I don’t know, how I feel, or rather, why I feel this way. I know I feel somewhat anxious, I believe I worry, about many things, about my future, my day to day, about the feeling of living my life in a sort of automatic way, each day the same as tomorrow. I just don’t know what to do, nobody seems to know, how to live, and that is somewhat scary. Me, I just overthink and worry, I feel a sense of urgency, almost every day, like I have to do something, or like I have to do many things, why?, am I afraid that if I don’t do something now, if I don’t step into the light I will regret it?, like I regret not going out more in high school?, not asking girls out?, not sticking to a hobby?, or learning a skill?, probably that. That is the feeling of urgency, or what causes it, the voice in my head saying “live, do something”, and I should. Other big thing is the pessimistic vision that I have of my own future, and sometimes of life, even though I don’t see life as a complete struggle, or as complete suffering, I do see it more as work, and sometimes as meaningless work. I believe many people my age feel this way, the feeling that we got a bad deal, but still why is this?, maybe they are ideas of grandiosity, that I deserved better maybe, but why?, don’t I have it good?, house, family, health?, why is there a fear of getting a job, working for eight or more hours daily, for forty years?, hasn’t life always been somewhat like this?. But maybe is not the work itself what makes me feel uneasy about the future, maybe it is the routine, the feeling that time will pass much longer once I get into the workforce, the feeling like I got sucked into the system. Then again, what is the alternative?, being a musician?, a youtuber?, being rich and having all the free time?, I wouldn’t really know, there are musicians who kill themselves, actors, or I could be coping, like I don’t know. I guess I can always go to live off the grid, that’s an option.