>>40278648
>>40274526
>>40274446
>>40274210
Thank you for taking the time to write it out, anon, and sorry for knowingly pushing you towards recounting something I knew might cause you to dissociate. I hope you can understand why I asked you for it.
Seeing it laid out like this can sometimes help further ones ability to process what happened, which can lead to a better understanding of how to tackle emotional problems and maladaptive reactions in the present.

What you are describing sounds like a person who
>sought to control and isolate you
>sought to deny you the right to meet your emotional and physical needs
>blamed you for his own displeasure and tried to convince you to take responsibility for it even when you had no means of affecting it
>Used your minority status as a means to control you further
>Felt a need to increase his control of you due to feeling out of control in life during Covid

And a mother who
>Emotionally neglected you
>Physically and verbally abused you
>Had a boyfriend at one point who sounds like he subjected you to something sexual while underage, broke up with him, yet didn’t report him to authorities, essentially forcing you to carry that trauma alone

>If I was abused, he had it much worse. I deserved it.
Victims of abuse aren’t perfect. The premise of being abused is unjust per default, so any search of karma within it is futile.
Nobody deserves abuse, because abuse teaches us nothing except for how to internalise it or pass it on to someone else. When we are thrust into it we are going to react or play dead, and if our reactions end up being abuse in response to abuse the best thing we can do is acknowledge that that is what we did without erasing our own suffering in the process.

>(1/2)