Thread 82880141

Why do some people grow up to become extremely avoidant? What needs to happen to a kid in their childhood for them to become like this?

>>82880141 (OP)
>needs
>>82880141 (OP)
>avoidant

get off my dick nigga

Be chronically invalidated/ betrayed/ gaslit by your primary caregivers for everything.

Basically you learn that people are untrustworthy by nature and even if they appear good they will eventually fuck you over when their own trivial needs become a higher priority than you.

I was an anxious attachment kid that became an avoidant adult. I tried everything to please my parents but at the end of the day they were just miserable self involved narcissists. Eventually I just stopped trying altogether. Now I have zero desire for any kind of human contact. I could quite happily live alone and never see another person again. It's just too stressful.

Dunno. All I know is this sucks and I wish I was dead haha

>>82880141 (OP)
My mom was abusive emotionally, my father physically. When either of them were not abusing me, they were occupied in a shouting match with eachother. By the time I was 9 the divorce couldn't have come sooner enough. Naturally, custody was granted in favor of my homeless crackwhore mother over my father, who had a stable job and apartment. I spent the next few years of my life being sexually abused as she began to prostitute me out to her heroin dealer at age 11. One of her dealers was the one who called CPS. So I've been living with my dad ever since. I'm almost 21 now and terrified of men. I don't go out much, if ever. We were poor growing up so I never stuck aound at one school long enough to make friends.
That would be why I am socially avoidant.

I'm so avoidant that at the last place I worked I used to keep track of the exact time people had lunches and walked in certain areas as to minimise contact

>>82880141 (OP)
Bad life experiences in general. Continually being ostracized and ignored in social settings like school and work, especially when it's occurred repeatedly around different groups of people. You develop the natural mental state that people don't want you around them and you're better off not trying. Then you wonder what's wrong and different about you and it ostracizes you further because normies don't have such thoughts.

>Why do some people grow up to become extremely avoidant?
Life is shit, or dealing with people is shit, so it's usually better to stay home. Unless it's shit there too.
>What needs to happen to a kid in their childhood for them to become like this?
For me, it was just social rejection that eventually turned into isolation. Everyone moved on with their lives, and I was left behind.
I was also under threat from a local gang of brothers from age 18, so my only recourse was to be a hermit, or always have someone with me. Though I eventually got over that after six fucking years, by that time the 2008 cataclysm had happened, and there was no chance for me to leave NEETdom for several more years. Then when I finally got a paid position, it turned out I was too autist to even handle office work. As a result, I doubled down on NEETdom and hermitdom. Almost middle aged now.

>>82880141 (OP)
It's a losing battle of attrition against the entire world any time I step outside of my room. I prefer sitting in here where I'm not a target.

>>82880141 (OP)
countless awful experiences with people. the tl;dr summary of it is:
>raised in an actively divorcing household by adoptive family.
>quickly find place in family as the emotional sponge, pretty much just listening to every vent at a young age even if I didn't understand.
>divorcing household gets worse, arguments start becoming louder and more physical and I got to see alot of it through the years.
>moved halfway across the country to a flyover state twice. came back the first time and the family had to financially start over.
>the second time was later in my life, I was tricked and manipulated into doing so by a birth parent.
>same birth parent is a conspiracy theory evangelist, forces me to change my religion and to consume Revelations doomsday preacher slop videos for 3 years starting from 13.
>same parent is a master of manipulation who has stress issues.
>me and my sisters received active verbal and emotional abuse throughout those same 3 years.
>had a BPD gf, who's mother verbally, mentally, and physically was abused.
>loved her, but was once again stuck in the position of an emotional sponge, where my feelings felt less important.
>eventually got cheated on by same girl after spending 2 years confiding in personal shit together.
>had to emotionally console her for being a cheater for few weeks out of fear she'd anhero.
>moved back out of flyover country, have to restart all over.
>have to readjust and catch up with adoptive parents, both finally live their own lives now but both contact me.
>immediately start getting hit on and briefly started dating other girl after.
>hit with false allegation after we get caught after the act doing the nasty.
>nobody believes it, but they also find humour in my terror.
>end up finally being able to root my life somewhat in my last years of HS, just to end up falling back into the emotional sponge role but for tens of people
>burnout after doing this for years
missed alot and can continue, but yeah...

>>82880188
I couldn't fit it into >>82880806, but I
think I remember seeing your story before. have things been getting any better for you since?

I wonder how much growing up in a shit/deprived area contributes to avoidant tendencies. I know where I lived you either became a knife wielding antisocial youth or you had no avenue for making friends

>>82880141 (OP)
Public school mostly. Its designed to break people like us.
>loud
>people of different backgrounds and cultures all thrown in
>negligent teachers
>bullying (state approved abuse)
>contradictory and borderline nonsensical information is treated like law, once you graduate 90% of what you learn is outdated.
>literally drugged into compliance if you act out.
It really is comparable to prison if youre different. Straight torture.

>>82880141 (OP)
I would think it has to do with low self esteem. Then you add constant demoralization, various forms of abuse, exclusion, etc into the mix, then your chance of success in life drastically goes down.

>>82881007
The thing I resent most about school is the fact that teachers would allow kids to be bullied as long as it didn't cause problems for them. So if the kid being bullied didn't make much of a fuss, they would simply ignore it. But then if he chimped out, both of the kids would get in trouble. There was no justice and no winning move. Stuff like this teaches kids learned helplessness.

It didn't happen to me personally more than once because I recognized the system as unjust and didn't give a shit about getting in trouble after the first time it happened. And now as an adult I hate it even more than I ever did as a kid. I advise any kids who talk to me about bullies to go to the teacher about it one time, and if the teacher doesn't immediately act and actively stop the bullying, then just punch the bully in the face as hard as you can, and repeat that as many times as necessary until they stop fucking with you, regardless of getting into trouble. And then I teach the kid how to throw a strong, stiff punch right in the jaw.

If your authorities don't have your back, there is no reason to listen to any of their rules. That goes for any authority in life. I just unfortunately had to figure this out at a young age.

Have you tried living on planet Earth? 99.999% of people are abjectly retarded and evil, avoidance is the logical outcome of spending a single second in this inhospitable world

>>82880187
hey wanna talk about it ?

Not enough socialization resulting in normalization of being alone, being bullied, and being stalked. I don't go out anymore because at my deli job I got physically hurt so badly that I have permanent brain damage. And at my last job I got stalked.

>>82880141 (OP)
nothing. I had a good upbringing and my siblings were nice to me. I got bullied when I was a child starting age 11 and it completely changed me, I turned into the avoidant retard I am today.

>>82880141 (OP)
Repeated exclusion from society, be it through bullying, parental neglect, abuse or whatnot.
All so that little voice in your head can repeat that everything about you is your fault, regardless if it is or not.

>>82882027
>All so that little voice in your head can repeat that everything about you is your fault, regardless if it is or not.
OR
>Go to therapy
>"It's not your fault"
>"It's still your responsibility to fix everything"
>"Don't let them win!"

>>82880195
When I was at school I would do the same thing, just walk around the building trying to find the places where nobody was

nobody ever liked me when i just acted like myself growing up, i couldn't fake any type of personality other than my own. people either ostracized me or outright said to my face i was weird and ugly and nobody wanted me around. boys and girls. parents were workaholics growing up and just expected tv, the internet, and vidya to raise me. even my own sister has always thought i was a weirdo, my extended family never wanted anything to do with me either they all basically decided i was the odd black sheep of the family very young. so i just became a shut in because i never found my crowd or people or whatever. i've never felt welcomed or amongst likeminded people my entire life. i've always felt like an outcast and probably always will. already 33 and a kissless virgin and i don't expect to ever lose my virginity or have friends.

You find people to be cunts for no reason at all, you lose hope in people being reasonable, expect them to be unreasonable.

>>82882436
do you enjoy your life? Do you have hobbies or other things that brings you pleasure and peace of mind?

>>82882735
>do you enjoy your life?
could be worse i guess. i could be homeless or a third worlder.

>Do you have hobbies or other things that brings you pleasure and peace of mind?
i just consooooooooom media really. i'm a boring person.

I lived in constant fear at home so I just hid, and could sit in one place for 10+ hours just to avoid my family. Gradually this extended to all people, now I can't function as a human, my emotions don't flow properly, I can't express them in a normal way.

All this pressure is too much, this machinery that starts whenever the possibility of interacting with a human is lethal to me.

So basically just stress. I see you all as demons.

>>82880141 (OP)
My school use to do a thing where they matched an 6th grader to a 2nds grader for 15 minutes in the morning. They were supposed to just hang out with us and draw or read or whatever.

I still remember the day for no reason at all this Stacy bitch decided to take out her frustrations on me and bully me and call me names.

>>82880141 (OP)
I'm high IQ and I was just slightly bullied, mainly because the high IQ made it difficult for me to relate to other kids, just like it makes it difficult to relate to most adults now.
But anyway, the bullying made me realise most people are shit and despite having some friends and nice experiences with some people since then, I still believe 85% of people are shit. I never quite understood why someone would be an asshole to someone else for no reason whatsoever and I only regret not being a violent psychopath to those who wronged me like that. But I probably just didn't have it in me back then.
Going through that mild abuse in my formative years means that I grew up into an adult who realises he's better off alone, most of the times. I do cherish the few good people I have found but they are sadly the minority among a pile of shit. But I am grateful that I've adapted and learned to thrive on my own. Whatever desire to socialize or be extroverted I might've had in my early childhood is long gone.

>>82882853
>I never quite understood why someone would be an asshole to someone else for no reason whatsoever
We're pack animals. The people who can mess with people get the women and resources, and protection.

How can you claim to be high IQ without understanding that?

>>82882896
>women
I don't chase women. Most people are shit, so the chances of finding a good woman are extremely low. Low enough that it's not worth bothering myself. Masturbation costs a lot less and doesn't have any of the downsides of being with a woman. Most normies I know are unhappy with their women.
>resources
I work in STEM. I have a good wage and no problem with obtaining resources. In fact, I'm probably gonna afford early retirement.
>protection
I'm not well-known and have no need for that. I live in a safe country with strong gun laws and low crime. And I grew up to be 6'2'' so nobody really tries to fuck with me.

>>82880152
spbp. i'm not telling you shit.

>>82880141 (OP)
>abusive mother.
never have kids with bpd bitches, they are terrible mothers.

>>82880141 (OP)
i'm quite avoidant, diagnosed with complex trauma disorder and some other things
and to put it simply, i grew up in an abusive household
if you want more detail
>dad lived alone in a flat suffering from multiple chronic illnesses
>mum was a narcissist with OCD who i would stay with the majority of the time
>she would seek attention from anyone she could get it from
>filled the house with a rotating door of alcoholics and drug addicts
>they'd constantly berate and insult me every time i passed through the kitchen to use the bathroom
>some would hit me with bottles or whatever else was in reach
>started sneaking out the front door and going around to the back door to get to the bathroom
>one saw me passing the kitchen window and locked me out the house in the rain leaving me banging on the door crying while he laughed
>would feel panic whenever i heard them raising their voices, even if they were just laughing
>began to fear even leaving my room
>struggled to make friends at school and became a victim of bullying as i became more isolated due to my growing anxiety
>eventually my father became so ill he came to live with us
>got a break from the cast of abusive bastards she's usually fill the house with
>but soon enough she started to neglect my dad while catering to the drunkards in the kitchen downstairs
>he got sicker and sicker until he was hospitalised and died
>go on bereavement leave for a few weeks and return to school
>go from being a quiet shy kid who barely talks to anyone to having everyone in the school approach me and bring up my dead father
>makes me feel like shit and want to avoid interacting with people even more
this was all while i was in the single digits of age, and is no where near a comprehensive breakdown of the shit i went through
to put it simply, it just takes negative reinforcement
if you're continuously exposed to negative experiences with people, you're going to start to want to avoid them out of a desire to protect yourself