Thread 82994786

Fembots are required to post their most embarrassing moments in this thread

>>82994786 (OP)
so you can FAP to my misery?? no thanks

>>82994786 (OP)
i want to hug and headpat the people who have been bullied in the past, guys and girls alike
well, headpats for girls, shoulder pats for guys, i don't think a lot of guys are into headpats... but still

i appreciate all of you and hope you're able to be happy despite it
i wish i could help you out... so i pray you stay safe and take care of yourselves, ok?

>>82994786 (OP)
not a fembot but this pic reminded me of something that happened in eighth grade. I was going up the stairs and got to the top and 2 girls in my grade came running up to me, only the 3 of us.

>outgoing girl: GUESS WHAT
>me: what??
>Anna and me switched bras!!
>me: waa...uh ok??
>isn't that hot?
>me: uhh kind of I guess...you guys have the same bra size??
>they giggle and run away

felt like it was some sort of female bullying afterwards also I'm a sperg so maybe they were fishing for something else and I was too stupid to see it!

>>82994786 (OP)
yes for liking Kpop they would throw paper balls at me with Kpop written inside it Was very disheartening

>>82995059
that really doesn't seem too bad

>some guys, 1 i was "friends" with, in class once said an snimal was more fuckable than me
>female friends stole and went through my phone
>theyd tell me to go to the front of the class to throw shit at me
>if i bought alcohol they wouldnt let me drink it but would drink it in front of me
>had to bribe people with weed, cigs, and food to get them to hang out with me
>wasnt allowed to sit on furniture at their houses as if i was dirty and diseased
i shouldve killed myself

>>82995245
Why did you keep hanging around them? I would have just stayed alone.

>>82995245
lmao where the fuck did you live?

>>82995269
they wouldve never left me alone. i tried. it was a tiny school for troubled kids and the teachers gave no shits

>>82995274
aus

>>82995335
>they wouldve never left me alone
How did all that bullying affect you are you normal? Normal for a robot I mean.

>>82995335
wait you're not an abo are you

>>82995346
>are you normal
nope
im a friendless, khhv, neet shut-in whos kinda scared to go outside

>>82995353
im white anon

>>82995373
>nope
RIP. Bullying sucks. How long you been neet for?

>>82995382
ive been a neet for 4 years now. i dropped out of school at 16 and been neeting since

>>82995472
Planning on neeting forever or what?

>>82994786 (OP)
Yeah, all the way. Culminated with Stacey and her friends smashing my teeth out with a golf club before graduation

>>82995373
Are you in Adelaide, if so let me dick you down bullied fembot

>>82995493
Post dentures

>>82995493
find this hard to believe

>>82995477
yep, im on disability so i can basically neet forever

>>82995503
anon, youre beyond disgusting, i think you should die

>>82995493
>popular stacy smashing in femcel teeth with golfclub

I would masturbate to this

>>82995028
>felt like it was some sort of female bullying afterwards
how is that bullying? switching bras? they were probably just horny

>>82995555
>Bullied NEET fembot turning down a nice guy

What's new!!

>>82994809
>so you can FAP to my misery?? no thanks
Yes unless you're fat

>>82995555
>yep
Do you enjoy it? Most people get sick of it pretty fast.

>>82995579
i dont tbdesu. i enjoy having no obligations and not having to work, but i get bored and depressed

too much yapping and not enough posting stories

>>82995612
So why not do other stuff? Are your issues too bad to go back to school or make friends?

>>82995626
>So why not do other stuff?
i dont like going outside alone or with my mum but i also dont want friends, i dont really like having them. also the only things i can think of to go do are stuff i fantasise about doing with my crush so id probably cry and be depressed doing them alone (again)
>go back to school
im too old now and my pride would not let me do it

>>82995658
You're not too old for school, you could probably even do that online though I don't know if that's a thing in aus or not. It might hurt your pride but it could give you more to do and be enjoyable even. I understand not wanting friends though, I don't typically like having them either.

>>82995658
no one is ever too old for going to college. in my classes there have been a bunch of older folk in them. oldest one was a 60something old guy in my physics class.

Good thing i will Never notice it. Back in freshmen i was laughing bc of a drawing i made on a test and girl sitting besides me (forced to sit cause, sitting w gv Is a curse) laughed too. When i explained it to my then close friend months later she Said she mustve been laughing AT me, not with me. Not that it matters much as a memory..

>>82995718
>sitting w gv
what is gv?

>>82995723
Me
Its short for master of time

>>82995733
Is it in a different language or something? gv and master of time don't have letters in common

>>82995747
Gospodar Vremena
Classic yugoslavian heh

>>82995681
idk if online highschool for adults is a thing, maybe it is.
>it could give you more to do and be enjoyable even
if im just doing it at home itd just be a mental burden on me, i think. having to go to online class every day and do work is not very enjoyable lmao

>>82995699
its not college anon, id be going back to highschool

>>82995758
>idk if online highschool for adults is a thing, maybe it is.
Could be, but if it's not something you want then it doesn't matter. I really enjoyed online classes but it's not for everyone.

Is this how they were bullied?

>>82995758
does your country not have community college? im pretty sure you could get into something like that because in the us they generally do accept HS dropouts

>>82995771
i might try it at some point just to say i did it. its probably for the best

>>82995775
no it doesnt, we dont really have college here

>>82995774
why is she just standing there taking it..?

>>82995791
>i might try it at some point just to say i did it. its probably for the best
It feels good to have a diploma. Same with going to college/uni, even if you don't use it.

>>82995791
if your country only has universities you could try getting your countries equivalent of a GED as unis here accept those

>>82995797
It's a theme

>>82995856
huh that'ss kinda weird. I don't think I could just stand there and take it

>>82995373
yeah I could imagine with an upbringing like that.

Older lesbian girl, yeah. Forcibly did stuff to me. She claimed to be looking out for me and keeping me from getting bullied, and maybe she did, but she took advantage of me and I couldn't do anything about it, was too ashamed to even talk about

>>82996059
I mean, you know were gonna ask for greentext now

Users saying sexual stories are just larping, in actuality people just fun of me, laughed about autistic things I did and mocked me

Id be excluded from things and made to seem very weird, as ive grown older Ive seen how even though i was weird, the rude comments altered my maturing

>>82995950
if only we could read minds.

>>82996201
webms like this make me sad. I wish I could save her.

>>82996266
that's how women police cheating whores

>>82996294
You know as well as I do it's the opposite, if anything.

>>82996300
the opposite? so they're slapping her so she BECOMES a whore?

u tarded, boy

>>82996294
i would imagine the girl getting slapped approached the slapper's bf or something and that is why shes getting slapped

>>82995245
>Wasn't allowed to sit on furniture
Jesus fucking Christ how did it even get to this state

>Should've killed myself
Or you could kill them

>high school
>bitchy popular rich girl has a problem with me
>tries to start trouble over it, spreads rumors and is always just being a smarmy little snot
>ignore her at first but start responding to her little insults
>hit a sore spot one day in the halls before lunch, she starts the typical teenage fightbaiting (shoving, trying to goad you into hitting first, all that)
>she's bigger but I'm full of repressed rage and used to taking hits from growing up with an abusive dad so I beat her pretty badly
>both suspended for a week but at least I'm being left alone
The whole thing was over a guy. She liked him and felt she had some claim over him. He and I were in the same friend group and hung out sometimes. If either she or I had been less snarky then it probably never would have escalated.

>>82996323
>how did it even get to this state
it was like that from the beginning. i was never treated as human by these people. idk what i did to them to get that treatment, but when i lost weight and became pretty and alt they started treating me human, so ig it was my appearance

>Or you could kill them
nah

>>82994786 (OP)
I'm a guy, but I caught some classmates talking about how ugly and disgusting I was a few times. Different people too.

Better question is do any fembots want to be bullied?

>become friends with goth robot and his friends
>become group punching bag because slightly sensitive and not into alt stuff they were (I was hardcore into fairy kei during this time but they did not like this because its pink and girly)
>got verbally/physically abused by not one but TWO OF GOTH ROBOTS GFS, he got one of them to jump me purely because he did not like me
>mocked my moms death
>mocked how she died, accused me of lying about most of my trauma/past events because to him "i didnt look sick or cut myself or anything"
>bullied me into a restrictive disorder (thank you for calling me a landwhale over and over again it really helped me when i look in the mirror)
>said I was so ugly i would need a paper bag over my head for people to be able to stand my prescence

i will never ever touch any self professed borderline again not even with a 100 ft pole burn in hell

>>82994786 (OP)
It's not some porn fantasy like a sexy sorority hazing ritual that men imagine. No nudity, no spanking, no forced lesbianism. Bullying between girls is almost never sexual. It's just plain mean.

I was excluded from sleepovers. They didn't invite me, but one girl accidentally let it slip that they had one. My friends also talked-shit behind my back. So I left the friend-group. There was no confrontation or fight. I just stopped showing up to eat with them at lunch. I stopped texting them, and they never texted me to see where I was or what I was up to. After that, the girl who hated me the most, spread disparaging rumors about me to the whole school. All lies. That's what bullying is like for girls.

>>82996294
>>82996312
Mr. Chang is probably cheating on the slapping lady with the bully victim. She isn't cheating on anyone.

>>82996775
uguuuu~
nyormyiormiyormi~

>>82996775
>it really helped me when i look in the mirror
Silver linings! Did it help you lose weight?

>>82996917
it did i went from overweight to underweight, i cant eat normally and havent gone back since i stopped being friends with him. i used to have a binge eating disorder I think

>>82994786 (OP)
When I was at school (~14) sometimes the other students would take my school bag and put it in one of the bins around the school and then I would be late for class looking for it in all the bins. I told people to stop but they didnt and it happened multiple times. This was one of many incidents where I was picked on but was too much of a sperg to even really understand it I thought it was the type of prank everyone went through but it only happened to me and they werent my friends.

>>82996948
Are you very underweight or just a little? Binge eating is really bad at least you kicked it.

>>82996911
gyu......

>>82996956
Also on my birthday one time (~13) a dozen or so students my age made a video mockingly saying happy birthday and saying I smelt bad and was a loser. They sent it to me on my birthday.

>>82996958
im average close to underweight now, i was put into some program at 38kg a year ago it doesnt count anyway i suppose to real anorexics, im still fat spiritually and people can see it all over me, it disgusts me whenever I look in the mirror

>>82996976
nta but i know that feel. even though i have shed a lot of weight since i was a fatty i can still feel the shadow of my own self-image.

>>82996775
People who advertise their mental illness are the worst.
I befriended this guy in hs. He later became depressed and it was all he talked about. He made fun of me every chance he got. He called me ugly and retarded in front of the girl I liked. Constantly picked on me for being short. Then he left me alone for another group of people and completely forgot about me, I was his only friend for years and I has dumped just like that.
Your situation sounds much worse, ofc. But the point is that, people who make their mental illness their main trait, are fucking vermin. They find other people just as toxic as them and feed off each other, becoming worse and worse. They don't care try to get better.
At least, they wear their red flags with pride, so you know to stay away from them.

>>82994786 (OP)
Not a fembot but I can throw in that I was bullied by three girls during middle school. I was a naive and curious boy back then.
>be me
>middle school around 6th grade
>be tall slim nerdy looking
>three girls that sat in class next to me
>was nothing at first
>month goes by and rumor stats about me
>saying im a creep and that i keep looking at them
>I swear im not
>get moved to different side of class
>still saying im making faces and sexual gestures at them
>everyone believes them
>i get into trouble and sent to principals
>explain im not
>he doesnt believe me
>i get a warning
>be angry and confused
>lunch time they decide to corner me
>calling me all sorts of names and poking at me
>im confused and ask why
>they say they see me as weak and should be put down
What can I say? I was raised in a very matriarchal family and I am the only boy in the family. Was always told if a girl picks on you then it means she likes you.
>I figure this isnt bullying but they like me
>I tell them I like them and hope we can figure out a date together
>they look surprised and laugh
>im confused
>they double down and say worse things
>i panic and feel like running
>i find an escape route and run
This is taking too long. My bad. Anyway they played mind games with me letting me on and hitting me and then apologizing and bullying me more until 8th grade. I had to move schools because ma had to switch jobs and location. Years later I married my bully. Not the bully that bullied me but one that stole my heart years later.

>>82996976
I don't think anyone can see that you're fat spiritually. You have body dysmorphia, it's normal for people with EDs. Great that you're average weight though. How tall are you?

>>82996969
Thats genuinely messed up

>>82994786 (OP)
Lololololol, you actually think fembot's go on 4chan? How mistaken you are, you were just reading a bunch of GOON materials made by 30 year old NECKBEARDS. Hey, whatever floats your boat, I guess.
>Be le me
>qt3.14
>FIVE female classmates barge in
>They all start FINGERING me with the school chair
>I bust EVERYWHERE and they all laugh at me
>FML.jpg

Public school.
They would pull out knives on me and threaten to hurt me for no reason.
They also approached me in a group and immobilized me so one guy could burn my eyelashes with a lighter.
Got beaten up a few times too.

>>82997056
>so one guy could burn my eyelashes with a lighter
How did that not damage your eyes?

>>82997064
I closed them. He just put the lighter really close to my face and waved it around. Then started getting close to my eyelashes and slightly burning them. I wasn't set on fire or anything.

>>82997064
I think some people on this thread are making stuff up I think most bullying is psychological these days no matter how bad the school you go to is

>>82997074
Did you develop weird sexual interests from this?

>>82997076
No. Also I'm a man.

>>82997075
Didn't there used to be a disclaimer at the bottom of the site saying only a fool would believe anything posted here? What happened to that?

>>82997044
Im sure some is real (I was honest) but yeah I bet 70% is either very over exaggerated or made up there definitely are women on 4chan though

>>82997081
Men can still develop weird sexual interests

>>82997075
No, that did happen. 3rd world public school. I had to change schools after that.

>>82997006
YES they do feed off of other people an thrive off of cruelty and its crazy to see, like the only reason he got away with half of the stuff he did to me is because everytime id try going "hey can you not" he'd go okay but im borderline and your really triggering me into saying these things" and everybody else in the group would nod along and act as if i was the issue for not wanting to be treated worse than a dog,,,, i think this is why im so biased against borderline people in general ive seen their manipulation tactics in real time

>>82997004
its EVIL i want to be freed from these fatty shackles i want to be confident
>>82997012
im like 5'2, 5'1ish

>>82997105
>im like 5'2, 5'1ish
You were pretty underweight then. Great job recovering from that. Do you ever try complimenting yourself? Try to say a single nice thing about your appearance when you look in the mirror.

>>82997121
i do that but it makes me feel nothing at all, i still feel the same amount of ugliness deep down and I cannot lie my way out of those feelings

>>82997098
It's not just their feeding off their victims. But their peers. They get together with other mentally ill, toxic people and become worse.
This friend, he got worse after being sent to a psych ward, he made met other retards and by the time he was out, he had become way more cruel.
I saw the same thing happen to 2 different, unrelated girls I knew. After meeting shitty people, they started cutting themselves and advertising it, showing off the wounds for attention.

You can't help being mentally ill. But it's these fucking retards who make it their only trait, that just become the worst kind of trash possible.

>>82997086
>there definitely are women on 4chan though
That sounds absurd, why would they be here? How would they even find this place? They usually stick around Tiktok or Instagram, not a le hecking incel neo-nazi forum.

>>82997132
infact when i do this it just reminds me that there is a void inside of me that isnt supposed to be there because i am supposed to feel good from telling myself im not ugly but I just feel nothing at all, it frustrates me sometimes

>>82997105
this might not be applicable to you but i have photos of what i looked like and i compare them to what i am now. it helps me at least. one thing you can say to yourself is that you have actually been able change your weight for the better. knowing that you were what you once were, and now can see yourself having changed being living proof as to the power of your ability to change things can help give yourself a sense of power over your own being, like you have some sort of control and can make choices for yourself

>>82997145
>>82997132
Have you tried having someone else compliment you?

>>82997144
Im a woman on 4chan so there must be at least one i just get bored and dont have tiktok. People think everyone who says they're female is a larper when id bet at least 10% of people on R9K are actually women for real. I dont go on /pol or whatever though

>>82997163
other people do compliment me, i feel nothing, validation makes me feel nothing but dread , i avoid relationships/friendships nowadays for this reason too I think

>>82997171
Have you been in a relationship? You didn't feel like you must have had some attractive physical qualities from that?

>>82997145
Nta
When I try talking positively to myself, I just feel like I'm lying, like it's fake and it's retarded because I know it's fake.
But, there is no such thing as "spiritually fat", drop that bullshit. In the same way that I know my positive self-talk is bs, I also know that the negative stuff is irrational.
You know that, too. You must know it, a voice in your head that tells you it's not as bad as you're saying it is. Listen to that, hold on to it. That is what keeps me sane.
Try to look at things objectively, you aren't fat, you admitted that you are in a healthy range for your height. So hold on to that as well, when you think about wanting to lose even more, remember you are healthy as you are right now.

>>82997176
why would I feel anything from it? it was a short lived relationship from when i was 12

>>82997185
I thought it was later on in your life. I've known some people who thought like you who got into relationships and had their self image improve a lot. Of course if that works then you're at the mercy of whoever you're dating which is maybe worse.

>>82997183
no i dont get that, speaking good or bad to myself doesnt really change how i feel because, im still miserable and paranoid of people and myself no matter how hard i try not to be, i try to be happy and calm, ive tried happy thoughts ive tried neutral thoughts but I feel like a complete alien invading peoples territory no matter what i do and its like nobody can understand this sentiment, not even doctors, this isnt just a case of me hating myself for being fat

>>82997145
felt. 5'8 dropped from 250 to 150 and i still feel like a fatass. i wanna drop more but its painfully hard to motivate myself to not eat like complete dogshit and ive been stuck at 150 for the past few months.
>>82997135
showing off wounds for attention sounds retarded. admittedly thats like half the reason i cut myself (i hope some hot girl will notice and take care of me nice and tenderly(because im incredibly selfish)) but i dont actually ever show them off to anyone because if i did i would be sent off to some mental institution and ruin my family and current job!

>>82997212
>I feel like a complete alien invading peoples territory
Oh you just need someone to radically accept you until you get used to it

>>82995335
>it was a tiny school for troubled kids
were you expelled from a normal school at some point I had to do the same thing after getting expelled in 9th it was brutal

>>82997260
Nta
I had this feeling once. I found a girl with whom I felt at home. I told her as much, that she was my home, with her I felt like I belonged.
She rejected me for something intrinsic and out of my control. I spiraled into an identity crisis for months.

>>82997222
im sorry, you might be in a plataeu it used to happen to me sometimes, you gotta zig zag your calories for a little bit then it will continue to drop

>>82997278
That is the risk of it, but in a more therapeutic environment it can be safer.

>>82997292
That phrase meant a lot to me.
>you are my home. I finally found you.
I fucking hate women now.

>>82997273
no i wasnt expelled, i kept cutting class cause my classmates made fun of me, so they said that type of school would be better (it wasnt)
whyd you get expelled?

>bullied
Just once,but she learned quickly. I may have been suspended for beating her, but I at least got the reputation of being a brute not to be bullied. Thanks dad for teaching me boxing.

No other. I was with the nerdy group. We were all good girls.

>embarrassing
Just accidentally left the locker room before gym in my underwear. I was a bit of a ditz.

>>82997303
I never believe anyone who says grand things like that. If someone says they like me I'll believe it, but if I'm the moon and stars I know they're just having a laugh.

>>82997260
I dont think this will happen for me and i dont think acceptance does anything for me either because ive met some of the most nicest and accepting people after that demon and still havent kept them purely because I am unable to feel comfortable enough around them, i end up going catatonic in a corner kek, I am diagnosed with autism but i do not think im autistic, i think i was misdiagnosed
i sound like im making up excuses id get pissed off if i was reading this

>>82997291
i gotta stop myself from eating so much but any time im given the opportunity to get some extra meal i take it. i think i could probably pull it off this next month or so if i focus tho

>>82997315
It wasn't my first thought. It was particularly meaningful to me. Sadly, it can come across as you say. I don't want to overdo it though. Idk.

>>82997319
>and still havent kept them
This is the part you have to fix somehow. It takes a long time to adapt. If you find more of those nice and accepting people, you need to find a way to prevent yourself from rejecting them. Jumping right into hanging out a lot is probably not great either, ease into it somehow. Maybe start with more online interactions and then work up to hanging out. This is something that would probably take years to fix though, it won't happen in a week.
>excuses
You're just explaining your behavior, it's fine

>>82997151
oh yeah to add to this all my clothes are from when i was a bigger guy so seeing that all my clothes basically do not fit anymore is a great ego-booster

>>82997344
I know that, but i just cannot feel comfortable with it. i know im supposed to want friendships and relationships and validation off of other people, but i dont, it makes me feel worse, it makes me feel more paranoid and unsafe with myself, ive tried explaining this to doctors, to anybody and its like they are unable to grasp what im even talking about,,i think there is something legitmately wrong with my brain im so tired of it online interactions irl interactions i feel the same way, i dont know why i do, i just do. the pain of being around people and having to watch them and how they act and what they do and say far outweighs the pain of being alone for me, id be content with dying alone

>>82997354
You lost a ton of weight, anon. Good job, man.
I was fat as a kid and teased a lot for it. It fucking sucked. It was hard for me to lose the weight. But your transformation is greater. Really, nice job.

>>82997375
bro i have gone through the same type of mental things as you have except i havent talked to a doctor. i am afraid of opening up to people because i want to be understood because im paranoid of them either just letting me tell them things so that they have information they can use against me or just straight up put me in a bad light. i just want to be understood and liked and wanted.

>>82997375
If you're happier alone there's nothing wrong with just being alone. Is that really what you want to do though? You have a learned mistrust of people, it must feel very overwhelming and impossible to change, but that kind of thing can be unlearned if you put a huge amount of effort into it. Maybe you don't want friends or relationships, maybe you really would be happier alone, and if that's the case then that's fine too.

>>82997382
doctors do fuck all anyway, i remember getting turned away at 11 when i was cutting myself because there was nothing they could do for me then, i dont know why i thought i could go back and trust them to actually do anything for me now

>>82997409
yeah doctors seem to me that they are just there to keep the system that is in place. they want us subservient to it in order to get us to turn some gears within the machine or something, no matter the consequences for the individual. whether it actually makes us better or just makes us more miserable is of no consequence, they are there just to keep us running a part of an uncaring brutal and cruel machine

>>82997434
that and get you hooked on drugs, i was supposed to be on setraline and fluxotine but i did not take either one because I didnt trust them enough to take them

>>82997393
its not learnt, its not social anxiety or depression where a mindset change can fix my issues or lessen them, ive tried mindset changes ive tried thinking nobody cares yolo fuck everything ive tried to not be so paranoid and to rationalise my thoughts ive tried to live with them ive tried not doing anything at all and nothing ever changes. I cant even fit in with autistics for fucks sake
there is something wrong with my brain and I think i was misdiagnosed with autism partly due to this factor and it frustrates me because i feel like im just making up excuses in order to not go near people , i feel like my body is split up into a million different pieces sometimes

>>82997476
yeah. i dont want to be a methd up workslave. i just want to be a chillax person and sit in the grass and talk to animals

>>82997481
Something like schizoid or schizophrenia then? Do you get delusions or hallucinations? How old are you and what age did you start feeling like this? What kind of paranoid thoughts do you get?

>>82997499
nta and not a femanon but i have experienced such things. ever since the lockdown i had basically so much time alone with myself that i kind of ended up getting delusional without any interactions with outside realities to keep me grounded. been like that for 5 years now. kinda felt similar before in highschool, but not as bad. im 23 now

>>82997499
Ive thought about schizotypal, i have quite magical thinking , like for example, i think god listens to my thoughts and wishes and feelings alot and grants me good luck and bad luck based upon whatever i think and feel, i remember thinking about a specific blanket obsessively then finding that same blanket the same day god was very with me that day

I get hallucinations occasionally but its nothing too scary, paranoid delusions about peoples intentions and whats going to happen to me in public, i also tend to misinterept many things in my life to have personal meaning when rationally it doesnt, i can tell myself it has no meaning but i still feel the meaning, plus i never seem to pick up on what people are actually feeling, the proper social cues even if its blaring in my face. if i think they are happy they are probably sad, if they are sad i end up thinking they're happy

>>82997524
Being alone for too long can cause psychotic symptoms in people. If they go away when you interact with people it's probably not that concerning but if they've been getting worse over time you might want to look into getting screened for psychotic disorders. Do you have trouble with speech? Maybe you get times where you don't speak very much even if spoken to, or you say the wrong words or just gibberish?

>>82997551
youre stpd too! you know what its like to be lost in delusions?

>>82997551
also, ive always been skittish/off put by other people even as a kid but the extreme paranoia/hallucinations/extreme forms of thinking came later on, it got worse as i got older

>>82997562
YES I DO!!!!! ITS HORRIBLE , it feels like a cage over my brain

>>82997551
Oh, yeah, anon you're schizo-something. Autism and schizophrenia are related so you might have both and you just got diagnosed with one. Schizophrenia type stuff usually doesn't come out until later on, I think late teens and early 20s are the big years for it. You're really describing a schizophrenic type disorder really well though. You might want to get treatment for that, it can get a lot worse at times and having meds or mental techniques to help control it is really important.

>>82997568
it so does. a lot of the problems i face seem so internal and intrinsic that i try to think them away sometimes and it doesnt work immediately and then i get hopeless because its all me why is it me doing this to myself it may feel like a prison built by the consequences of my experiences with life but it feels like im both the inmate and the warden

>>82997554
it doesnt go away when i talk to people as im still super paranoid and there are thoughts that echo throughout my psyche that are full of doubt, and meta-doubt that i cant really bring myself to trust people, but ive been able to manage them better by trying to see through to a more objective reality. i do have a problem with speaking to people. i just get very quiet as im so nervous and paranoid about what the right thing is to say and what they actually meant by their words and whatnot

>>82997574
YES exactly, then my brain ends up in a thought spiral of rationalising itself. i really do get what you mean its so relieving im not alone on this .... we are infact the inmates and wardens of our own brain

>>82997572
yeah, life double whammyed me but it is my fault for not acting anymore than i did , i should probably go get help for it but i am too afraid of the doctors now

>>82997595
What kind of paranoid thoughts are you getting? If your speech problems are anxiety based that's normal (or not schizo at least), I meant more like wanting to speak but not having access to words so you just can't.

>>82997607
You really should try to get help. Not every doctor is a bad person. Conditions like yours can get worse over time and you might end up doing things you regret or that get you committed. If you find a doctor that you can trust somewhat it's a lot easier to manage your symptoms and stay out of harm. I know that's very difficult, but it will be good for you in the long run.

>>82997599
just curious. how long have you lived with the cage around you. what kind of environment did you grow up in you dont have to say what exactly if you dont feel like it would be good. i grew up in a normal ish household but both my father and i are autistic. at that time i already was a sort of shy person after having already had some bad experiences with people but it got worse when we moved to an entirely different country due to my fathers job. i couldnt speak the language, didnt know people there, and when i was in school there i was always the outcast and even though i wasnt bullied really hard (i have pretty much always been bigger than most of the people i knew) it really did a number on me since i felt like i was no one. i had one friend there but he was also kind of an outcast like me since he was half deaf. i got sucked into the computer as it was one of the only things that didnt make me feel like shit all the time. then i got in trouble for with my parents for stealing money to fuel video game addiction and the fact i fell to it hit me so hard. later my dad cheated on my mom and things got worse. the day before i left the country to return to usa a girl i knew in class who i walked home with everyday because we lived near each other told me she loved me but since i had always been the outcast and had low self worth i heavily doubted it and thought she was lying. when my mom and i moved back to the usa i became a shut in the entire time and never really interacted with people unless i had to. after highschool i moved to my grandmas house and then pandemic hit and i was isolated and felt like a complete failure since i never really did that well in school except for anything math related. about a year of near total isolation, then some years of college and a job in between and here i am.

>>82997610
i have a lot of extremely intrusive thoughts and inthink you may be right about the anxiety speech thing but i dont believe the paranoia helps at all because i doubt the signals i recieve and the signals i give

>>82997714
Paranoia is more like thinking that people are following you or reading your mind. Intrusive thoughts and worrying about how to interpret social signals is more like anxiety. That's still really uncomfortable to deal with, but it's not really indicative of something like schizophrenia.

>>82997723
oh well during the worst of it i had developed a strange thought pattern that had me thinking that most people were but flesh automaton puppets that had no soul and that some were in fact consumed by demonic things that were brought about as a result of self feeding emotion-currents and i often dreamed of a religion being started that would teach the people of the world how to be a good human and that because of the increasing incidence of chaos in our world their minds would be ripe for the planting of seeds that would steel their minds against the influence of the demonic and the alien. often i felt like i could feel emotions radiating from people and i could for example look at someone while im on the bus and was convinced that i could feel the emotions coming off of them. when thinking about it it was like i could feel their ripples in the sea of souls. and when i was delusional enough i though that i could feel the influnence of inhuman minds far off planet and that the religion that i had dreamed of would require worldwide uprisings to ensure that we could rid ourselves of chains that were made not by controlled humanity but by uncontrolled primal emotions and that if we all rose up and finally united as one across the world we could collectively pool our psychic might to fend off the demons and the aliens that i felt were out there. the price would be heavy though as all those who could not fit the grand vision would be cleansed (killed) as they would have introduced unstable primal emotion into the collective. for a time i did not know what was or was not real, what was or was not a construct of my own psyche. every now and then even to this day i see shadows that move out of the corner of my sight as i turn to look at what i perceive to be foreign objects/entities. sometimes the patterns created by the stars in the sky would be disrupted by a cloud and depending on what kind of pattern it would tell me something.

>>82997723
as for paranoia one of the worst cases is that someone knew my every move and that i was always under some sort of scrutiny. one of the worst ones is when i believed that my parents secretly hated me for what i was to them and that they were secretly trying to poison the food and drink that i consumed so that i would die and they wouldnt have to deal with me anymore.

>>82997807
>>82997822
Ok yeah that's all schizo stuff. You should definitely get that checked out if you haven't already. I used to get the poisoning paranoia too, lost so much weight just not eating.

ive got it under control a lot better now though. some things though are hard to let go of like the idea of souls and demons. i also still somewhat believe that psychics are real and that if i tried enough through meditation and dreaming that i could develop psychic powers that would let me reach into peoples minds instead of just feeling them.

>>82997843
also i really hate how people are destroying nature and it fills me with and indescribable rage

>>82997843
Well as long as it's under control, stay safe out there anon

>>82997862
funny enough going into the depths of insanity led me to where i am now with my maybe unique view on life. without having descended into those depths i would have not gotten to where i am now

Well I went to a summer camp where we lived in camping, played cards with the girls and for some reason they piled on me that I'm cheating ( I didn't) and threw me out to sleep in the forest

>>82994809
why not? I'll let you fap to mine.

>>82996706
nah I think they just singled you out for fun, but then felt bad once you tried to better yourself.

>>82995335
sorry about that anon, i copped a fair amount of shit even in Aussie private school but i genuinely don't think i would have survived shitty aus public schools ngl

>>82999480
aussis schools in general are fucked. private, public, religious, foe troubled kids, or whatever. those kids and teens are evil

i was literally bullied by a boy because i smelled lmaoo.

nowadays i have to carry deodorant and reapply it throughout the day because i think i have some kind of lifelong skin issue (i am a pore, can't get it diagnosed at least at this point) that causes me to sweat extremely easily. i've been skinny all throughout my life too.

i used deodorant even as a kid of course, but back then i did not realize that my issue requires me to reapply it several times a day..

>>82999512
Not a medical issue per se, you likely have more sweat glands than the average person, i have that too, you can get it removed with surgery if you want but i'm decently sure it's expensive af

>>82999547
ohh, i assume so as well. i think i'm fine with the pore's solution (carry antiperspirant everywhere in your bag and reapply). but as a kid it was really embarrassing in hindsight when i didn't realize this obviously lol.

>>82999496
very true, i've always just thought the issue is you can't really educate a society that is as heavily predicated on anti-intellectualism/general sadism as Aus is