Thread 82954587

Who here was abused?
>what happened
>how did it affect you
>have you made progress getting over it
Or just complain about it in general

>>82954587 (OP)
>what happened
My stepfather beat me daily (I had wounds on my head and he strangled me until I passed out), forbade me from going out and socializing, and I had to scratch his head while he watched his movie.

>how did it affect you
I have obviously developed various disorders, one of which is avoidant personality disorder, very low self-esteem, and emotional coldness.

>have you made progress getting over it
No, it still affects my life today, and I have an immeasurable hatred for women because if my whore of a mother had cared about her children's health, I wouldn't have had to go through that. Literally, the majority of women I've met are evil, and only one was the exception because she had masculine personality traits and was tomboyish.

>>82954735
>I had to scratch his head while he watched his movie
That's all terrible but what the hell is this?

>>82954748
I was his servant, giving him a kind of head massage while he enjoyed his crappy entertainment.

>>82954805
That's one of the most deranged things I've heard in a while. What a creep.

>only 1 robot was abused
r9k has changed

Well yknow my parents both beat the shit out of me daily and used to not care that much for my health and that along other things made me a worrywart faggot and these days I'm not sure of whether I should love them at all or rightfully hate them as, they were my parents and stuff, the case being especially strange with my dad since I remember him being especially cold towards me, and so was my mother but well It's a weird thing like it's hella weird.

>>82955153
There you go anon

>>82955469
Are they nicer to you now? Choosing to love them or not is really personal. I don't think there's anything wrong with cutting them out of your life if that makes you feel better, but if they're trying to make amends, or at least are acting better, then it can be nice to have parents sometimes.

>>82954587 (OP)
My mother used to provocate fights with me for a decade or so, I used to call it the 10 years trenches.
She used to come home from work, I suppose tired and frustrated and knock at my door 10 times a day not leaving me alone until a fight broke out.
We used to beat each other destroy the house spit on each other scream etc. Constantly every day for almost a decade altho the physical shit didn't happen every day.
I remember a couple of my friends of my mother telling me under 4 eyes that they are sad for me that she is my mom and how difficult for me it must be to live with her.
But I don't think it had much an effect on me, because I don't believe in trauma.
What bad a bigger effect on me was that she send me to the psychiatrist and put me on ssri for 8 consecutive years after.
And my chronic fatigue, depression, ocd and anxiety that got worse with the years, which I don't think are attributed to my mothers behavior as some other family members have similar issues.

Maybe but this would only be a far fetched speculation is that this made me kinda scared of women.
I always get a feeling of doom and terror if I start to like a girl and get close to her, wanting to escape the situation quickly after.
But maybe this I normal to some degree.....

What changed is our relationship, I live at hers again and I've learned to supress my feelings and not be reactive anymore. My mom has improved also and has become calmer and more accepting and understanding of my shortcomings in life.
It's been okay nowdays without almost any fights besides some mild occasional ones here and there.

>>82955489
>Are they nicer to you now?
Kinda and it's what it makes me question. as I grew older they were just like kinda uncaring but not cruel in a way which was nice and I never mind it much, my mother started being very kind to me while she was dying of cancer, that kinda changed all of the relationships with my parents and relatives in general, she died and I've wonder since, as idk how to really see her as a figure in my life exactly, during that period my dad showed interest in me I guess but like, doesn't really felt genuine and like, at that point and at this point idk it's something that can really be reciprocated. It's very weird and stuff

>>82955637
That sounds really exhausting. I don't know how you managed to live with her again, even if she changed I don't think I could that. I can see how it might have made you afraid of women tho.
>>82955671
I think people are complex enough that they can't really be described as just being one thing. They can be bad parents who changed a little, or people who weren't very loving but had their moments. It is weird and confusing and it's hard to figure out what to do in that moment, but it sounds like your father is trying to be different even if it's not very genuine.

>>82954587 (OP)
Parents used to violently beat me up almost daily,mom was the worst, she would asphyxiate me till I passed out and then ridicule me to everyone she knew and blame everything on me as if she's was the victim.
They also didn't allow for any socialization and when the inevitable happened (me becoming a shut in with no social skills) they tried to paint me as problematic and autistic/delusional so they can give me unnecessary medications and make me feel like a retard.

Worst part is that even now years later they try to act as if these things never happened and as if everybody forgot about them.

>>82954587 (OP)
Yeah I was abused by my subhuman mother physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. It made me wanna kms for years, gave me extreme guilt, hate myself, made me depressed, anxious, ruined any chance of me having a social life, etc. I'm getting better but I still hate that thing for doing that to me.

>>82957005
Mothers are the worst man. What's helped you with getting better?

>>82957358
Mainly by distracting myself by playing vidya and getting a job.

>>82957360
I do hear that jobs are a good way of distracting yourself from mental problems. Do you ever try making friends? I used to do that a lot to mixed success but I mostly keep to myself now.

>>82957382
I'm too much of a sperg to make friends. At best I'm kept around out of pity and at worst I'm ignored. The loneliness gets to me at times but I try to power through it.

>>82957392
Yeah, being lonely hurts. Just keep filling the time and it's easier I guess. Hard to be miserable if you're busy constantly.

>>82954587 (OP)
>landlady sexually abused me, mom just left and let it happen
>yeah it fucked me up pretty badly, and worse I ended up with a kid from it
>a little bit overtime sure, still a psychologically crippled person though

>>82954587 (OP)
Been abused my whole life by all sorts of people. Recently, the only "girlfriend" I've ever had was just using me and treating me like shit and now I literally do not care about people or life anymore.

>>82954587 (OP)
>what happened
neglect
>how did it affect you
idk man
>have you made progress getting over it
idk man, my life still sucks and despite my efforts i haven't improved or changed

>>82957749
>worse I ended up with a kid from it
How old were you? Are you being a father now or did you give it up?

>>82958203
How old at which point? I became a dad at 12 if that's what you mean. She left me with the kid so I'm still a dad. Though I love my kid but it's all part of my life getting fucked up.

>>82958229
Damn, that's fucked. Great that you love the kid but holy shit. How does that even work legally, she can't just leave the kid with you like that. Did you not get the law involved or was it not an option for some reason?

>>82958235
When my mom left, she basically left me in the care of our landlady so she became responsible for me. After she had the kid she left her with me though she still checked in on us as often as she needed to. I wasn't able to go to the police myself, and a neighbor who later became responsible for me was intimidated by our landlady to do the same.

>>82958249
Thats kind of cool though by the time you are 30 your daughteru will be 18 and you will already have successfully raised a child to adulthood

>>82954587 (OP)
>what happened
Various beatings, some included being sodomized with a dowel, strangled, dragged by the hair, sleep deprivation, waterboarding, thrown down stairs, etc.
>how did it affect you
Wet the bed until I was 22, tactile hallucinations during periods of stress until my late 20s, intense fear/hatred of all people.
>have you made progress getting over it
I am mostly fully over it and only think about it when things like this bring it up. Not sure if it was anything I did or just age. I did see a therapist about it from 24-27. The only lingering effect is that I cannot stand people knowing my address and disconnect the buzzer in apartments because I cannot stand unanticipated buzzers/ringers/knocking.

>>82955153
I just don't want to talk about what they did to me. I will say though, they did pretty much everything EXCEPT anything that could be considered even remotely sexual. Only hitting and screaming and going a few days without food because I said something they disagreed with. My only goal in life is to move away as far from anyone as possible and live out the rest of my life in total isolation.

>>82954587 (OP)
>what happened
My mom would yell and curse at me, insult and hit me then she would cry and comfort me.
>how did you affect you
I think I'm unable to love. I have trouble controlling my emotions but they are usually very dull. I am rather uncaring about things in general.
>how have you made progress getting over it
I don't think I have.

>>82954587 (OP)
>what happened
mother was abusive to my father. after he left, she took it out on me. started verbal, then whipping me with a belt, finally kicking me in the balls repeatedly
>how did it affect you
damaged balls that can't produce cum
>have you made progress getting over it
I hate women (except my aunt who I went to live with)

>>82954587 (OP)
>what happened
Emotional abuse as a very small child, I had been convinced I was going to be put up for adoption- something she would talk about openly in front of me. Which became physical abuse later as my mother resented me and my brother. She was a party girl at heart and didn't hesitate to get physical with a couple of toddlers like the grown adults she'd get into scraps with at concerts and bars. Almost got caught when we'd show up places with scratched up faces.
>how did it affect you
Stockholm syndrome and major abandonment issues that got worse when she eventually picked up a crack habit and disappeared into rehab leaving me and my brother to our paternal grandparents. Getting stuck in one grade school was the cherry on top and I ended up with no positive experience with the opposite sex until high school. I have had gf's but it's numbered in the one every seven ish years and a panic disorder that had me housebound until I turned 32.
>have you made progress getting over it
Yeah, I can kind of rationalize away a portion of my anxiety and depression as parts of that experience imposing itself on unrelated situations today. I know for a fact a major portion of my depressed thoughts stem from abandonment problems and I can kinda overcome the negative thoughts as irrational nonsense that exists entirely in my own head, it's hard though, people are a lot less social than before the coof and before 2015 so it's hard to shake the feeling there's something wrong with me instead of everyone being broke as shit and anxious around other people themselves. Feels like rejection when I know it's just simple anxiety.