>>40115344
>i don't want to lose that part of myself either.

bicalutamide. Its pricier than other AA's, but I'd say it's well worth worth it. Relatively low maintenance as far as things go, less need to worry about like potassium intake or pissing yourself or whatever. I've heard good things about topical t-gel as well, if you can get ahold of it. But like that other anon said, as long as you don't neglect it, you should be fine.

You sound like a sweetheart. Do you have any hobbies? Being openly and unflinchingly passionate about something makes it alot easier to connect with people. Foster any passion you might have as if your life depends on it, even it was just a fleeting 'what if' fantasy. You might be surprised. Pouring yourself into something that excites you, gaming, art, music, crafts, just being a massive fangirl about something. anything. It's both an attractive quality to have, and a means to break the cycle of being too scared to take chances on things that mean something to you. It's the only cure for that sort of paralyzing dissociation I can think of (or just a cooler way to go about it lol). Just don't be too hard on yourself.

Update us on how things are going whenever you get the chance. I'm rooting for you.