My appointed general practitioner has informed me that autism is not contagious.

Allow me to elaborate. I thought I got autism from an autistic needle. Rather, I'd fallen prey to an ideatic contagion - a mind virus - wherein I load ballast into the idea that I have autism, and act out the ugliest of the messaging that I picked up from 4chan culture.

Put simply, the idea that I have autism /is/ the autism.

If you'll excuse me.