I barely ate and I'm exhausted but I'm terrified to be alone with my thoughts

I hate how un-adapted and un-adaptable I am to the world. It's set up for some people to fit right in and suceed while others are doomed to struggle and suffer. And miss out on so much, from teen love and lifelong friendships to having a family to traveling the world. I hate that such a tiny part of the world is available to me. I hate that "maintenance" takes almost all my time and energy. Others seemesly move forward while I have to sprint with all my might just to stay in the same place and not fall deeper into that pit.