I guess one reason I have trouble not dwelling on the past or being more in the present is a lifelong curse that has plagued me, I think to the best of my abilities I’ve never been able to figure it out, but for me it’s just that I think I truly have a serious problem with finding acceptance, like rejection has just been the cross I feel I’ve been tasked with bearing, I wear it everywhere I go.

But it has caused me serious anguish in the past, I think it’s a need for me to have friends, or loved ones and relationships and a job, so to be denied all that has been complete and utter anguish.

I was calm but now it’s making me upset thinking about it. It’s always been that way, almost everywhere I go I just find that I am not very popular.