yeah, I'm a huge fucking loser: I brood & stay lost in the fog of past traumas and disappointments. in my drunken stupors, I thrash and scream: crying out in agony over hardships that really only preside in my head. I smile and nod, even when I am spoken over in group settings and I don't have the confidence to be direct and approach the women I am interested in. I try to help those weaker than myself; such as helping a veteran missing his arm get something nutritious in him or a beer to enjoy, or helping an elderly woman take her trolly of groceries up the steep metro stairs or even just giving somebody some words of affirmation when they seem to need it most. I forgive those who steal from me, because I think rationalize that they probably need it more than me and are just unaware of any other means

I'm a loser because I put on this mask of a directed & opinionated man, when I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm a loser, because for the last 27 years of my life, I've been trying to be somebody I'm not. and after 27 years, and countless aches, disappointments & phyrric victories later, I think it's finally time to let this false ego go. I think true ego death comes when the mental constructs in our head comes crashing down, and no memory, material or substance can help you from avoiding the pain of seeing this mental world you've been living in come crashing down... all within yourself