INT. DIMMSDALE ELEMENTARY – MR. CROCKER’S CLASSROOM – DAY

The classroom is completely deranged. The walls are plastered with screenshots from /sthg/, plushie photos, filenames like “tails_cute_hubby.png,” and red yarn connecting everything like a serial killer’s evidence board. A massive sign reads “TAILSFAIRY INFILTRATION LEVEL: CRITICAL.”

CROCKER stands at the front of the class, sweating, hair frazzled, waving a crumpled printout in the air like it’s a smoking gun.

CROCKER
CLASS! It’s happened! THE FAIRIES HAVE REVEALED THEMSELVES! One of them—one of those cursed Tailsposters—finally slipped up! They admitted it! “I’m a fairy and I love Tails!”! Just like that! Right there in the thread! Plain as day!

He slams the screenshot onto the chalkboard with a thumbtack. The post is circled and underlined ten times in red.

CROCKER
AND THEN THE THREAD LOST ITS MIND! They turned on her in seconds! The “comfy” was gone! The plushies? Suspicious! The filenames? Evidence! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW!

He clicks a remote. A projector screen drops, revealing a massive graph: “Tails Posting vs. Fairy Spillage – 2023-2025.”

CROCKER
I knew it! I’ve always known! They’re not just fans… they’re infiltrators! They use Tails as a gateway—he’s soft, he’s sweet, he’s non-threatening. And that’s how they get in! Through the plushies! Through the “good morning” posts! THROUGH THE BOYWIFE FILE NAMES!

Timmy walks up nervously, holding a drawing of Tails.

TIMMY
Mr. Crocker? I just… like Tails ’cause he’s cool and builds stuff. That’s not bad, right?

CROCKER (whipping around)
YOU FOOL! That’s exactly how they start! First it’s “Tails is smart,” then it’s “Tails is adorable,” and before you know it—you’re defending fairies in the general!

He snatches the drawing and inspects it like it holds ancient secrets.

CROCKER
Tell me, Turner… do you own a plushie? Do you talk about how you want to hug Tails!? BE HONEST!