I got a text an hour ago from one of my closest friends, who I lost contact with more than a decade ago because he had to move just before high school started up, asking me if I remember who he was as he saw my name show up on facebook as "someone you might know." I sent him one back saying I remember him too, but now that the sheer happiness I'm feeling is going away, I'm getting terrified about how he'll react if we ever hang out, and as to how I'll react if he's too different to how I remember him.

My former absolute best friend went away for a few years, only to come back a completely different person which utterly destroyed me because he was into drugs, sex, and partying to the degree he would've fit right in on shows like Jersey/Geordie Shore, instead of the kid I'd talk about books, vidya, Dragon Ball, and extremely niche insider-joke shit with. This guy's been away even longer.

He also knows me as a nerd, which is fine because I still am I guess, but where he'd remember me drowning in optimism for the future, not being able to wait to go to University and become a scientist or some shit, and being on good terms with most people, all he'll see now is a cripplingly anxious broken shell of a person addicted to degenerate furry porn who's done completely fucking nothing in life and is totally averse to online social interaction.

I don't want to fuck things up if something ever comes of this because he's all I have left of a time where I was truly happy, and if I'm being brutally honest with myself, he's probably the only person I've ever had romantic feelings for, homo or otherwise.