>>24474809
If you don’t mind, I would like to rewrite this in my style:

The Larcener’s overly casual shrug revealed his evident discomfort.

“There are, uh… Problems… With the boy. But the problems are unique to his being in my care. Were he under yours, I’m confident they would vanish.”

“Oh, you have boy with magic. Why didn’t you say so?” The priest wiped his forehead, careful to keep the sweat off white silk blindfold. “What should I do with him. Plant him in the ground, maybe. Ha! With any luck he might grow a vine to the land beyond the clouds!”

“Spare the sarcasm, Marko.” The Larcener’s sneer curled half his lip upwards. “That’s the sort you spit out as a bargaining posture. Is it really so hard to say that you’re interested?”

The blindfolded Priest shrugged. “Maybe. Maybe… Janus, Cassidy, and Jobe might be able to use a new playmate. Or a new punching bag. Maybe..! I’m willing to spend about three coppers and a bowl of piss for the boy. You’d still need to convince me that you deserve the bowl of piss. If he was what you said then you wouldn’t be trying to pawn him off on me. What’s his problem?”

“His problem,” grimaced the Larcener, “Is that if I can’t sell him to you, I’m going to have to slit his throat and throw him in the bay. And I'll probably have to do it tonight.”

I don’t think it’s bad, I just think you need to say your dialogue out loud and see how it sounds.