>>82975215 (OP)
yesterday i came across a conversation i had with this girl i used to go to high school with (we graduated 4 years ago, shes blue im red). she might have been the only girl to show any real care towards me back during high school and she would still talk to me sometimes years later even when i was telling her all this depressing shit about how my life's gone downhill since graduating. i wonder how shed feel if she saw the current state of things, how im still rotting away and completely isolated and using like 4 different drugs to cope with it all. these past two days ive been thinking about it heavily and part of me wants to reach out to her but i feel like id disappoint her and dont want to burden her with all that since shes suffered a lot already and she deserves some peace. anyway thsi thread has been a vessel for me to vent about this since there are some parallels between her and misaki. maybe i need to think about this more, im not just letting myself down but im letting down the people around me. maybe thats why ive isolated myself so much, so that spare everyone else from feeling bad for me. fuck i dont know. i wish i was better for people. i wish i was a better friend. i wish i was a better son. i wish i was a better grandson. i want to pull this shit together for all of them, i just hate how little willpower or motivation i have for myself. other people have always been my source or motivation and direction and without them im stagnant.
