Thread 82891088

I wonder how it's like to remember most of your childhood.

same, i spontaneously came into consciousness at around 12, everything that happened before that may as well never have

>>82891154
Me too
Maybe you were getting raped

>>82891177
good thing i dont remember then

>>82891088 (OP)
If I remember all of my childhood memories right now, I would just kill myself, knowing there is no way to go back to the good old days

>>82891088 (OP)
I remember all the times my older brothers tortured me and gave me trauma

>>82891199
I do not miss those days, fuck being a kid, no autonomy, parents have to take you everywhere, forced to go to school where your peers can bully you consequence-free because no one gave a shit... maybe there's something else if i was more nitpicky.
fuck being a kid, I'm happy I'll never go back to that.

>>82891088 (OP)
must be nice if you had a good one but not so nice if you had a bad one
overall i prefer to not remember things that might make me feel bad

>>82891088 (OP)
>>82891154
I remember some stuff from 3 and a lot from 5 just before 6 onward. It's nothing noteworthy. I just recall doing silly kid shit like reading comics, watching cartoons, making my mom mad etc.

>>82891088 (OP)
Remembering being a child sucks because you realize that what the adults who said "you'll understand when you're older" meant was you'll realize that you were right all along and that most people are stupid pieces of shit.

>>82891088 (OP)
I remember since I was 5 and it feels like the memory of a different person altogether. I don't feel very human anymore so the stuff I did as a kid feels very dissociated from me.
I cared too much about things that would end up tearing me apart, and that drove me insane, and that's where the massive gap between me and that kid shows up. It's the sort of childhood that makes school shooters, and at some point "I" showed up when they couldn't reconcile the murderous hate and my helpless morality.
It feels a lot like being the mastermind over a copy of a person that cannot exist as you are now, you know how they tick, how they feel, but they cannot logically exist anymore. They are a memory. Even if I try to use that blazing hatred for humanity, it flickers out because I just don't have the fuel for it. Everything humans do can be rationalized into self-harm, and how can I be upset watching my enemy hurt itself as I have?

>>82891088 (OP)
i wonder what causes a person not to remember things from their childhood. i also remember practically nothing from before ~8th grade for some reason. sometimes i will have some memory flicker before my eyes like a piece of film but its always in the 3rd person and i feel no emotional connection to the events. i just see a child me in the 3rd person doing something. is this how other people process memories too? i have a razer sharp memory for things but never in a *direct* way, as if i was actually there

>>82891581
(you) perfectly described it, if I do try to recall certain things I'll remember sitting in class and not paying attention, remember watching cartoons, remember getting yelled at by my mom, but it very well could've been a backstory that was written for me rather than something that actually happened.

>>82891508
same, i feel like i lack continuity
i changed a lot between age 18-21, but from severe depression/bipolar starting
i miss that kid who fished every day after school, who was optimistic and had friends, he was happy. i am happy he got to live, even if he became me.

>all these people who have no memories before they were bordering on or already into puberty
What the fuck? Were you some kind of philosophical zombie for several years at home and in school?

>>82891625
I remember a lot of things from before then, but most of it is fuzzier than I'd like
I think it's the abuse and/or various brainfuckery

>>82891625
>in todays episode, anon discovers race realism is about more than basketball
Next look into babies stimulus reactions haha

>>82891701
Tell me more about the long term memory master race I'm part of. What's my haplogroup and phenotype?

>>82891088 (OP)
sometimes i wonder if my depression has lead to memory loss