>>76374050
I am not even upset at this point, or despairing. It was an experience alright. Just disappointed in myself. This is like the 6th time I done this over the course of my whole life. Weed is great if I can portion it, but like a proper addict, practising abstinence is almost impossible.

Yet I am unable to give up on weed, and not sure what to go about this in life in the future. Smoking once every 2 weeks is ideal. I tried 3 times to quit it completely the longest was 1 year, the shortest was 3 months. The results are always the same, initially I get a productivity boost but I end up stuck and not progressing much on my life goals, just become complacent in existing rly, like a soulless golem. Weed helps me ground myself and lets me realize what a piece of shit I am without the daily workings of ego meant to protect myself (thanks ego bro, I know you care about me not hurting and this is why you do all this, but all these ancients mechanisms ain't working for me in the long run cuz). Well that, plus unnecessary anxiety and overthinking but its not that bad, most of my fears come from outside and I just simply don't have to leave the house when I am high right. Well, I cope with my weed addiction by absolutely hating everything external that has to do with weed, so no weed smoking friends, no festivals or communities.

I asked my brother to hide my harvest for me, and he did. While immature in the grand scheme of things, it still is a a smart choice, if I cannot help myself others can help me.