ive been full time for over a year now. everyone i know has been referring to me as she for at least that long, and i must pass because literally 100% of strangers call me she without issue either (biggest factor helping this was voice training for sure)

the thing is i don't get a sense of joy or euphoria when people i don't know call me she, i actually psychologically wince... it doesn't feel right. i have done a lot of thinking and i think it's because it feels like im lying

most of the day i feel like im playing a character, i don't know who i am any more but this isn't me and i just don't feel happy. i thought this was temporary and would fade away after i "settled in" to my new life/identity but truth is it's not getting any better

i really need some advice