Is there no redemption for me?
Back when i was a child before puberty i occasionally bullied 2 other kids. I would call them fags and shit like that and just treat them like shit. I would get called into the teachers office daily because of it and there were even meetings where the guys mother was basically crying to the teachers that their family was crying and couldnt sleep at night. I'd say i was around 10 years old or so at the time. I'd say around the time i hit puberty i realized that what i was doing was wrong. I mean even if they told me every day at the teachers office that it was wrong it just didnt click with me. Then after puberty i started a new school as one does. Then i became the bullied. Now i realize that this is what people call karma. However that was almost a decade ago and i still suffer to this day? I kind of feel like i have repented through repeteaded trials from god. I am sorry for what i did and i have been sorry for years. Am i just doomed to suffer for eternity. I was a evil little shit when i was a kid even to my family but i changed. My whole personality changed. So why is it that i feel like im still being punished for what i did? I AM being punished still for it. Just what am i supposed to do to redeem myself? I used to try years ago to rationalize that i did those things simply because i didnt understand it was bad but it was just a cope because i was a horrible human being. I just dont know how to cope. I was a really evil person when i was a kid and i dont understand why but i regret it. I really do. I've regretted it for over a decade now. When is enough, enough?
