>>57962841
Amazing story!!!! Very well done for a first intro, writing was high quality and smooth.

As for any story, I note my thoughts down as I read, so I'll go through them

SPOILERS BELOW

>dungeon description
The way dungeons are interpreted in your story are my favourite out of all clover guild stories! it's personal taste, but, heavily game-ified dungeon descriptions with literal corridors and stairs kind take me out of the immersion. But yours are believable and feel real. The idea that they are vague areas that mutate and where you can get lost in fits so much better in a story. Phanpy also writes his dungeons in a similar way. Also he lore surrounding them is so cool. Dungeon sickness is a sick (haha) concept. Just the idea that someone can get lost in a dungeon for days or WEEKS and slowly lose their mind and identity... that's terrifying. And the years-long flash-forward at the beginning implying that crunch got lost for days.... ;-; very spooky
Also, the concept of some pokemon being sensitive to borders of mystery dungeons is really really cool

>Chomp! I bit down on the fin atop her head.
>Helva shot up, furious, freshly bitten head fin nearly clipping my chin. “Crunchatize Me Part 1, what the hell was that for?!”
that was my favorite line in the movie :p

>Non-delvers were responsible for communicating with the guild, prepping for rescue operations, and negotiating rates for jobs.
that's a cool idea, I don't think anyone explored the work involved processing everything going from a client doing a job request to dungeon exploration.

There were so many cute imagery in this story omg. Makes me want to draw them all it's just so cute.
>Ursaring hoisting crunch up and saying a cheery no to putting him down
awwww

>I snatched up a bandana in my mouth. It felt right, I stood proud with my chest puffed out with the bandana held out expectantly towards Helva.
Make me melt omg

Is crunch-anon on the rentry yet? I can't find him