>>40038031

I hated this quality of men too, the pedastalizing of women driven by sexual compulsion. Mine was even more insistent than an ordinary man's. I hated it. I saw misogyny everywhere in the world around me and I was so aware of how poisoned I was, how i couldn't avoid being complicit. I desperately needed to be free of this gender! Have you ever been revolted of something about your biology, or a tendency, and been determined to break free of it?

So I made myself free. I inflicted the ultimate punishment on myself for my misogyny. I vowed there would be one less male predator in the world, giving up all the power and prestige of my position. I gave up my strength, my fertility, the invisibility and safety. I made myself into the object of my desire, I let down my guard and bore the full brunt of the world's contempt. I soaked it up until i became familiar with it. I patiently worked to recondition every facet of my behavior. I learned about men, got hurt by several of them, and absorbed that to and became a patient and caring lover. I played my role with ever growing skill and enthusiasm.

I won't pretend it was always easy. There were many nights I cried alone and felt hopeless. But eventually, my efforts nore fruit. I finally got the life i always wanted: free from all guilt, shame and fear, completely secure in my body, identity and my role in the cosmic order. It's not something I have to justify or defend because it just is. It's what I was made for!