>>82050693
Paradoxical as it sounds, that's not a bad way to put it. Frustrated too.

>>82050482
>my ugliest episode in awhile
This made me think about the moments in my life I might describe that way. All deeply shameful and embarrassing. What happened Anon? I'll tell mine if you tell yours.

>>82050460
>making plans to kms
Planning is a serious step beyond ideation. Been there a few times myself.
>>82050481
>after christmas im going into the woods
That almost sounded cozy to me when I first read it, but I hope you change your mind. Christmas is always super depressing, but it's still plenty of time. Here's a thought process I try to go down when I'm that far gone:
> Be ready to die
> Nothing left to lose, everything is forfeit anyway
> Might as well do whatever I want before I go
> Think about what I'd actually like to do
> Start making plans for something I'd enjoy
> Usually start feeling, if not better, then at least less suicidal by the time I'm actually ready to follow through on the enjoyable thing.

Don't pay the edgelords in this thread no mind Anon, you're not alone.