BROOO they really let Juan “walk machine” Soto LEAVE like he was some middle reliever with a 5.89 ERA. I’m in shambles. I’m in the trenches. I just saw a pigeon wearing a Mets hat and I started sobbing uncontrollably on the Q train. This is NOT my America.

I burned my Soto jersey but the polyester fumes made me hallucinate a lineup card with IKF batting cleanup. I haven’t known peace since they announced the trade. I told my grandma about it and she said, “Dios mío, not again,” and started praying in tongues.

I put on Yes Network just to scream at the commercials. Michael Kay’s forehead said more about the state of this franchise than any press release.

We are not ok. The Bronx is crying. Judge is crying. I’m crying. Even the Yankee Stadium rats are unionizing out of grief. Soto, if you’re reading this I miss you. Come home.