I'm a bit of a food snob. I like to go on food tours. I don't go to just any man-bun, Mumford and Sons motherf***er cafes. I went to New Orleans and ate at every restaurant with a cartoon crawfish on the signage. I ate a slow-roasted whole Venezuelan in Houston. I went to a roadside shack with plenty of Michelin tires on the wall in Rotting Flesh, KY. My guts bleed red, white, and blue. My doctors have described it as "a serious issue". I crapped a whole chipmunk, still breathing, having gestated I guess inside of my colon, after that trip. I am a veteran. I served my country. I continue to serve my country.