give it some more thought then
if you can draw a clear line then it won't be as stressful

>idk if id wanna talk to them off-site
why not?

>the first 2
core keeper is pretty comfy, base building with exploration focus, and some combat to it as well
look it up, you might like it
satisfactory is factorio but 3d and much more chill and beautiful, automation focused base building game with a little bit of exploration to it too

>announcing youve failed at life
not really, not at all
it's announcing you're taking care of your education now, there are a bunch of reasons why one may not finish high school on time
besides, who cares what others think? will you be there to appease them or to get your fucking diploma?

Normally I would shit on you for being stupid, but I'm feeling sympathetic today (and having now read the rest of the thread, I have similar issues lol).
Here's what you (and every other depressed anon) should do.

You can do this one at a time or a scattershot.
I personally recommend scattershot because I'm impatient, but you'll see why that has its own issues.
Make a depresso journal.
Document lots of things, and then start trying new things to fix it.
Document things like "hours of sleep", "hours of social media (including 4chan) usage", exercise, diet, etc. Then look up conventional depression stuff, make a list of things to try, and start introducing them, giving them a one month trial period to see if it helps or not.
Obviously if you're out of shape a single jogging session won't do much.
And then also write down average mood levels / general thoughts.

Basically, you need to surgically address the "I'm so sad wahh" or it won't get better without a miracle. Some people were legitimately helped by drinking more water because, unbeknownst to them, they were dehydrated as fuck.
What helped my depression was fuck you levels of iodine into my diet, 20+ mg (i.e. 1k x the RDA). This is often the case for upset thyroid, but my thyroid levels were said to be fine so IDK.

Random things to try: socializing more, exercising, change in diet, adding iodine, meditation*, improving sleep, you get the idea.
* For meditation... bah, text limit, in next post.

>>82423335
>i could finish it but ill be 20 likely stuck with 15-16yos and idk if its worth it. im not stupid or ugly, my situation isnt hopeless to outsiders, but in my own head it is
GRE != highschool. I'm pretty sure you can take the GRE exam without classes, you just go in take the exam and then bam highschool degree equivalent (maybe study first, but they make it for the stupidest segment of the population so you should be fine being able to type complete sentences like this. Yes, I'm serious).

>>82423689
People who meditate have a different default modal state of the brain.
This means, in layman's terms, that regular meditation actually changes the way your brain works. For most people this is a positive change, though there are some surprising people out there (probably NPCs I guess) who actually get negatively impacted by meditation.

As well, you could also try out religion. Even if you don't believe, who knows it may jive for you. I've known people who were devout athiests before they simply weren't.
If your current plan is to kill yourself you don't really have anything to lose yeah?

Hope you (and other anons sipping depresso) find something that works for you.
Again, for me, iodine helped immensely.

>>82423689
how'd you increase your iodine?

>>82423593
it is agonizing... but yeah i wont change anything, ill just stay like this. plus my super clinginess cools down eventually so it'll get easier

he said he was wearing pants of a super interesting colour so i really really wanted to see them, and he let me see them (but he censored his feet because i kept making feet jokes cause we watched pulp fiction)

>>82423637
yeah youre right, that can apply to acquaintances too. ig i gotta really put some thought into it

well idk, theres the anxiety but i kinda feel like itd ruin the fun of making threads here

satisfactory specifically looks so good, so much detail for a game like that. those types of games arent really my thing but i wanna try that one just cause of how good it looks

youre right... id be there to get my diploma. i worry too much about what other people would think

>>82423689
your advice sounds pretty decent so far, i kinda keep a journal on some of these things already. should do the trialing of new things tho... ive been exercising again recently so ill keep going with that and see if it helps

i get good sleep but as for diet i have arfid and struggle with eating foods so changing that isnt as easy. ive been trying my hardest to incorporate fruit and veg into my diet but its easier said than done. are iodine tablets a thing, i could probably try those. im fine on water cause i have to drink a lot because i take a medication that dehydrates me really badly

we dont have that program in my country i dont think, typically you just go back to highschool, but its something ill consider

ill try meditation again but its something ive tried in the past and it never really helped. i used to pray a lot and was into religion and it helped mainly when i was a young teen or kid, but as i got older it didnt help as much. could always try again

thank you for the advice, anon

>>82423829
>he said he was wearing pants of a super interesting colour
Now I'm just picturing Mr. Guy as Shaggy from Scooby-Doo...

>>82423796
I bought it in supplement form from ebay/amazon and just put X drops on a slice of bread or cracker or something and ate it. You can put it in water, but at the levels I was doing it would slightly burn throat.

When you look at them online, you have to take care in finding the high strength ones (even if you want a low level), because a lot of people now sell "nascent iodine" which means "barely any, we don't want you to hurt yourself uwu".

For instance, let's look at two random items on amazon:
https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Foods-Market-Liquid-Iodine/dp/B074H77YRW
If you look at the amount, 1 drop is 150mcg, or 150 micrograms, i.e. 0.125mg.

Compare to this:
https://www.amazon.com/J-Crows-Lugols-Solution-Iodine-2oz/dp/B07NWNVN12
Which has 2.53mg per drop.
Relatively same price, but one has 20x more per drop. Much more bang for your buck.

When I first did this, I did a 3 month period of 50mg every day to flush my system. Uh. If you want to go that high, work your way up to it lol.
If you start off that high, you may develop a temporary issue as thyroid swells up thinking something's wrong before it goes back to normal (Wolff-Chaikoff phenomena and then Wolff-Chaikoff escape phenomena if you care to read about the minutia). I just slept it off and was back to normal after a couple of days.

tl:dr; I would personally say to start off with ~5mg and increase it by 5mg every couple of days until you reach your desired end point, and then keep at it for a month or so.
For me 20mg is enough, for you maybe 10mg or 40mg, you get the idea.
Pic rel was the thread that got me interested in trying it out.

>>82423829
in my book, i only consider someone a true friend after they've seen the worst of me and still stayed
that and if they haven't betrayed my trust in any serious level, as well as getting to know them past surface level stuff
so to me it's a combo of trust, persistence, and intimacy

>itd ruin the fun of making threads here
not really, nothing stops you from making threads just because you're talking to someone else
in fact they can show up and post too, maybe do a lil' trolling

>satisfactory specifically looks so good
it really does, it's kinda lost on me because i'm someone who values function over form, so usually i end up with a bunch of skyscrapers full of machines inside, boringly rectangular with maybe a paint job here and there
>i wanna try that one just cause of how good it looks
i started a playthrough shortly before silksong released, so i've been alternating between those two
it's primarily focused around automation, but its foundation (no pun intended) is base building
also you can get a coffee cup there and drink from it, which is epic

>i worry too much about what other people would think
common problem, i suppose
if you can get someone to reassure you, it won't be as much of a problem though

>>82423939
interesting, thanks. will try.
i have seen iodine deficiency mentioned as one reason people are emotionally detached or dissociated, would be amazing if it worked

>>82423829
>thank you for the advice, anon
No worries. The important thing I wanted to get across, at the risk of repeating myself, is that depression should be seen as an issue afflicting you that can be gotten rid of, rather than an inseparable part of you that you are doomed because of.

If you're at the point of "maybe I should kill myself", then you really have no reason not to try literally everything else you can think of.
You can always kill yourself after exhausting all other options. You can't try X or Y after killing yourself.

Lastly, since I'm sperging about health stuff, there are three more suggestions people.
1. Fasting.
Unsurprisingly, NOT eating impacts the body. Extended fasts though, i.e. >24hrs, impact the body in interesting ways. From increased autophagy (tl:dr; improved immune system, starts at ~24 hrs) all the way to neurogenesis (growth of new brain cells, peaks at ~72hrs). Past 4 days of fasting you need to consume potassium and sodium so you won't suffer ill effects, but that means before then you can pretty much fast without issue. Water, maybe some caffeine. Towards day 3 or 4 it's really something you feel in your head. Also the hunger goes away after roughly day 2-3.
Not that this will cure depression, but the experience can be useful for a change in perspective.

2. Taking care of something else, be it gardening or a pet. Dogs and other such animals live a long time so maybe not the best idea, but rats, mice, hamsters can be nice.
Also plants can be rewarding to grow and prune.

For meditation, try "the gateway experience".
The CIA actually did studies on it and got to the point where some people were able to undergo surgery without anesthesia.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSdD_EQAgZI&list=PLoYSeu02yySYCgjY3uyPLIEfaHDvckLFU
You would want headphones for this because of binaural reasons.

And that's it for my walls of text, hope it helps someone.

>>82423335
>Any guy who would reject a woman asking him to come be with her has no self respect
Are you aware of how retarded you are?

>>82423942
>>82423829
>satisfactory looks so good
One of my favorite youtubers did a let's play of sorts for it. He was a bug tester way back when and so tries to break the game and usually succeeds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X77MHTOEwXo&list=PLrBjj4brdIRwRkGTLKqH5hlS_mlMYn_J0&index=10
This isn't relevant to anything I just enjoy watching his stuff. Dunno if the link will work but whatever. Channel is "Let'sgameitout".

>>82424073
I would reject a lot of women, I'm not sure what point you're trying to make.
>yes just accept anyone into your life who cares bro loneliness / pussy / I didn't want those organs anyway.

>>82424067
from what i understand fasting intensifies your brain's processes after a while, like if you meditate while fasting it's much easier to have a breakthrough. i wouldn't expect fasting itself to cure you but if you find something that works and you want a more intense version of it then that's what i'd try

>>82424106
that spiral of conveyor belts is both beautiful and infuriating, kek
yeah the game still has a few bugs left unsquashed, the most notorious of which being the hypertube cannon and since that's a limitation of the game engine, it's pretty much unfixable
string along a powerful enough hypertube cannon and you can outright delete uranium and plutonium waste if you go far enough, no death box will spawn that far

>>82424117
Okay buddy. I'm sure you've rejected tons of women like this exact situation. Fuck off you male feminist signalling simp faggot.

>>82424122
One of the things fasting does, is force a reset.
But it resets a lot of random things. For instance, your sleep schedule. At first it's "reee i'm hungry so i'm having trouble falling asleep or going to sleep earlier", but then by day two it's "I'm waking up after less time" in a way that prevents sleeping in. So it kind of forces you to return to proper sleep schedule even if you're a neet, at least temporarily.
And even if you've done it a lot, you DO feel hunger those first few days so the standard depresso thoughts are instead "man I kind of want food" thoughts. Expected, sure, but still provides a brief respite. Then you start focusing on the thoughts of hunger and it's kind of a "I decided I don't want to eat, so these thoughts of hunger aren't 'mine', but rather the body's." and forces a kind of mental split on what's "you" vs. what's not "you". When done during depressive episodes that also tends to engulf other things such as "how much of me is really the depression here". It's really hard to explain.

Lastly, super cold showers are pretty nice to force a reset for depresso thoughts.
It also has a bunch of health benefits I won't bother making another wall of text for, but if interested look up Wim Hof.

You should try playing more games in general, Ame! It can pass the time while you wait for more Mr Guy time. You have the neetbux to buy new ones, too!

>>82424153
>string along a powerful enough hypertube cannon and you can
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t2X3wlvoShg&list=PLrBjj4brdIRwRkGTLKqH5hlS_mlMYn_J0&index=4
18 minutes in, kek

>>82424220
fucking kek'd, das it mane
exactly what i was talking about, i used hypertube cannons in all my playthroughs so far cause fuck catching trains to go here and there or trying to stick to flying drones (which never really works)

>>82423931
nah, his pants were way cooler than shaggys

>>82423942
yeah that sounds a lot more correct and better than what i said...

thats so boring, of all the nice things you could do in a pretty game like that. should add a little more interesting things and colour just because.
so many people have been talking about silksong, its kinda cool that a little indie game from my country got so popular

i dont think any amount of reassurance will make me feel better about it, but maybe

>>82424067
its hard to remember sometimes that it isnt an inseparable part of me and that i could fix it if i tried. ive been depressed/suicidal far too long

ive tried fasting but id try it again, fasting makes me depressed cause of how hungry i get when i do it. like it hurts for the first few days, its so hard to do

i have a pet cat and i love her but its never stopped me from feeling this way, i cant have small animals like rats because of her tho. gardening helped a little tho but im not allowed to have a garden at this shitty rental property

ill try this, thank you again

>>82424073
plenty of men would, not everyone is desperate enough to do something like that. i mean, he seems to like me so he might say actually yes but idk

>>82424214
im waiting til november so i can get a ps5 or a ps2 so i can play more new games, nothing currently interests me much. i wanna play the new silent hill and new atomic heart and the metro vr game so bad... just holding out so i can get it cheaper

>>82424330
>PS5
Does that thing have games yet? Not even trying to meme... I'm a PC nerd so I feel like every console has nothing in comparison.
The controller seems so cool though, with that force feedback trigger... I wonder how many games actually use it...

>>82424330
>more correct and better
there's no "right answer" when it comes to that, it's all up to what you think
if you think being real friends is about interacting as you said, then that's valid, despite me or anyone else disagreeing
so don't let my notions override yours, it's a highly personal matter and only you have the answer for it, so you should give it some thought as you said

>of all the nice things you could do in a pretty game like that.
true, i guess i also build roads (kind of) and train lines, but i take advantage of how the game is like minecrap in the gravity sense (aka you can build giant float platforms high up in the sky for instance) and just build what i call "skyroads" and "skyrails", lol
my creativity is really limited in that sense, but if yours is better then feel free to give it a try
if you ever feel like having me around you can let me know, i'm not half bad at automating stuff but building things is where i struggle
i'm considering doing city blocks in this playthrough, similar to what i do in factorio...

>i dont think any amount of reassurance will make me feel better about it
that's not really the point
reassurance will go a long way in shielding you from what others think, it's not going to make it much better if you whip yourself but if you don't, it'll stop others from screwing with you in that way

>>82424405
it has a lotta games, tho not many exclusives. and not much i actually care about besides those listed and a few others

lots of games use things like the rumble, where the controller vibrates in response to things. its pretty nice but i have to turn it off for some games. idk about other features tho

>>82424431
i let my opinions be changed too easily lmao.
but i do still agree with you because honestly talking isnt enough to differentiate a friend from an acquaintance. and having emotional moments does differentiate those two. idk. yeah ill keep thinking about it

build roads, kind of? are you not finishing them??
if the game is on console and has some sorta crossplay functionality then yeah, that maybe could be fun.
you should do something different this playthrough, its always nice to change things up

ah ok, i understand now

Look at how easily you get attention from this thread. Though you're unlikely to find "the perfect man" on r9k, it's clear you have a shitload of options whether or not you have 3 discord contacts. You could easily have sex if that's what you wanted instead of being an overly dramatic retard. You are posting this thread on a board full of lonely men who actually cannot get companionship of any kind and just by doing this, you can get companionship. You are pathetic also get off my board REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>82424595
ive most likely been on this board longer than you have

also i literally do not care about sex. thats the point. i want 1 person to share my life with, one person to cuddle and kiss and have forever. i could live without sex entirely if i had someone perfect in every other way.
plus i met the guy i like off this board and id say hes pretty much perfect

>>82424547
>i let my opinions be changed too easily
that's very dangerous, anon
makes me want to tell you to be cautious of your company choices but you're a fucking loner like me as well so for better or worse, you're ok
if that changes though, be careful who you surround yourself with

>are you not finishing them??
one doesn't exactly "finish" roads when it comes to that game, we expand them far too often lol
unless we decide to use trains instead (which is the correct choice and what i often do), then it'll almost always be better to leave a road polished up to a certain point only, so you don't have a lot to dismantle/change when you expand
>on console and has some sorta crossplay functionality
i believe it does, but i'm pretty sure a game like that won't be very comfortable to play on a controller... but you can try anyway

ame poster im gonna throw up tell me im gonna be ok

>>82424620
>I'm under 25
>I browsed 4chan longer than you
>at age >10
Yeah okay. Also if that's true, you must be completely brain damaged from having r9k be a lifelong formative influence on you since you've been browsing since before you were 10 years old

What are your thoughts on KAngel? Which traits of Ame-chan would you like to adopt and which ones would you not?

>>82424330
Yes he obviously would say yes which is why I despise you and hope you die because that person could never be me. Fuck you.

>>82424620
NTA but if you've only been here 9 years that's nothing to brag about.
Also what's the point of this thread if you already have a guy that's "perfect" in your words?

>>82424620
>plus i met the guy i like off this board and id say hes pretty much perfect
yeah
i fucking hate you and i hope your skank ass cheats on him and he kills himself and leaves you with guilt eating you away.

>>82424634
im aware, ive had this taken advantage of before. and yet i still let it happen anyway...
trying to be better about it but when youre lonely its hard to care

interesting, is it infinite then?
i had a look at it and its on the ps5 and not the ps4, because of course. just 2 more months.
when youre used to controllers its fine, i doubt itll be much issue

>>82424684
i literally am irreparably brain damaged from this stupid board. i almost trooned as a teen because 4chan made me think being a woman was some grave sin, but eventually i realised everyone has the capability of being bad and everyone is scary. and my fear of men somewhat came from this board as well. among other issues

>>82424664
itll be ok, anon. whats wrong?

>>82424722
i would rather not have any ame-chan traits and be more normal...
k-angel is just an extension of ame and i love ame so i love k-angel too

>>82424729
maybe if you were nicer to people, you could have that, too

>>82424730
it is nothing to brag about, its actually pathetic of me.
idk i just don't think anything will ever work out for me and im constantly scared of being hurt so thats the point. ig

>>82424739
wouldnt you wish for the other way around? that he cheats on me so i kill myself?

not like itd be cheating anyways if he did talk to other women, we're not together

>>82424779
>idk i just don't think anything will ever work out for me and im constantly scared of being hurt so thats the point. ig
Maybe spend less time here and more time asking that guy to date you?

>>82424800
during the day when hes asleep or busy or doesnt feel like replying i cant help but come here, idk

i thought about asking to have my isp block 4chan

>>82424859
Get a second boyfriend so you always have one to talk to

>>82424742
>and yet i still let it happen anyway...
sigh. people like that poke at that tendency of mine to protect others from harm, but there are several reasons why i shouldn't (and won't) do it
>when youre lonely its hard to care
when it happens to me i always think how much worse i'd feel when taken advantage of, it does a number on my head

>is it infinite then?
the map is ginormous, but finite
it's all about the design layout you're going for, which resources you're bringing, etc.
>when youre used to controllers its fine, i doubt itll be much issue
if you say so
i've always been more of a pc guy, controllers feel clunky to me except in a few games

>>82424910
its nice you feel like that towards others, but sometimes trying to protect someone isnt worth the hassle.
it does feel pretty awful...

very interesting, with the fact you cant really finish roads i thought itd be infinite.
lmao thats how i feel about pc, its clunky. hate having to use a keyboard

>>82424742
>itll be ok, anon. whats wrong?
i dont know if you remember but i vented to you about having a whore egf or whatever
i still miss her, im sad because i feel like sharing stuff ive been doing recently eith her, or want to know what shes doing

>>82424997
>sometimes trying to protect someone isnt worth the hassle.
more like it takes the merit from them and robs them of their growth
i used to be the kind to go out of my way to attack those who threatened the people i wanted to protect, but nowadays i'm more of the somewhat passive advisor type (somewhat because i may advise but if it's serious enough, i'll pester the shit out of the person about it if they don't follow what i say)
to me it's always worth the hassle, protecting someone that is, the problem is that you're usually doing the person more harm than good by doing that
i'll still step in when things get too dire though
>it does feel pretty awful...
yeah, i focus on that feeling and keep hammering it in my head over and over until i make the hard choice

>you cant really finish roads i thought itd be infinite.
i mean it's possible, and one can do it very easily, i just don't find it to be the best practice
i've considered finishing them once switching to trains but then again, trains would put roads out of commission so why bother?

>hate having to use a keyboard
but you gotta admit aiming with a controller is pure suicide fuel
i'd sooner chew on ground glass than aim with a controller, i'm already having enough trouble with silksong pogoing as is

>>82425043
oh yeah, i do remember you a little.
dont go back no matter how much you miss her, i know its difficult to get over. but you'll be ok

>>82425054
ah ok, yeah i can see why thatd be an issue. but some people are incapable of growing and learning for themselves, so sometimes it may be necessary to pester or guide them or protect them

youre just not good at it then, i find it way easier with a controller. its more suicide fuel to try fuck around with mouse and keyboard

>>82424779
>maybe if you were nicer to people, you could have that, too
I was nice most of my life and people did their best to fuck me over. I only got anything I wanted once I started being a piece of shit.
>wouldnt you wish for the other way around? that he cheats on me so i kill myself?
No, I would want you to suffer for the rest of your life.

>>82425122
>some people are incapable of growing and learning for themselves
would you say you're one of them?

>youre just not good at it then
you got me, it's exactly because i'm not good at it that i find it so hellish
i'm very precise with a mouse and keyboard but controllers throw me off good, one example was when i played sanabi some time ago
i did most of the playthrough with a controller but when i went for the hardest difficulty (where everything one shots you), i had no choice but to use kb+m again so i could actually aim

>>82422705 (OP)
Lul that's funny. Id date you if you weren't rich but you wouldn't date me

>>82425169
nah, i wouldnt say that. i feel ive grown and learnt quite a lot, but i dont use my skills on purpose sometimes cause im stupid and willing to overlook things

youd get used to it eventually, it takes a lotta practice. took me years to get good.
sanabi looks so pretty, reminds me of ghostrunner a bit

>>82425212
>i dont use my skills on purpose sometimes cause im stupid and willing to overlook things
well anon, then i'd say you fit the bill partially
you can learn, but growth also means putting your lessons in practice, otherwise you're the same person except a bit better informed
i know, loneliness makes us do very very stupid things, i've been there and i'm still at it frankly enough (as evidenced by me being awake at 3:10 am because i'm in such a horrible state of mind)
but yeah... it doesn't stop me from worrying about you though, i know you'll be fine but still

>took me years to get good.
yeah i imagine, i'll probably have some more practice in if i buy a console in the future
been considering getting some along with a tv, will be especially nice now that i have an apartment all to myself
>reminds me of ghostrunner
aye, cyberpunk themes and all
i really really like pixel art and sanabi really caught me with that
but more so than that is the story of sanabi, that's what really made the game so special to me
as someone who wants to be a father if at all possible, the game spoke to me on a deeper level than it should have
give it a try if you want, or watch some gameplays

>>82422705 (OP)
I'm a fella who was in a similar situation to yours. Please for the love of God, go to him no matter what. I promise you both won't regret it and it fucking kills me that I'll actually never have it. Just be happy lady, if not for you, your folks, or your fella, then for all the guys like me who desperately needed someone like you.

>>82425122
>you'll be ok
thanks

>>82425261
yeah... youre right about that.
you should probably try getting some rest anon, its way too late. i really appreciate the talk tho. i should be fine, just gotta stop being stupid

i definitely recommend it, nothing like playing games on a tv. its worth it.
ill check it out, ill probably watch gameplay unless its on the ps4, which i doubt it is. it looks cool.
also, i hope you get what you want, one day

>>82425278
ill only do it if he wants it, and i mean actually wants it. hes not my boyfriend, so itd be weird

what happened with your situation, anon?

>>82425335
>its way too late
i'm not sure i want to, i should but...
well, to put it in perspective, imagine if your dude started to hate you for any reason, and told you to fuck off with some pretty sharp words
that should give you a bit of insight into how my state of mind currently is, and sleeping on that is not a good call either

>its worth it.
yeah i bet, but that'll have to wait a couple months first
i'm yet to ship some stuff from my old place and buy some more furniture, like a couch
>ill probably watch gameplay
good, i have a link for you as i've been watching a bit of it myself just now
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m7SZQ6EZV7I
>i hope you get what you want, one day
who knows... i can only hope, but i don't expect it in the least
my perspective is to die alone, that's one bad future i haven't been able to course correct from, so far
but who knows.

>>82425439
wouldnt it be worse to sit up all night with sadness and worry, tho? what happened, do you wanna actually talk about it?

good idea, get that stuff first.
shouldnt think so negatively (i say, in a post where i feel the same), you wont die alone as long as you dont give up.
even if these things are hard, im sure youll find someone in the end

>>82425335
>what happened?
I really hope she doesn't see this but she seems gone off the Earth so I'll keep it vague. Everything was great and promising and then something kinda serious happened, which isn't my story to tell. I freaked out because I have NO experience or dial for feelings. Long story short, too clingy for her. Breaks me the fuck up but it's normal.... for me to feel this way. Not for you, good luck.

>>82424330
>gardening helped a little tho but im not allowed to have a garden at this shitty rental property
Hydroponics is pretty neat.
They have things like this where you grow stuff entirely inside without any soil, just water.
https://www.amazon.com/Hydroponics-Growing-System-Indoor-Garden/dp/B0F3XK1965
I don't think it really matter to the electricity bill. But, if you do go this route, a word of caution: until the plants grow that thing is fucking bright, you want to hide it behind something at first or grab a piece of cardboard or something.
There are other brands and this isn't even the one I have so just look around if curious.

>>82425513
>sadness and worry
my troubles don't include worry, except for worrying about you but that's not... dire, i guess the word would be
simply put, i tried reconnecting with an important person after some years and got an emotional punch in the gut as a reply
i'll get over it, but it still feels like i'm bleeding.

>shouldnt think so negatively
well we're pretty much cut from the same cloth as fellow loners, so you of all people should be able to see where i'm coming from
optimistically yeah, i'll find someone, but realistically? likely not
but i hope i can at least adopt a daughter later on... thing is, given how family courts weigh heavily against men, even if i'm a damn role model, i doubt they'll really allow me to adopt anyone, especially as a single parent

>>82424634
>>i let my opinions be changed too easily
>that's very dangerous, anon
>makes me want to tell you to be cautious of your company choices
Wow your right anon, thanks for changing my opinion so easily...
Wait. No, your right I shouldn't be swayed this easily. You're not going to trick me. I'm going to hold fast to my...
Wait. I'm stuck. Help.

>>82425568
kek, nice loop you got yourself into
stick with what makes more sense to you, what'll make you safer out there

>>82425533
if this is recent, do you think somethings just going on and she cant message you about it? in the online sphere people can disappear for days, weeks, months and then return. ig i dont really understand since youre vague. i hope things will be ok for you, tho

>>82425556
i forgot this is a thing, yeah maybe i could do that. im already aware those things are bright as fuck, but thank you for the warning

>>82425566
ah... that really sucks, anon, thatd hurt a lot. i still think you should try get some rest tho, it would probably help

its really unfortunate, they rarely let any single person to adopt afaik.
like i said tho, dont give up, try to be more hopeful and maybe good things will come

>>82425614
>it would probably help
yeah... i don't have much of a choice now, i just hope this awful state of mind doesn't bring me to a bad dreamscape
if i start having nightmares again i might implode...

>they rarely let any single person to adopt afaik.
yeah, though i'm sure i could do a much better job than most single mothers out there
but being a dude and single is like, almost a surefire way of getting denied custody of a kid, especially a girl
>try to be more hopeful
anon, i told you before, i hope for the best and expect the worst
wishful thinking won't get me anywhere, unfortunately

anyway, thanks for talking to me today
spending my night here helped alleviate the pain, at least.
tomorrow will be a long day...
stay safe and hydrated, posture check too

Lots of replies this time, Ame. Maybe you're becoming popular.

>>82425744
1/4 of them were from me.
Sometimes it's good to post walls of text telling robots how to unfuck themselves.
If it wasn't this thread, it would have been another one, -shrug-.

It's really not worth it long term to become a well known poster on the board. Anyone who wants attention will become subsumed by it.

>>82425788
I like to both post as a familiar poster and a fully anonymous poster with a different typing style! Usually when it's fellow recognizable people will I make myself obvious, because I feel like the context of who I am helps me communicate with them! A simple "hope you're okay" usually hits a little harder when it's someone you get along with rather than a total stranger, at least I think. Anything else, I'll go anon mode as to not derail threads and whatnot.
This isn't to say I'm not still an attention whore, unfortunately. I've always liked it. I dunno how to get over it, even at my age.

Do you hope the guy you like reads this thread?

>>82425646
hopefully it doesnt. is it typical for you to have nightmares if you go to sleep upset?

i always find it really funny that they wont let most people adopt a kid but anyone can have one even if they have terrible circumstances. not that the kid should be taken away, but idk, single people should be allowed to adopt at least

are you really hoping for the best if you always expect the worst, tho? idk

thank you as well, i really enjoyed the little conversation we had. im glad it alleviated some of your pain. hopefully you can get some sleep with no nightmares.
thank you again.

>>82425744
i hope not... if i get "popular" ill disappear again. i like being a recognisable poster but that scares me

>>82426003
nah, id rather he not. and if he did see it id hope he'd never mention it.
hes probably already seen the threads tho...

>>82426076
>hes probably already seen the threads tho...
It's already over.

>>82426076
Do what you have to do Ame! Though I do like your threads, I really want to hear what happens with Mr Guy!

>>82426304
ill probably just update if theres any developments then, instead of making threads super often like i do

>>82422871
>ive been here since 2016, when i discovered this board i was 11 years old. ive been lurking here up until 16 and thats when i started actually using the board. its been a part of my life for so long, and no matter what i cant leave
>i would like somewhere else but nothing really feels the same
Kind of funny how this is almost always true

Elaborate on this though. What exactly doesn't feel the same about other places?

>>82426351
I hope I don't miss them! I gotta be there for the happy ending!

>>82426369
other imageboards have similarities, like altchans can kinda feel the same, but most are dead as fuck. or theyre too extreme. or theyre echochambers. r9k has such a variety of people and opinions. its so active. theres genuinely no place like r9k

>>82426417
or the unhappy one. we will see. youre really active so you likely won't miss them

>>82426441
Yeah that's true. What an interesting perspective. It is nice to have something truly novel in life

Posting Ame in an Ame thread.

>>82426556
is that genderbent ame? i prefer her with human p-chan, but its still cute

>>82426564
Nope, the artist's original character.
I don't like p-chan. He's a weak cuck.

you're so fucking privileged, if I was in your place I'd buy a plot of land (there are very cheap parcels in my country that are used for gardening/leisure for city folk) and I'd have a huge garden and spend my days there or cycling/walking in the forest or even buy a computer and play video games
instead I can't afford a dentist nor winter shoes until I find a job that will sap ALL my time and energy and force me to take mind-altering drugs from my shrink to be able to cope with the abuse of my mind and body that is the daily reality of wagie life.
Do you realize how lucky you are that you can worry about love and relationships?
Also i think i saw your thread that you deleted, it was something about having to lose weight?

Don't think that i hate you or want to see your downfall, I just wish I was in as good a position in life as you

>>82426590
whos the artist? i think p-chan is cute, but tbf he is a weak cuck

when i played i was so nice to ame-chan and got 2 cuck endings and 2 suicide endings...

>>82426598
another anon mentioned not being able to afford winter shoes, are you that same anon?

i wish everyone could be in a better position in their lives, its really awful that youre in this position in the first place... im sorry anon

>>82426448
>youre really active
Ah... I really am... I need to stop! But I'm so bored! And hitting refresh is too addicting... I went from a 5 year hiatus to browsing every day nonstop so long as I'm awake, it's terrible!

>>82426645
@angelverace

Did you complete all the endings? How did you feel driving Ame into agony and self-destruction?
What are your favorite endings?

>>82426710
a 5 year break? thats so long, i wish i could do that. it is super addicting, i hate it! but at least its something to do

>>82426716
i didnt complete all the endings cause i felt awful driving her to do bad things. i always tried to treat her best, so i only saw 4 endings

>>82426745
I had to fact check myself... 3 years. Turns out 2022 and 2020 are in fact not interchangeable numbers...
It's weird to think that I've posted on /r9k/ for 10 years now...
Ame when you get your man you're gonna run away from here and never look back, okay?

>>82426765
3 years is still such a long time... whyd you come back? what made you come back?
i wish i could but he still uses r9k, so ill never escape it. i wish tho

>>82426745
I had the same mindset of not wanting to do bad stuff to characters I like just to get different endings. I've gotten over it a bit, but not completely. One of the bright sides is that you get to know the character more deeply.
It's cool that you still have so much of Ame-chan and KAngel left to discover. Maybe one day you'll have the courage to see what else is out there.

>>82426790
Mostly I think I just reached a breaking point of being a bored NEET, nothing majorly bad. 3 years ago, I was getting a job and doing good, so I left! And just lived life as a normie for a while. Then my bones exploded, I kinda was just dead for a year, but now I'm somewhat more capable thanks to meds, but not quite capable enough to do stuff all day. I'm getting kind of bad again now that the weather is changing to be colder, so I haven't been able to play as much vidya or be as productive around the house. So I think I just have extra free time right now and it's easy to browse and post back and forth between my phone and PC. I really don't know what else to do with myself that spares my hands and back.

imagine making your bf/fp/crush play the gam and you watch and try to obey his decisions irl

>>82426790
Oh I forgot to reply
>but he still uses r9k
It's okay you'll convince him to leave!!! Once you have each other all the time, why would you need this board?!

>>82426823
maybe ill just watch gameplay of all the endings instead of doing them myself, so i dont feel bad about it

>>82426835
>>82426837
do you think youll get to a point of being capable of doing stuff all day again?
im always shocked how cheery you seem despite your bad circumstances

it sucks your condition got you back on this site tho, you were doing so well... maybe when you move with your gf youll be able to stop again

i dont think he'll leave so easily, hes still really new so he doesnt know how terrible this place can be. hes too innocent

>>82426836
how would this even work, this just sounds silly

>>82426910
just imagine being his personal ame gf

>>82426910
It's pretty up in the air, just depends on if they can find the right concoction of medicine to give me. That and external factors like temperature like we've talked about. It's possible! But I don't know how likely, and I have to plan for the worst, because if I don't I'll have no options at all when the worst comes to bite me in the butt.
Would you believe that this physical pain and immobility feels like nothing compared to the psychotic explosions I've had in the past thanks to my bipolar? Mental health is the real threat. Once I overcame that, everything else started to feel like a piece of cake. I was never quite as low as many of the people here on this board, I've always been more peppy at least, but boy I still had some dark thoughts...
I've developed a soft spot for the kinds of people here, I often wish I could give them some of my positivity and help save them from some of the deep, deep pits of despair many of them are in. It makes me feel like a savior complex jerk sometimes but I still like to try and be nice to hopefully do something for someone, somewhere.

Maybe he'll see something really gross and terrible and it'll scare him away! (Don't get any ideas!)

>>82422705 (OP)
you're so real femanon, my heart goes out to you

>>82426956
i really hope for you that they find the right mix, so you can do a little more at least. and when you move somewhere warmer, hopefully that helps a lot more. but yeah with your condition its best to plan for the worst... but its good to have hope

oh bipolar is really awful, ive seen how bad it can be. its one of the worst mood disorders ever, its terrifying. its good you were able to overcome it

its really sweet you wanna spread positivity to some of the anons on here, your positivity does help me not to spiral much when i make these threads, so its working! im really prone to spiralling, cause im alone with my thoughts so much, and then sometimes the replies i get sow seeds of doubt in my mind, and i lose all focus...

i dont think thatd scare him off, unfortunately. and the effort thatd take would be too much for me

>>82427018
thank you anon :)