>>40056254
Uh random shit I was too tired to write about, went to the gym yesterday, actually wore a sportsbra out for the first time (felt kinda theymabish but whatever), which was a bit of a mental struggle when it sort of silhouetted under my shirt but mostly got over that, reminding myself that everyone is too wrapped up in their own shit to pay that much attention.
Also oh my god it made running so much easier without the chafing good grief.
Took all my measurements because I realized I probably need them to actually buy stuff, didn't trigger any doom spiralling because I think my measurements are fairly passable with some decent potential (not gonna share them but really the only thing I'm not happy enough with is my shoulders being kinda wide - partially a muscle mass issue).
Going to force myself to actually send this email off asking for a laser consult, just got to figure out the wording (idk I worry I come across wrong when not speaking in person a lot of the time).
Having very torn up mixed feelings about this army thing I've got in a week or so, I don't really know how I want to handle it and while my rational head says to bin it all off I have all these irrational thoughts that keep pinning themselves to the front of my mind telling me it's something I have to do.
I really think honesty might be my best option, just tell them I'm on HRT and see where that takes me. I just feel bad about that probably meaning I'm ineligible to join at least for a few years if not entirely given I'd kept saying I wanted to get in as fast as possible also hate the idea of outing myself as trans when I look how I look.
Too many thoughts on that topic. I think life is passing me too quickly and transitioning is forcing me to burn more time before I get to actually live. I wish more than anything i'd started at at least 18 which i'd promised myself I was going to and then I broke it.

I always seem to get sleepy after typing here, don't know why brain work too hard i guess.