Thread 83067635

>doing laundry today
>I do it every week with the same amount of clothes, 1 basket's worth
>as I carry it down stairs, my mom starts ordering me to separate it into 2 loads, even though I've been doing it the same way for 6 months, because I'm "overloading" the machine
>I put my clothes in anyway and run the load, it goes normally as always
>she freaks out and says I need to find another place to leave immediately, how I'm a terrible person, etc.

this is the 2nd time she's ordered me to leave. the first time:

>after work, instead of coming home I spend a night at my ex-girlfriend's
>I come back the next day after work
>she freaks out, says I need to tell her where I'm at ahead of time if I go somewhere
>I told her to not speak to me like that
>she then says I need to leave and find somewhere else to live

She's fucking insane. I'm looking for apartments right now but holy shit..this is giving me so much anxiety

>>83067635 (OP)
Congrats on your independence

>>83067635 (OP)
just...dont? what, is she going to call the cops ? Ok, THEN leave if she does that . Dont otherwise

are you american
theres some uniquely american thing where the parents are desperate to kick out their spawn at the earliest opportunity for some reason

you're living with a narcissist

it's not about the washing machine or you staying out. it's about her need to control and feel like she has power over you

you need to weigh if having a place to live in is worth managing her ego

>>83067679
>it's about her need to control and feel like she has power over you
but why? Why cling to this "power"? I'm her son, all I want is to live peacefully. Why are people so obsessed with this control?

It's wild. Not to make this about myself, but I've run into the exact same things (the same argument about "overloading" the washer, needing to check in, the guilt-tripping freakouts over chores, etc.) Seeing this reply:
>>83067679
Is enlightening. I've balked at calling it the N word because people do seem to be pretty eager to use it.
To your mom's credit-and bear with me here-overloading a washing machine really will damage it, and they *are* expensive. But if I had to guess, I'd say you aren't overloading it, it's just not completely silent during the spin cycle. And if you were to do smaller loads, she'd complain about you using too much water, but if you let the laundry pile up, that'd be an issue, too.
My guess, based entirely on projecting my own shit onto you, is that there is no winning. This woman isn't going to stop making hideous, cortisol-spiking events out of inspid day-to-day concerns unless 1. she gets too old and weak to successfully enforce anything, at which point she'll get ugly because she has the sense people are going behind her back, or 2. someone she really loves fucking dies and it actually breaks her hard enough to make her too tired to pick theae battles (NOTE: she doesn't have any new perspective on what truly matters in this scenario,
; she's just broken and sad). If you "tread on eggshells," she's STILL gonna find a reason to always have a problem with you. You will never reach a state of seamless peace like you would with good company. Your home will never be a place to rest or recover. You will never truly be off the clock, just unpaid for half the day. Even if you earnestly put in effort to unfuck EVERYTHING to her exact specifications, that new level of performance by you will become the default. You will receive the exact same amount of flak. The ever-shrinking pocket of infinitesimal humanity that constitutes your fuckups will never escape her gaze. She'll fixate on the MOLECULE you let go and never thank you.

>>83068094
>Why are people so obsessed with this control?
It provides emotional feedback that they get addicted to, often unconsciously.

>>83068188
this hits hard. I moved back in 6 months ago, and every month I've had to shrink myself more and more, hoping she would just let me exist peacefully in the house. There are many things I no longer do since they were opportunities for her to yell at me. But there are always new situations I never even thought possible
>I don't cook in the kitchen anymore because garlic/onions make her eyes water
>I don't boil water for coffee anymore because one time, there was a grain of rice on the bottom of the pan, and she yelled at me since it started smelling like burnt
>I don't clean the cat's litterbox for her anymore since "she can do it herself" (she doesn't)
>I always point out to her if a package is at the door, since if I don't, it means I'm selfish and disrespectful
>I don't use the dishwasher anymore because one time it started by accident and I "wasted" electricity

at this point, I try to leave my room only when absolutely necessary, like going to work or getting food on weekends, or unfortunately the laundry thing. I even tried doing laundry by hand in the bathroom sink to avoid going downstairs and seeing her.

>>83067635 (OP)
She's been wanting you out for a while and this is just her sperging out over whatever. You should probably just gtfo

>>83068325
>There are many things I no longer do since they were opportunities for her to yell at me. But there are always new situations I never even thought possible
> I even tried doing laundry by hand in the bathroom sink to avoid going downstairs and seeing her.
Okay, yeah, you're me.
Check it out: It never gets better. You're basically gonna be under siege in your room if you do that. You at least have an income right now. Use it to leave if possible. Live with some stoner jackass who walks around half-naked and split the rent with him. Live in a car. You're gonna get to the point where you can neither do anything around the house without getting in trouble NOR make the money to do it outside. Then what? As it is, I imagine you're already eating expenses just to avoid the interactions (i. e. Getting fast food and using up gas and money rather than cooking at home for cheap because if you go downstairs to use the kitchen she'll find something to be mad about, for instance). Don't do that. You can only keep it up for so long, and you are objectively not enjoying any of the benefits of living in this house. If you can't use any of the amenities, if you have to leave and go somewhere else in order to recover or heal, if you can't have company over or be yourself in that house, fuck it.
You're going to wind up doing ridiculous bullshit that affects your eating, your bathing, your sleep, your health, and your clothing, and you're going to wind up living like a fucking third worlder in a home that is presumably expensive. You're going to wind up not even knowing what a peaceful and seamless day of chores looks like for you because you've never been able to do it un-fucked-with. You're going to do extreme shit like buying a motel for the night just to sleep in peace or study for a test or whatever, while you ostensibly live at that house, and you're gonna do it until you go broke. You are now under a quiet siege and you can't do it forever.

Listen to this anon, he knows >>83068464

>>83067655
it's just a low iq thing, it's ridiculously costly to rent an apartment, not worth it at all
it's also more work to cook two dinners instead of one, pay utilities twice, etc
americans are basically psyopped into throwing away any semblance of generational wealth due to having extremely dysfunctional families, i think it's because their society places such a focus on individualism to the point where people just don't care to take care of each other whatsoever