>>81865700
yeah it sucks and the worst part is that my genes are aligned to make this addiction as enjoyable as possible
i get fucking chills and goosebumps every time i have my first drink
i'm having fun and will have fun until i drink myself to proper withdrawals whilst my liver and pancreas hurt and have to spend few weeks being afraid i'm going to die
>>81865980
funnily enough my proper binges started from the fact that i couldn't fucking sleep
i'm on sleeping pills now and i could sleep without alcohol but when i relapse i just don't give a shit and search for that gabaergic calmness and don't give a shit
i always make sure i have enough booze to not wake up in the middle of the night but i remember when i was having withdrawals from alprazolam and was barely sleeping for weeks and waking up to pure fear in the middle of the night
haven't touched benzos ever since but alcohol is my poison of choice and i just can't seem to get rid of it
doesn't matter that i know what drinking will lead to i still do it
funnily enough this binge started from me not receiving my onion market weed order which was keeping me away from this shit