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7/2/2025, 7:42:12 AM
>>57962841
Welcome, Crunch-anon! So glad to see you put out a story!
I never really wrote reviews publicly or provided constructive feedback, something I think would be great if the thread had more of, so I suppose this is me trying to be the change I’d like to see. I will admit going into the stories with this in mind does somewhat diminish my enjoyment of it so I don’t know if I’ll do this very often, but here I am nonetheless. Also, huge kudos to the anons who do provide reviews. Y’all carry this thread!
Firstly, starting with some constructive criticism:
The story definitely could have gone with a second read through. There are some issues with grammar such as lack of capitalization at the beginning of sentences and punctuation (among which semicolons could readily fix) but it’s certainly nothing I’m not guilty of doing, and for your first story it’s not too great a deal. These did somewhat make the story a bit harder to read naturally for myself, but again they’re not too detracting. Unfortunately, that can’t be said for the occasions the story slips into second person, each time which took me off guard. These did pull me out of the story more than I would’ve anticipated and, unless I’m missing something which is very much possible, seemed wholly writing errors. Grammar aside, I do think a bit more description for the sparring match between Crunch and Helva could’ve been used as well as a bit more time spent on Ursaring’s inebriated vulnerability since I felt that had great potential, but nothing too crazy. Again, I do hope I’m not too harsh with this, but hopefully this can be kept in mind for future stories which I very much look forward to reading.
Welcome, Crunch-anon! So glad to see you put out a story!
I never really wrote reviews publicly or provided constructive feedback, something I think would be great if the thread had more of, so I suppose this is me trying to be the change I’d like to see. I will admit going into the stories with this in mind does somewhat diminish my enjoyment of it so I don’t know if I’ll do this very often, but here I am nonetheless. Also, huge kudos to the anons who do provide reviews. Y’all carry this thread!
Firstly, starting with some constructive criticism:
The story definitely could have gone with a second read through. There are some issues with grammar such as lack of capitalization at the beginning of sentences and punctuation (among which semicolons could readily fix) but it’s certainly nothing I’m not guilty of doing, and for your first story it’s not too great a deal. These did somewhat make the story a bit harder to read naturally for myself, but again they’re not too detracting. Unfortunately, that can’t be said for the occasions the story slips into second person, each time which took me off guard. These did pull me out of the story more than I would’ve anticipated and, unless I’m missing something which is very much possible, seemed wholly writing errors. Grammar aside, I do think a bit more description for the sparring match between Crunch and Helva could’ve been used as well as a bit more time spent on Ursaring’s inebriated vulnerability since I felt that had great potential, but nothing too crazy. Again, I do hope I’m not too harsh with this, but hopefully this can be kept in mind for future stories which I very much look forward to reading.
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