>>76307707
but that book saved me.

I am not there yet, some things will stay with me for life, but one thing is certain. I am not worthless, and I am going to be happy. I will accomplish my goals.

Since I read it, I got a job in IT (no degree), I lost 17kg's (from 127 to 110 and still ~30 more to go), I put up some muscle, I started fixing my teeth, I started grooming myself and paying attention to how I look. I can even sleep and wake up at somewhat normal hours, I don't get nightmares anymore and I had them for years, almost every night. I also have a car now.

My goal now now is going under 100kg's and losing my v-card to an escort, as I am terrified of women.

and honestly, the idea that I could ever say something like "I am not worthless" means, that I don't hate myself that much anymore. I tried to commit suicide once with an exit bag but I was saved by hikers. Now I can't even go back to the mindspace I was in years ago. Life, however harsh, is still the only life we get, and if we have it, its worth living.

If I could erase all the suffering in the world I would do it, nobody should suffer. I can't though. But maybe if you try to muster up some courage and energy to see things from a different perspective, you will not suffer in the future.

Of course, life is not just happiness. You can't even be content most of the time, its ok. There will be bad times again, there will be rebounds, but its so worth it.
Its unfathomable, you cannot logic your way around this. But you will feel it.

Good luck, or rather what japanese say, Do your best. Because its not luck but your effort that will allow you to be free. And you will be rewarded.