>>40089190
>QOTT
I create elaborate escapist fantasies in my head of different lives where I'm female/passing trans that I usually spend like half the day dreaming about for months at a time before gradually moving over to a new iteration. I have some old favorites I started years ago that I still go back to every once in a while too. Unless I'm doing something that really holds my attention one of my fantasies is constantly at the back of my mind, and if I have nothing to do then I usually put it at the front of my mind. Getting drunk is one of the only things that actually lets me feel like I'm not totally out of it. It's scary how well I've learned to disassociate from the world around me, I think my overreliance on doing this as a coping mechanism probably contributed to why I feel so disconnected from reality all the time.
I've never written my fantasies down but I feel like it might be a good idea to try. Having an outlet would probably be better than fermenting my brain 24/7 and the thought of turning one of my dreams into a coherent story sounds nice. I can barely ever find the motivation to do much more than the bare minimum required to keep up appearances though, so I'll probably never get around to it. It takes effort to even will myself to play a videogame or read a book nowadays.
Drawing seems cool but I have zero talent for it so I've never really tried. I love looking at other people's drawings and using them as (maladaptive) daydream fuel though.