I got into fitness because I wanted to fulfill my fantasy of being a sexy twink fucked by a big fat hairy daddy bear. The logic was, if I want an attractive man, I need to put my side of work.

1. Turns out, being fit is a shitload of work I'm not ready to actually do, the best I can do is not being fat.
2. I'll never find a bf anyway.

It's just... fuck. The realization that there's literally nothing I can do to fix my loneliness makes me horribly depressed. I'm not depressed in the clinical sense of this word, I'm just permanently sad that I have no chances of sharing my life with anyone. This sadness makes me chronically exhausted, and takes away any little happy moments in life I could have.

I try to stay motivated telling myself "I'm lifting to stay healthy when I get old" but honestly... is this life worth it? If I cannot share it with anyone? I'm just prolonging my own misery.