to the extent that this is true, it is equally baffling. she is self-aware enough to notice how she needs the safety blanket of ironic of detachment vtubing provides to engage with the world. she also knoes that few people stuck in that fucked up headspace are lucky enough to have a tool as useful for thinking through things as a chat can be.
yet somehow she has spent most of the last four years altneranting between two useless stares. either she is in vtubing mode where she can think but does not need to, or in the real world where she is incapable of thinking long term but needs to.
all this time, when she feels like she needs to think, hundreds of people wiling to help refine her thinking were never more than the ten mimutes it takes to guerilla and zatsu. all this this time when her brain was online and she had nothing better or more useful to do than think, she wasted access to hundreds of people, something few humans in the entire history of our species have had access to, doing braindead content like autopiloting through my summer car "meltdowns" or (arguably worse) grinding through a game she doesnt want to play.
she knows she is in a super fucked up place because she knows she cant face reality. that's a hard thing to push through denial and realize. but she somehow misses the absurdly obvious 24/7 thought line she literally gets paid to use until she finds a way bsck into reality.
I know that literally all of this requires no more than a quarter second for a normal person to understand. but where the hell in that obscenely simple step by step is she getting confused?