Life Feels "Quiet" After Cultivating My Identity
And I mean that in the 501st kind of way.
I'm a 27 year old guy with Autism and I suffered intensely from a somewhat quasi-identity crisis for the last 5 years when trying to encroach myself with the reality of this website and how it placates its understanding of life and reality onto fellow anons like myself. I internalized the whole thing and went through the process of dehumanizing myself through an arc where I'd to call making myself into a "sensual and reproductive mate."
It's the only thing that's really stuck with me the most out of everything. Especially when having gone through an all-boys Catholic HS of which had doubled down the process. Of which the need to BE and FEEL attractive just got to me because the idea of attractiveness, especially to NDs, is not something that can be as comprehensible as abstract as it is. And we already have enough trouble trying to comprehend abstract thinking as it is.
However, with the irony unfolding itself over incel culture and the fact being that all of this could just be resolved with proper aluminum-free deodorant, volcom socks, and reebok, is it really THAT necessary to think too hard about or overcomplicate it? Like, it just feels weird when you find out that the person you are and what you're trying to be to what you are NOW after having achieved those results doesn't necessarily conflate with society's ideas and expectations on beauty.
When you feel complete, you wouldn't think about these things. But I myself had no one and nothing to start with as my parents were no help so I had to grind myself into powder to get the stuff I want. Does that make me better off just realizing that or only just now when I'm thinking about it?
I'm a 27 year old guy with Autism and I suffered intensely from a somewhat quasi-identity crisis for the last 5 years when trying to encroach myself with the reality of this website and how it placates its understanding of life and reality onto fellow anons like myself. I internalized the whole thing and went through the process of dehumanizing myself through an arc where I'd to call making myself into a "sensual and reproductive mate."
It's the only thing that's really stuck with me the most out of everything. Especially when having gone through an all-boys Catholic HS of which had doubled down the process. Of which the need to BE and FEEL attractive just got to me because the idea of attractiveness, especially to NDs, is not something that can be as comprehensible as abstract as it is. And we already have enough trouble trying to comprehend abstract thinking as it is.
However, with the irony unfolding itself over incel culture and the fact being that all of this could just be resolved with proper aluminum-free deodorant, volcom socks, and reebok, is it really THAT necessary to think too hard about or overcomplicate it? Like, it just feels weird when you find out that the person you are and what you're trying to be to what you are NOW after having achieved those results doesn't necessarily conflate with society's ideas and expectations on beauty.
When you feel complete, you wouldn't think about these things. But I myself had no one and nothing to start with as my parents were no help so I had to grind myself into powder to get the stuff I want. Does that make me better off just realizing that or only just now when I'm thinking about it?
